President Tony Tan Keng Yam




On that sadistic note, Selamat Hari Raya!

It was fun making all those tak puasa jokes. Now I have to wait for another year to make them again. I hope you will forgive me for my past sins... loljk I OWE YOU NOTHING


p/s. This is not a death threat just so we're clear

p/p/s. Some 13-year-old boy from Pakistan went around deleting YouTube videos. Really? Talk about tak puasa on the eve of Hari Raya.

Inane prattle

The prelims are officially over and Teachers' Day is right around the corner. The last time I actually bothered to buy presents for my teachers was way back in K1, and even then I only bought fake roses.

So I went to look for some gifts for some teachers to give presents to and I was utterly shocked at the exorbitant prices things were sold for. My definition of "exorbitant" is anything over $5. Sorry I am very giam siap.

Therefore if any teachers are reading this right now, if you don't receive a present from me, it's not because you're insignificant but it's because

1) I don't have the money

2) I can't find a gift that's suitable for you

3) It's hard to find a good practical gift that you will keep that you will not end up giving to your children to gift to their teachers instead.

Don't you think? I'm looking at all the things on sale and they are all decorated with childish designs that aren't even worth keeping. The only people who would buy those type of gifts for their teachers are those that do not have common sense or those who hate their teachers.

I'm also unwilling to buy cards because it's too much of a "mainstream" gift and more often than not they cost more than $5. Not to mention the classic red pen gift. Erm, no.

Look at the wonderful effort I put in to get a good gift for teachers! You're most welcome!

I also queued at KOI for the first time in my life yesterday. Fortunately, the queue wasn't long at all so that was a pleasant queuing experience for the first time.

Unfortunately, the service is pretty fucked up. Which makes them no different from the overpriced mini mart below my house -- the service sucks but they don't care because you won't have anyone to complain to and you know you will still be coming back for more!

I can only describe the service there as "robotic".

So the moral of the story is... you don't queue for KOI. You ask others to buy them for you at the same time when they are. Saves time, saves money! (Because time = money!)

The Presidential Elections are also tomorrow. This is going to be a life changing moment for me because for the first time since my start of school, I won't be having President S R Nathan and his wife's portraits hung in my schools!

But other than that, I can't really be bothered, as long as they do a good job (being bo chup constitutes to doing a good job too btw) during their... TANure. *ba dum tsh* Thank you

So here is what I know about the 4 candidates.

1) Tony Tan: I think he's too old and rich to bother so he should stay in whatever rich apartment he lives in. I also think he has an ~impeccable~ command of the Chinese language as evident here.

2) Tan Cheng Bock: If I were of legal voting age I would vote for him wholly because he looks exactly like me along with countless other Asians when he smiles. Then again, I wouldn't because I can't take anyone whose logo is palm tree seriously.

3) Tan Jee Say: Probably has the logo that makes the most sense out of the four (ie. Heart [of the nation]). My classmate who is full of wisdom judged the 4 presidents based on their looks and said he looks like a rat. Not I say one hor.

4) Tan Kin Lian: I know he used to be some big shot in NTUC. When I think of NTUC, I think of the supermarket, NTUC Fairprice. I just hope that if he is elected, the prices of goods will go down.


In other worldwide news, I just found out that by 2030, nearly half of the men in the UK will be obese. At least now I know where I will be heading to 20 years down the road because it'll be easier to get la... ots of friends.

Who loves money? Me!

It has suddenly occurred to be that the direct translation of "Happy" in Chinese means "Open Heart". The fuck?

Last week I had my English O Levels Oral examination and I was so nervous!! For the first time ever I actually bothered to read up and studied for oral. Can you imagine?

And as it turns out... it was...


EASY PEASY SIMPLE ZITZLE!!!


I am SO happy you cannot imagine. For the first time ever in my secondary school life I was NOT nervous for the passage-reading.

I managed to stay calm, read at a regular pace and enunciated my words almost perfectly. I admittedly did stutter a little bit and pronounced by t- words as th- but I corrected myself almost immediately after making mistakes like that so I guess it's okay.

The picture discussion part, despite being harder as teachers claim, was quite easy for me! It was a picture of old people using computers at an event organised by "www.inotold.com" and the picture despite being deemed bland by others, I managed to say craploads of things! I'm impressed with myself.

And the invigilator only prompted me once so I guess that's a good thing. I don't know about you but I'm getting excited as I type this even though it's already over.

The conversation was simply MMAAAARRRVELLLOOOUUSSSS. For ALL 5 questions never once did I stop to ponder for my answer. The answers just *snap* came right to my mind and I said everything nicely. You had no fucking idea man.

I feel so bloody proud of myself but one person who should NOT be proud of himself is the male invigilator. I was so PISSED OFF even though I had to stay happy in front of them. Secretly inside I was holding a voodoo doll of him violently piercing his crotch area.

Every time I made eye contact with him, he would always be on the brink of falling asleep. You know when the person's eyelids are half-closed? YEA. THAT. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Bloody cheebye I thought my conversation was VERY interesting okay? So rude! I hope his wife falls asleep while having sex with him too!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ superfluous segue ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I got back my Mother Tongue O Levels results and I am very pleased to say that I got a...




B3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOLY SHIT!

At first when I saw the name list I didn't know how to look at the grade and only saw the (M) part representing a Merit for oral.

A MERIT OF ORAL!!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE?

SOMEWHERE IN HELL, MY ANCESTORS ARE ROLLING AROUND IN THEIR BASKETS OF DIMSUMS!! I am so happy because even for my worst subject, I am able to get a B3. Nothing is impossible!!!

I feel so grateful to have LLT as my teacher this year because she had faith in me that I would be able to do it! She told me to aim for an A2 but hey, a B3 is a B3 so it is what it is.

Unlike many other people who got B3, I don't think I'll be retaking the paper. The thought of writing another essay and letter repulses me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~superfluous segue 2*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Yesterday night I went to watch ayumi hamasaki's NEXT LEVEL tour in 3D! That's right! It definitely made the show much more enjoyable considering that tour to be one of Ayu's less entertaining tours. I'll also be watching the RnR C Tour in 3D on 30th September. So excited!

Gaylang




Yesterday I went to Geylang with Edrie, Khadijah, Sabrina, Shiela and Philana and not only was it my first time visiting Geylang (you may proceed to judge me) but it was also my first time staying the night at Hotel 81! Ok I'm just joking because I couldn't find any available ones that night. (I may or may not be joking about this one)

So apparently for every Ramadan there will be loads of bazaars at that area and let's just say my first experience there was not a pleasant one. That is mainly because it was so fucking hot when I'm not even covering up much. Go figure.

I've never been to places as bloody crowded as that before and I've seen more shop signs typed in Monotype Corsiva font than I can ever imagine. In addition to that, I even saw presidential candidate Dr. Tan Cheng Bock! I also endangered my life for about 10 times.

So while sweating like a cow I got molested about three times, molested about 50 other people and accidentally wiped sweat from my forehead using a tissue that had dropped on the floor earlier.

I also strongly believe that the amount of smoke produced from all the cooking is equivalent to the amount of pollution produced by the Chinese for the Hungry Ghost Festival.

But nothing that day could be more pleasant than having to try what I was really looking forward to trying...

DENG DENG.

My initial reaction to this was "What the fuck?" but as it turns out, it's HALAL BAK KWA!!! Which is usually made of beef or chicken, so of course I had to try it.

And so I did.







And it changed my life.

Not only did I get a foodgasm coupled with an epiphany, but I also felt like my life suddenly had meaning again. It was like a life-changing moment where I felt like my life was starting anew.

In other words, it was fucking amazing. This definitely goes onto the list of foods that taste way better than their non-halal counterparts. Bee Cheng Hiang can kiss the deng deng's sweet dengy ass.



Happiness in a bag

It looks very disgusting but hey, your _______'s _______ is also very ______ but you still eat it up like nobody's business right?


Unfortunately the price is rather ridiculous at 100g for $4, and 100g is about 2 pieces of that. So each square of deng deng is actually $2 but hey, if it tastes like food for the gods, then it's worth it.

I think what really makes it different from bak kwa is that it is less saltier, much sweeter and much softer. Of course the best part for me was that it was soft compared to bak kwa. They say bak kwa is more crispy but most of the time you eat it cold, so crisp simi crisp? It's just a hard... thing. I was never really a huge fan of bak kwa.


On a more pathetic note, I also tried the Ramly Burger for the first time in my life. Can you believe how sua ku I am? Unfortunately I bought one of the awful ones (apparently when it comes to Ramly Burgers, it all depends on your luck to find a decent-tasting stall) so... how lovely.

We also chanced upon this place that sold huge assed carpets and were also giving out balloons. (Which Lana went apeshit over) I was wondering why they were giving out balloons when they were promoting carpets and then I suddenly remembered of flying carpets. Get it? Cuz they sell carpets and give out balloons that fly? *ba dum tsh* Thank you thank you

On the way back home since this was somewhat a ~cultural exchange~ I decided to teach that racist Edrie something of my culture too! I taught him phrases like "si gin na", "orh see", "orh liu", "diu lei", "sei yan tao" and upon seeing Khadijah falling asleep, "fan dou lei sei ah!"

I wish I could have taken more photos but I didn't want my phone to contract chlamydia. /norelevance

| | -- this close to being misanthropic

I think if I were given a choice to put up with the stupidity of some people or to go through 2012, I would rather have 2012.

For someone like me who is full of shit, it means A LOT if I think someone is full of shit. And not just full of shit, but also very stupid.

As George Carlin would say, "People are fucking stupid."

And this leads me to what I really am going to talk about today -- JWSS. You know what they say (by 'they' I really mean nobody), everybody will have their fall one day.

I sincerely with all my heart think that JWSS is about to reach that stage.

First of all, I am inside that school, so I have been making the school shit since 2008. But as if that isn't as miserable as it is already, today, I have finally come to a consensus that batch after batch, JWSS gets shittier and shittier.

But if you think I'm just being really stupid check out this piece of shit.

Yesterday, my form teacher told me about a Sec 3 boy who I feel is an utter embarrassment to mankind.

Not only did he not hand in a simple E-Math assignment SINCE THE START OF THE SEMESTER, but when she went to find him yesterday in class to hand it in while they were still having lessons, he decided to be a smartass, activate his ninja mode and sneak into the next door's class to hide.

What... a piece of shit.

At first, he didn't know how to do the assignment, so my teacher suggested he stay back after school to do it under her coaching, which is something he had been doing for some time. But he didn't. Then he just didn't do anything about it, which led to his class not being able to have a class test.

In addition to that blasphemy, Sec 1s and Sec 2s are also hiding under tables and then asking the teacher, "Eh cher, you realise got some people missing??"

I was about to type "Are they being serious?" and then I realised they obviously aren't.

Even back then when I was in Sec 1 nobody did stupid things like that. Really? Hiding under tables? Were you born in a barn? Would you like some hay?

It is one thing to be clueless about something (eg. homework) but it is a totally different thing to make a complete idiot out of yourself in front of the whole world.

Goodness knows 10 years down the road JWSS would become a pig sty.

But in all fairness NOT EVERYBODY after my batch is shitty la, okay? But some people are really nasty! Like I'm talking about awfulness to an extent where it's almost unbelievable! I truly believe that some people are so ridiculously shitty that they really outweigh the genuinely good ones.

If I were a teacher and I have shit students who hide under tables, I will look at them with a deadpan expression and say, "Really?"

Or worse still, have a student who doesn't hand in work for EVEN ONE WEEK I will fucking call his/her parents and say as much shit as possible no matter how defensive their parents are. Some people really need to get their shit together.

And then I'll probably end up being sacked for being such a "shitty teacher" but it's okay because I always tell myself that "beauty fades, dumb is forever". It's not my fault people decide to be so stupid and think they are geniuses. (Like me, which means this last line doesn't make any sense at all)

Just because you're 18 doesn't mean you can get away with this (NSFW or is it?)

Guess who's an old fuck now?




HAPPY BIRTHDAY
JIARONG!!!



And this is why, ladies and gentlemen, people refuse to be friends with me.

CDs of the month! (#19)

CDz 0f lé m0nthxzsxzsxz. You rikey rikey?




Beyoncé's 4 Deluxe Edition! I'm not really a Beyoncé fan but this album really caught my attention because the album is actually pretty solid! Run The World was such a misleading lead single.



Alicia Keys' Songs In A Minor 10th Anniversary re-release Collector's Edition~ this thus completes my Alicia album discography! This album is also really really good. Now I understand why many didn't like The Element of Freedom because it pales in comparison to her other works.


(2011.07.27) MISIA - SOUL QUEST (Limited Edition | Bonus Disc)
(2011.07.27) JASMINE - ONLY YOU


MISIA's latest album and JASMINE's latest single! SOUL QUEST was actually better than my expectations, and probably better than her last album. Too bad it kinda flopped on the charts for her standards. Likewise for JASMINE. The world of J-Pop is going to be dominated by AKB48 and SNSD!



First Press poster for SOUL QUEST~


(2011.07.27) Namie Amuro - NAKED / Fight Together / Tempest (CD+DVD | First Press | Special Packaging)


The queen of lazy is back with a new single exactly 364 days after her last. I like how they made the cover and everything transparent at the background which they aptly named "NAKED packaging"


So that's all for this month! There's going to be an onslaught of J-releases within the next 2 months and I am so excited.