24 October 2011 - 4 November 2011 (Science P1 is nothing)



SEVEN DAYS WAR - ayumi hamasaki
I wrote the word “revolution” in my notebook
I’ve got to climb the wall that blocks the way to tomorrow
I knocked on the closed door, still unable to talk
About the reasons for the broken glass and the knife marks on my desk

I don’t want to destroy everything, I just want to search for something
I don’t want to turn my back on everything, I just want to choose myself

Seven days war, I’ll fight
Until I can get my hands on our place
Seven days war get place to live
So I can just be myself

“Communication”, my voice won’t reach you
Smashed shoes and a torn shirt
I can’t follow the rules if I don’t understand their meaning

I don’t want to fight anyone, I just want to find myself
I don’t want to hate anyone, I just want to convey my feelings

Seven days war, I’ll fight
I won’t let anyone have our place
Seven days war get place to live
So I can live without hanging my head

Seven days war, I’ll fight
Until I can get my hands on our place, so do it now
Seven days war get place to live
So I can just be myself

Seven days war, I’ll fight
I’ll never give up our place to anyone
Seven days war get place to live
So I can live without hanging my head

Seven days war, I’ll fight
So I can just be myself

Sibei sian

One thing I really don't like about a lot of my schoolmates is that they would incessantly talk about my blog, whether briefly or explicitly. It's fine if they only ALLUDE to it but NOOOO more often than not their words would include "travis", "meatpao", "blog" or all three together.

I'm anal about this because most of the time, it's always something bad. Oh, and did I mention?  

THEY WILL TELL THAT TO TEACHERS.

Among students still okay you know, they even want to tell the teachers? Sometimes they even do it right in front of me. Even though I prefer that than talking behind my back, I really do not appreciate that at all. It's not even on one occasion that I've experienced this. It has been going on since 2009.

I don't even consider myself to be exactly reputable among the JWSS teachers already, okay? I think I've already left a bad impression for being crude and this is just going to be fuelled by people who make me seem more notorious than I already am.

Whatever is written here stays here. I do not need all this "promotion" via "word of mouth" especially to people who generally frown upon most of the content here. What exactly is your aim?

I mean, it's not that I DON'T appreciate promotion. You can go ahead and tell the whole world about how supposedly "funny" and "interesting" this site is, but you KNOW I swear a lot on here. You KNOW I talk shit about others.

Yet instead of respecting me, you go around telling teachers, "Eh, Travis is actually very vulgar. Just look at his blog. Meatpao.blogspot.com."

Really? Is that what you want to do? I've NEVER portrayed myself to be some kind of INNOCENT ANGEL. I have never in my life tried to be something I'm not. Just ask my friends.

It's great that I am able to entertain you when you come here, but there you are talking shit about me? That's like having sex with your mother and then telling your grandmother, "Eh I fucked your daughter."

If teachers "stumble" upon this site by themselves, fine by me. I would rather let them judge me by the content written here than listening to others' opinion(s) about me.

What I'm trying to say is that if you like reading my blog, thanks, I appreciate it.

If you want to tell your friends about it, thanks, I appreciate it too.

If you're going to tell that to people who would find this site inappropriate such as the president, I don't know what is wrong with you. A line has to be drawn somewhere.

And for the 81735th time, I AM NOT FAMOUS. I have NO idea where this whole nonsense started, but I'm considered nothing in the blogosphere.  I don't even go around telling people I'm famous because why would I want to spread lies about myself while making myself seem like a complete asshole?

In fact, I am not even blogging to get famous.

I started doing this because ever since primary school, writing has been a hobby of mine. If I do manage to make it big, then that's a plus.

But I don't want to be famous for all the wrong reasons. If I want to be known for anything, I want to be known for the content that I write; the entertainment value that I bring to you all, and not known for all the bullshit everyone has been saying about me.

iGraduate



Graduation ceremony was awesome!!! Buffet was amazingly delicious and free!!!

But I don't have the time to blog about the entire thing right now. I will blog in full detail some time next month ;)

Meanwhile...





I dunno how people can 69 when they're so far from each other... hmmm...

The girl named Spaghetti Bolognese

 "Spaghetti Bolognese! I'm a little busy today, so you're going to help me deliver some fruits to your grandmother."

Without even gathering her thoughts together, she bellowed from her room, "KANINABU CHAO CHEE BYE!"

Spaghetti Bolognese was a 12-year-old girl who was extremely rude and incredibly vulgar for someone her age. She was full of herself and did not even have a modicum of respect for anybody. Her life essentially revolved around the philosophy of "I AM THE BOSS OF MY SAUCE", with sauce actually referring to her life.

Utterly shocked and mortified for the 12,485th time (her mother is a bit senile), she marched her way from the kitchen to Spaghetti Bolognese's room.

"STOP COMPLAINING AND DO ME A FAVOUR FOR ONCE, YOU RUDE FUCK!"

Staring at her computer screen playing AuditionSEA, with her character bearing absolutely no resemblance to her in reality, she whined, "I don't like grandma! She's a FREAK! Besides, doesn't she have legs of her own to buy her own shit?"

"First of all, don't call my mother a freak," her mother's arms akimbo. "Secondly, last time I checked, she's HANDICAPPED. You're going to visit her and YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE IT," she said with finality.

On her mother's behest, Spaghetti Bolognese grudgingly dragged her corpulent ass, carried the fruits containing shiny red apples and a few pears, put on her favourite red hood and left her shabby 3-room HDB flat. She liked to pretend that she was the Singaporean Little Red Riding Hood, except the "Little" is actually "Fat".

On her way to the train station, she gave furtive glances at every other morbidly obese person she walked pass, sniggering and judging them, clearly having not heard of "say people say yourself" before.

While on the train, she was accosted by a suspicious man wearing a trench coat and a hat, somewhat resembling like a cross between a flasher and a pedophile. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck," Spaghetti Bolognese repeatedly chanted while facing another direction, staring from the corner of her eyes.

The man touched her shoulder and she freaked out. "AHHHH! NABEI!" Spaghetti Bolognese squeaked and attempted to kick the man in his vagina.

"Calm down, girl, I would just like to ask-"

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO TELL ME TO CALM DOWN? I DON'T NEED TO SEE YOUR PENIS BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S AS SMALL AS MY DEFORMED PINKY!" she flashed her deformed pinky in front of the man's face and the man gagged while grimacing upon seeing the horrific sight.

"I know I am very sexy and very voluptuous," Spaghetti Bolognese said seductively while caressing her hips. "But that doesn't mean I'll let you enter my pikachu!" After saying that, the man vomitted for real.

"Listen up, dipshit, I just want to know where you're heading to," said the man through his clenched teeth.

"I don't think it's an offence for me to visit my grandmother, is it?" Spaghetti Bolognese replied with a smug look on her face. "This bitch ain't got nothing on me," she thought to herself. The man walked away.

She happily made her way to her grandmother's house upon alighting, excited to regale her grandmother with what had happened.

Upon reaching the front door of her grandmother's small 1-room flat, she heard weird sounds coming from inside the house, sounding like what she figured was moaning. The sounds immediately stopped after she rang the doorbell.

Her grandmother opened the door, wearing nothing but a blue dress with a corpulent figure, much alike Spaghetti Bolognese herself, sitting comfortably on her remote-controlled wheelchair.

"Why, it's Spagh- sp- OH FUCK IT. It's been some time since I've last seen you! You've grown bigger, girl," said her grandmother while caressing her porky hand like nobody's business.

"What were those sounds from inside before I rang the bell, grandma?" Spaghetti Bolognese asked quizzically.

"Oh, it's nothing…" replied her grandmother softly, occasionally glancing at a closed laptop computer in the vicinity.

"oooOOoooOOoo notti notti!" Spaghetti Bolognese waved one finger along with a wink of an eye. "Aaanyway, here's some fruits from my mother. Your senile daughter. I'll just leave it here and I'll be on my way home!"

"Not so fast, honey, take a seat and I'll make some tea!" said her kind, handicapped grandmother.

"Bu-"

"TAKE A SEAT!" commanded her grandmother. Spaghetti Bolognese immediately sat her fat ass down.

While sipping their little cups of English breakfast tea, the silence was penetrated by sudden loud banging noises coming from the door. Both Spaghetti Bolognese and her grandmother stood from their seats and the door came flying off its hinges. Spaghetti Bolognese's grandmother turned livid, but before she could say anything, she was shot in the chest by the intruder's gun.

He was the same man Spaghetti Bolognese had met on the train.

As Spaghetti Bolognese's grandmother collapsed to the floor, clutching the area she was shot at, she lay motionless, and Spaghetti Bolognese was cornered by the man, looking at her with interest. Everything was happening too fast for her to realise the extreme gravitas of the situation, mostly due to the fact that she had an IQ of 1.5.

"Why hello there… pretty girl… we meet again," he said slowly and seductively, eying Spaghetti Bolognese from head to toe.

"KANINA, BACK OFF, YOU PERVERT!" Spaghetti Bolognese spat on his face and gave him a tight slap across his cheek. In a disgusting twist of events, the man swallowed her spit. Spaghetti Bolognese gagged.

"Oh... you have a gag reflex? Well, that's sad, but it doesn't matter now... because we're going to have some fun..." the unabated man was starting to drool. It's hard to come across a man who fancies fat, obnoxious, underage girls.

Spaghetti Bolognese shut her eyes tightly and screamed bloody murder until there was a loud bang which happened almost simultaneously.

She slowly opened her eyes and the man was lying on the floor with a pool of blood forming around him. She looked up and got the shock of her life when she saw her grandmother back alive.

"Wa, hong gan! Macam k00l! Last time I saw this happen was in the Pirates of the Caribbean, got watch not?!" said Spaghetti Bolognese in sheer astonishment.

"I don't even watch movies anymore, the handicapped one put right in front, by the end of the movie I'll be paralyzed neck down instead!" Her grandmother proceeded to expose her chest area, evincing the bulletproof vest hidden underneath. "Lao niang is hip and cool."

 Spaghetti Bolognese marched up to her grandmother and kicked her in the groin.

"Fucker, not only was I almost raped because you decided to 'die', BUT YOU'RE NOT EVEN HANDICAPPED? KAY EN EN, NOBODY LIES TO ME!" Spaghetti Bolognese was absolutely livid, totally ungrateful that if her grandmother didn't wear the vest she would have been raped (although that might be a good thing since she may not even get penetration in her life)

"Go home la go home la, I'll settle this mess myself." Her grandmother rolled her eyes.

"Oh shit! I have to harvest my crops on FarmVille!" Spaghetti Bolognese ran off without saying goodbye.

"You have very promising career prospects! Farming will be very suitable for you!" shouted her grandmother even though Spaghetti Bolognese had already left. "NOW HOW AM I GOING TO FIX THIS DOOR?"


Spaghetti Bolognese went home and regaled to her mother about the incident.

"She what?!"

"That's right, she shot him right in the face! Or so I think."

"What was he wearing again?"

"A brown trench coat with a brown hat. In hindsight, he's kinda old too. Nabei! Lao niang almost tio rape by old man! I would have been so depressed and killed myself right there and then!"

Spaghetti Bolognese's mother's face then turned from one of shock to one of concern.

"She killed your grandfather..."

Spaghetti Bolognese was so upset that her mother was actually not concerned about her being almost raped that she sucker-punched her mother in the left boob.

Prelim Results (Best results evar!!!)

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HAAAALLELUJAH! HAAAALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAHLUJAHLUJAH!

Best results ever!!! So happy!!!

This is the highest overall percentage I've ever gotten in my entire secondary school life, and first time I got a single digit for my L1R4! And of course...

FIRST TIME GETTING #1 IN THE ENTIRE CLASS.

I'm so proud of myself!!! Good job Travis! *pats own back* And I actually got a level position of 2?!?! Like holy shit what are the odds!!! I only lost to Marcus!!!

I was asking Mdm Ruby some questions on Friday and she was damn happy because the top 2 in the level are apparently her Geography reps LOL.

This thus makes me the first rude asshole and motherfucker who deserves to be shot in the face 24/7 to attain a high ranking for both the class and the level!

Just like the MYEs, Ms Teo also gave the Top 10 gifts! The 6th to 10th got flashcards and the top 5 received a special edition Starbucks card with $10 inside!



Does that look sexy or does that look sexy?


So the moral of the story is... HARDWORK PAYS OFF! Make the impossible possible! Insert more cliché lines here!



The one thing I did this time round that was different from the other exams was that I STARTED REVISION EARLY (seriously if you don't you'll fucking regret it) and I discovered that it's actually not that hard, considering that I am a procrastinator at the highest level.

But working hard does not mean mugging like crazy and burning the midnight oil.


BURNING THE MIDNIGHT OIL DOES NOT WORK.

I think this is something I need to voice out because I see a lot of people doing it! I strongly advise against it because NOT EVERYONE CAN PULL IT OFF.

I am a firm advocate of getting enough rest to be optimally alert and fresh during the paper. 8 hours of sleep or more! If you're studying and you feel tired, just STOP and go to sleep. This is the principle that I follow because I realised that studying while feeling sleepy is just a waste of everyone's time since you're essentially just staring at a book. Been there, done that!


It has also been scientifically proven that NO HUMAN CAN MULTITASK. Male or female, you can't, you cunt! You *think* you can multitask, but what you don't know is that while multitasking, the productivity in all areas generally go down. If you are studying, that's all you have to do. I studied with 100% focus and 0 distractions and hey gurl hey *points to first picture above*


I don't think this is the time for anybody to feel discouraged because at the end of the day, it's only the prelims. It's the big O that matters, and I'm not even talking about orgasms. It really is all about working hard! From a no-nonsense-but-full-of-shit person saying this, it means A LOT.

Remember how I got a B3 for my E-Math MYE? I did the entire TYS during the June holidays within 6 days. Now, I got 94% for my prelims. I don't even practice witchcraft! Nothing is impossible if you work towards it! (Although my EM results are fluctuating now BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT)

Besides, at least you all win me in NAPFA!



Ur hur hur ur hur hur just another day in the life of Travis Chan

CDs of the month! (#21)

21! 2NE1!

So yesterday I went to watch A3D II aka




A3D-II ayumi hamasaki Rock'n'Roll Circus Tour FINAL ~7days Special~ !!!!!!!1!!!111!





AND IT WAS FUCKING AMAZING!!!
Beats the first one for AT09 by a thousand times!!!




FLAWLESS, GORGEOUS, PRETTY, BEAUTIFUL, MARRIED, JAPANESE ETC ETC

And it's actually the first time for me watching the concert even though I bought the DVD a long time ago. How stupid right? NO TIME LA NO TIME LA I have better issues at hand.


Randomly farting out a picture here and there

So yes I was blown away and I don't mean it in a sexual way! Probably one of Ayu's best concerts ever, although something prior to the show happened on the way there. I did something SO STUPID and it's worse than the dig-rubbish-bag fiasco, and you know how that went. So it shall remain a secret between Jiarong (who watched with me) and I! And my mother. Maybe I'll say it when I'm not very embarrassed by it anymore provided I remember.


Ok now for CDs of the month!!!



(2011.07.20) ayumi hamasaki - ayumi hamasaki COUNTDOWN LIVE 2010-2011 ~do it again~

Here is another DVD added to my list of DVDs to watch in December. How exciting



(2011.09.21) Koda Kumi - Ai wo Tomenaide (CD+DVD | First Press)

Another Kuu single AGAIN which only has 2 tracks but both songs are nice so it's all good! And already she has announced her NEXT single coming out in November! What a crazy bitch!


Also I'll most likely be posting up my prelim results tomorrow and haolian excessively so don't say I didn't warn you!