A year without RAAAAAAAAAIN (Hi Selena Gomz)

Earlier this year I've been duped by the biggest asshole in Singapore. I read this book written by some ~*grand master*~ who predicts your luck and shit for the year based on your zodiac during Chinese New Year.

So for people like me born in the year of the dog, 2012 was supposed to be so bad that I would basically fail in life and shit. Well, that's not too far from the truth for me, but after reading that I even went all the way to some godforsaken temple I've never been to to pray to the gods.

Bullshit man. My year was fucking awesome. Therefore this can only lead to two conclusions: (1) the praying to the gods actually worked, so thank you whoever (2) grand master more like great grand father instead.

As the year, not the world, is coming to an end, here is a list of all the stupid accomplishments that I have achieved, which also serves as a very direct fuck you to that zodiac master dude. I'm never reading your shit again!
  1. I had my first ever job and I loved it
  2. Actually did pretty well for my O Levels
  3. Won at least one award for Speech Day and got to eat the buffet (albeit a disappointing one) - the reason why I worked so hard for my O's
  4. Got into the course I've always wanted
  5. Improved relations with people around me
  6. Ended up on the Director's List for my first semester
  7. Got into Radio Heatwave - one of the 3 things on my to-do list as a poly student
  8. Finally got around to learn the piano
  9. Got to watch Lady fucking Gaga live -- and at the first row too
  10. Changed up my hair for once -- still unattractive, but at least I'm not walking around looking like Steven Lim
  11. Went to China and lived to tell the tale
  12. Started a J-Pop blog at long last which is doing moderately well
  13. Met the greatest bunch of friends I could once only ever dreamed of :)
While that was a list of things I got done during the year, what you don't know yet is the list of things I didn't do during the year.
1. Actually wrapping up my series of blog posts documenting my braces journey 
Because I wanted to make a video showing the transition but I never really got around to do it. Maybe next year, maybe next year.
2. Completing my China blog post series
Oops. The only deadline I stuck to was for the first part of the series and after that I was just like meh. I'LL GET IT DONE!

Anyway to usher in the new year I'm experiencing yet another phase in my life where I feel like making changes to my room, and I'm going to start by actually throwing away my closet. That's right people, I'm coming out of the closet.

Loljk the truth is the sliding doors spoilt a few months after I got it in 2008 (that's 5 bloody years ago) and I don't even use the clothes in my closet anymore. I store most of my clothes in my mother's closet since she doesn't stay with us anymore and it's more spacious.

So I'll be replacing where my closet is with a chest of drawers instead where I can hide the mess that's exposed to all the dust and stuff around my room. Aiya if you've seen my room before you'll know

2012 for me was a great year although I've faced some really shitty periods but for the most part I still feel pretty amazing, other than the fact that I'm going through what might be some premature form of a midlife crisis. I need help.

Will be baking some cheesecake tomorrow (ie. later on today) to prep for the steamboat party on the 1st (yay) so that's exciting.

Anyway I don't have a calendar for next year! Since 2007 I've been buying Ayu's calendars but it seems that she's too lazy to produce them anymore. I guess they really thought the world was going to end this year.

Also, since I've been feeling really bored lately, I'd also like to take the chance to inform everyone that I now have a formspring account. Yes, ask me all your anonymous, sexual, questions. Tell me your darkest secrets...  because I have nothing better in life to do. What to do, midlife crisis.

Christmas in 2012



I decided to start off this post with this really unflattering and/or non-representative *ahem* picture of me because I am an attention whore. It's also to show how much I condone drinking your sorrows away.

Anyway this year's Christmas celebrations for me were pretty eventful!! In fact it's not even over yet because there's something else on the 1st as well as next year but oh wow the point is isn't it amazing how my life is so hip hop and happening?!

On Christmas Eve I finally decided to visit Sibyl!!! The last time I saw her was like after the Born This Way Ball which was all the way back in May! Plus I haven't seen her cat Tatie in almost a year!



Preparation for Chinese New Year



Hehe

Too bad we didn't really do much though. Tatie was busy smelling the roasted pork rice which I packed there (I asked the woman for Roasted duck AND roasted pork rice dammit) though I must say that's one way they are better than dogs where the latter will probably devour the whole thing in a blink

We did cards though!! It was a pretty last minute thing because later that day I had a Christmas party at Eva's house (as with every year) with the usual gang and I didn't prepare any gifts for them HAHAHA I'm so mean but hey, the both of us eventually decided to come up with something made with TRC (tender roving care) and words from the bottom of my heart



These are the front of the cards. The shapes I cut them into are not the things that each of them like, but rather what suits the concept of my words best. You will know why:



Sincere or WHAT? And this Christmas makes it the third consecutive year I've made cards for them! I'm on a card-making ROLL

But of course I kept tripping over my conscience that night (god dammit) because they all put in so much more effort in their gifts :( I'm sorry guys but I will be there 5ever 4 u



Potentially possessed necklace from Christel from Nepal and a MARC JACOBS laptop sleeve from Eva + her mum! Crazy but I ROVE IT! They say it's so me but I'm guessing that's simply based on the nip slip alone

Philana also made me a jar of her AWESOME cookies so guess who's cumming all over the floor tonight

I'm sorry for the disturbing visual you may or may not have just had

But you know what suay thing happened? When I was on the train to Lakeside to get to Eva's house I asked her what bus I can take from the Lakeside MRT Station itself. She said 180 and 187, so I boarded a 180, and she said I can just alight after 2 stops.

After 2 stops, I knew I was nowhere near where I was supposed to me and just assumed that maybe the "2 stops" was referring to bus 187 and that maybe 180 will eventually turn in and go to where I should be.

NOPE. The moment it went past Chinese Garden it turned into BUKIT TIMAH RD and that was when I knew it was the cue for me to alight. And I got lost. So I took a cab there eventually.

I slept over that night and on Christmas Day itself I was going to meet Angus for Korean BBQ at Novena woah woah woah

Not before Eva's mum decided to give me a facial though:



All she used was egg white and cotton pads. Apparently this was her home remedy for her acne / blackheads / whatever back when she was schooling as well. And I must say it's DAMN GOOD because after the cotton pads dried, I peeled them off and every. single. blackhead. was GONE! I was so impressed man

As for the fake cucumbers on my eyes I only casually said "Should also put cucumbers on my eyes ah" and OUP THERE IT IS

Later that night Angus and I went to some Korean BBQ buffet restaurant at Novena village which was freaking awesome although I didn't snap any pictures. After that we just lepak-ed somewhere and talked till 11:00PM. Would've been better if we had beer but oh wells ~*17 year old alcoholic problems*~

We're such sad losers to be spending Christmas all alone with each other but it's okay because the food and company was still great



The next day Nicolene, Kin Leonn and I went to Hatched for breakfast! Well it wasn't really planned to be a Christmas breakfast but it's just so convenient to label things nowadays. Like how people like to label me as a retard. Except mine is true

It was our first time going there and the food there is soooo gooooood. Plus Kin Leonn came all over the floor so that's embarrassing (no it didn't really happen) (or did it?)



Me taking a picture of Nicolene taking a picture of Nicolene.



And here is Kin Leonn showing off his mad skillz at the piano because he is ~*oh so talented*~ which Rajid can't stop slapping in my face with on Twitter the other day urgh


Yesterday we also had an impromptu Christmas celebration with Angus, Nicolene, Charmaine, Corinne, Jesslyn, Jeremy and Valerie at my house. Only because Charmaine decided to have her secret santa exchange w/ Jesslyn, Jeremy and Valerie at my house HAHAHA.

It was a very historical event because I finally convinced my schoolmates to come to Jurong West! And they've come to realise that it's actually not surrounded by industrial shit everywhere #surprise

We wanted to study but we ended up gossiping ALL DAY LONG and I swear you put 4 FMS girls in a room all hell breaks loose man if it wasn't my house I'd be running home already but it was still hilarious nonetheless

And that's all for the Christmas celebrations so far. Will be having a steamboat partay w/ the kampongz on the 1st then a Christmas loft-stay (lol) with the Radio Heatwave crew from 11-12 Jan so exciting.

In other exciting news Angela made me a Christmas card which has so much more effort put in than my other cards and I received my MacBook case yesterday woohoo! Those transparent ones so that I can print stickers and kiap them between the case and the laptop.

OH AND I'M TURNING 18 SOON? Fuck that shit

The Revolutionary Fried Rice Game

Okay hello everybody Merry Christmas eve. I can't sleep tonight so I've decided to blog. I don't know about you guys but I'm getting excited

Anyway just now on Skype I was talking to Nicolene and Kin Leonn and I suddenly thought of a BRILLIANT IDEA.

The Revolutionary Fried Rice Game.

It is a fantastic (if I may say so myself) game idea that everyone can play for friend or family gatherings. These gatherings will never be the same again!!

First of all you need to find a person's house that has a looooot of rice. I know, that's so challenging.

Then each attendee to your ~*party*~ will have to bring one ingredient each, and from there you must use all the ingredients brought to cook the fried rice. COOL RIGHT?

Plus this is like the ultimate test of friendship man. If it's just an acquaintance who's cheapo and doesn't wanna spend much, he or she will probably just bring hot dogs.

If it's a really close friend of yours, he or she will probably bring dead cockroaches. What a feast!

I really should be sleeping now though because I'll be meeting Sibyl and her cat Tatie later on today and then having a Christmas dinner at Eva's house. It's gonna be a great day! My ass.

I'm going to be a walking zombie dependent on caffeine and will probably zonk out while the night is still young. Plus, I didn't get any Christmas presents for my friends going to Eva's house too. I'm such a dick.

But to be fair they didn't even appreciate my present last year lor! I lovingly photoshopped each of their faces (meticulously chosen from their Facebook photos!) onto a really hot body of the opposite sex, and  printed them out on the front of the card. Now, if that isn't sweet, I don't know what is.

But noooOOooOooo they never let anyone else see my fine piece of art again and dumped it in the darkest depths of their rooms. I had nothing but good intentions ;_;

Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok goodnight good lord my words are so boring even typing them feels like I'm reading a bedtime story

From real cupcakes to fake sushi

What better way to kick-start a term break by baking cupcakes at Charmaine's house? Lolling around in your bed with the air con on at full blast. But since I've decided to live a more active lifestyle (my ass), we be baking cupcakes y'all!

Part of the cupcakes were for her best friend whose birthday is like, tomorrow, but I don't even know her so talk about ~*kindness of strangers*~ hahahaha

On a random sidenote I think I might consider moving to Khatib now that I've discovered that there's an actual Indian rojak stall there :OOOOO

So everything was going pretty well and I was getting the hang of making the actual cupcakes from the already prepared batter.

And then they told me to create the last batch of batter, and to save time, also told me to double the dosage so I was actually making 2 batches of batter in one big bowl. Big responsibility man!!

So I was having so much fun sieving in the flour, but I complained about how sticky the sieve was until I totally forgot how much flour I was putting in.

Then when I said "Shit guys I forgot how much flour I put in already." YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON NICOLENE TAN'S FACE. Waaa I swear she was about to grab me by the ball sack and hang me upside down from the ceiling fan by my underwear!

So I got so scared that I pretended like I remembered and was like "Oh yea remember liao I GOT IT!" and continued adding more flour and continuing like I knew my shit when actually I didn't even know what I was doing

Eventually when it got to mixing the batter it ended up being DAMN THICK AND STICKY but I kept hoping that maybe it (1) needed more oil (2) needed more buttermilk (3) just not beaten long enough yet to its desired consistency.

Tried all 3, all 3 didn't work, and the consistency ended up being similar to MUA CHEE. I felt so bad that I disappointed everyone plus it was the first time they experienced my baking so naturally they have ~*formed the perception of Travis being inept at baking*~ which is NOT TRUE!

Eventually when they still kept to the faith that it might end up good, IT DID LOOK GOOD AFTER COMING OUT OF THE OVEN! But they tasted like shit of course. Plus those things were so robust you could probably throw it from the 20th storey and there wouldn't be a single dent in it.

But hey, at least something good came out of something bad. If my future prospect of being a baker fails, I can always bake for people who only use food for illustration purposes for advertisements. RIGHT? Shut up I'm just trying to console myself ok

Then I got really depressed so I ended up playing with Charmaine's playdough sushi set which I must say I'm pretty damn good at



But all in all we all still had fun and I'm still sorry and remorseful nonetheless for ruining what could have been amazing cupcakes. I'm just glad nobody threw me down the open window because of my screwing up and after that we went to Seoul Garden which immediately made me regret having that Indian rojak


You know I was actually pretty sad when they said things like "YUE BANG YUE MANG", "GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!", and "TRAVIS JUST SIT DOWN AND WATCH THE OVEN" and I've come to realise that if there's anything I place greater pride in than my collarbones, it's my cooking lor!

Milo even said that they have experienced my first failure :( IF YOU CUT ME DO I NOT BLEED ok la I know they were only joking but pain is pain any way you slice it :( or bake it :( or sieve it :(

Maybe if the sieve decided not to be so sticky I wouldn't be so distracted with all the complaining IT'S THE SIEVE'S FAULT! What do you mean by "don't blame the gun blame the person shooting it" I dunno what you're talking about

Meanwhile I dunno why but I'm supposed to relax for this 2 weeks yet I keep having the constant feeling of having so much shit to do. Oh noes

I'm sorry that I'm not dead yet :(

I apologise for the lack of updates this past week because I've been busy trying to kill myself. I apologise once again for those who were hoping I'd be dead but I'm not so fuck you too!

Though I think my end is near because I've had a flu and cough for about one week now and it's getting really annoying. Plus somewhere in the middle of the week I actually had blood in my mucus how gross.

Anyway I'm finally done with the term!!!!! Which is actually pretty sad. I'm starting to enjoy this semester although everyone can't seem to wait for the next semester break. Hello? Before we know it we'll be second year students!!! But I wanna be a freshie 5ever!!!!

Last week's marketing test was actually okay and it was pretty shocking to hear from Ms Janice that I emailed her the most questions over the weekend when I only asked like 2.

Also I'm quite satisfied with my first 2 Radio assignments' results as well. Apparently for the first assignment Mr Yoka didn't like the idea of my "Wow!" and "Oh my god!" sound effects being only 1 second each because they should be three.

Where got people wow can wow for 3 seconds one? I even used the iPhone stopwatch to time my "Wow!" and it was 0.8 seconds!!! Then Mr Yoka very funny lor kept saying that it's 8 seconds because stopwatches go by hour, minute, then second. I freaking died. But I didn't do badly la so I'm not complaining or anything heheheheh.

I seriously don't think I will do well for GraCom because my 20% drawing test was a B+. Ok la, shouldn't expect much but I was marked down partially because the pool table I drew didn't have the 6 holes on it. ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

In other news... I have no idea why I'm feeling so tired right now but I'll be blogging more during this 2 week break so yay! I like how December used to be my most post-intensive month but this year it's gonna be pretty dead since I'm tied down by quite a lot of work. ~*FMS student problems*~

I just don't get people who have all the energy to get shit done you know what I'm sayin

"Hey I'm running, and so is my penis"



When it comes to classifying friends, you can say that there are many sub-categories. We have the best friends, the weird friends, the rich friends, the poor friends, and then we have the absolute douchebags who spend most of their time flaunting their shit like they can be the king of the world if they want to.

Now changing the perspective from friends to sports, the douchebag that nobody likes and tries to prove that he/she is capable of everything is the

triathlon.


For years and years I've always been baffled by the idea of a triathlon. Look ma! 3 sports in 1!

If there is a threesome I wouldn't want to jump into, it's this. It's like the worst possible combination - running, swimming AND cycling? I don't think so buddy. I'd go for 3-in-1 coffee and/or 3-in-1 milo. Now that's an ingenious and innovative idea.

I don't get why you have to prove so much to yourself and most likely the world too that you can run 10km, swim across the Pacific ocean and then cycle around the perimeter of Singapore. On the other hand I can't even pass my 2.4km NAPFA run.

But nothing can be more bewildering than the fact that you have to do all this with your tiny little friend, the oh-so-conspicuous dick, out.

I've seen it. WE'VE ALL SEEN IT at some point or another on TV but I just never got around to really think about how disturbing it is until one night when I was on the phone with Sibyl.

I don't care if it helps you swim better or if it prevents you from getting saddle sores or what. The truth of the matter at the end of the day is that WE CAN SEE YOUR DICK! We can see *imagine me gesticulating it* YOUR SHAPE! Nobody is here for that.

"Meh, since I'm gonna flaunt my awesome mad sportz skillz that will give me so many problems when I'm old from all the rigorous training, I may as well flaunt my dick while I'm at it" FAAAAAT DOUUUCHEEEBAAAAG

I'm also not here for all that "you can don't see it" crap. Distractions are still distractions. As much as we don't want to see it, it's like bumping into a friend in public when you don't want to be seen - if it's flopping about trying to say hi, it's hard to avoid it.

Especially when they're running back to the finish line and you can see them happily smiling, arms up high with their ding dongs vacillating from side to side in full glory, covered by nothing but a thin layer of... whatever material their outfit is made of.

At least some have the decency of wearing something black so it's not as prominent, though that's not exactly a place you'd want your clothes to have a slimming effect on.

Let's not forget that moment where they all stand in one row receiving their medals but instead of focusing on this glorious moment you're instead transfixed on their appendages, where you can even see, no shit, the direction they're pointing at.



Case in point. It's exactly like those hotel lobbies with all the clocks set to international times side by side, no? You see the picture 3pm 2pm 2pm 9.15pm 3.30pm they are like SUNDIALS!

On a disturbing sidenote I Googled for that pic at like 1:50AM

Even the women wear sports bras underneath. And at least they look hot in those tight outfits. I wouldn't mind them out but breasts that are also swinging heavily from side to side can also look pretty disturbing (imagine Nicki Minaj), just like when your cocks are busy saying hello to the spectators by the side too. Or even worse -- getting an erection upon looking at the bouncing boobies. Talk about a real oopsie whoopsie! At the very least, do what they always say: put a sock in it!

Do you think triathlons are a pretentious rich people sport too? A bike alone would probably be a few thousand, on top of all the accessories, clothes and shit along with swimming gear, running shoes, gym membership, bla bla bla. Maybe they're trying to compensate for their ineptitude in bed and other things... but now I'm starting to sound like a sad old fat virgin.

CDs of the month! (#33)


(2012.11.08) ayumi hamasaki - LOVE (CD+DVD)

Love is in the air especially for this one hot mess here and her recent announcement that she's dating her back-up dancer everyone thought was gay!

Ayu will celebrating her 15th anniversary next year so what's the lonely party queen gonna do? She will have a release on the 8th of every month which started from November and will last all the way till March 8, which means there'll be five releases in total! So exciting!

And of course it's on the 8th because she debuted on April 8. Crossing my fingers for an Asia Tour next year, especially when Namie already announced that she's coming too!! 2013 is gonna be a great year, and that's if we're not dead by then.

Anyhoo I think this mini-album is damn good although there's only like 3 original songs on it. But ~*labels are labels*~ after all

CD Packaging Pictures| Album Review

I haven't really gotten around to buy any CDs this month and I doubt I'd buy any next month too. J-Pop is surprisingly dead while on the other hand there's so much going on in the US.

Like right now I'm totally digging Alicia Keys' latest album (although it doesn't sound like she evolved much) and Lana Del Rey's Born to Die and Paradise.

I also wanna get Kelly Clarkson's Greatest Hits because I'm such a sucker for generic songs and I love Catch My Breath. I'd also like to thank Rihanna for releasing such a shittily horrible album that it turned me off from ever buying it unless it's on 90% discount. What can I say I have a versatile music taste.

Lana Del Rey's lips are born to die ~*get them away from me*~

It has come to my attention that my skin has been gradually becoming worse and has of late reached a new low, also known as "pretty fucking butt ugly". Being the attractive young male that I am, things are not looking good.

I think no amount of sleep can ever take these eye bags away from me anymore and that's just really sad. Plus my pimples have thrown so many surprise parties to the point where it's not even funny anymore.

BUT ain't nobody got time for that because I have more pressing issues. Such as finding my compass in life that's going to take more than Google Image searching "compass".

I'm hungry.

Your bitch’ll get you cut and touch you crew up too, Pop

I think my life just changed when Sibyl introduced me to this woman who I should've listened to a pretty damn long time ago.

Azealia Banks.







WHEN I HIP-HOP SLANG BANG BANG FOR THE SUMMER
SO THEY NICK-NICK NAME-NAMED ME YOUR MOTHER


SHE IS THE GHETTO-EST BITCH UP IN THIS BITCH I FUCKING LOVE HER TO DEATH!!!!!!!

My life suddenly has meaning again.


Time for Nicki Minaj to retire!

Before I erase this shit off my memory for good

I forgot to mention something damn shitty which happened to me yesterday so here you go! My demise shall be your entertainment.

I decided to go to school earlier yesterday because I wanted to submit my typography assignment, and also because Cheryl and Nicolene had to attend make-up lessons in the morning so I thought I could also hang with them until SocPsy starts at 1.

So when I reached the bus stop at Clementi MRT station, I saw a 154 stop there so I decided to hop onto it! Screw the 184 that's just come and is right behind the bus I was boarding!

The moment I boarded 154, right after I tapped my card, the whole front part of the bus suddenly dropped. Like as if one of the tires just burst. But I thought screw that let him solve his own problems and moved to the back of the bus.

The bus driver went out of the vehicle to inspect and lucky me! No tires were punctured! Probably just some stupid problem that fixed itself. So the bus went off and stopped at the next bus stop.

That was when shit got real. The bus couldn't move forward anymore! JENG JENG JENGGGGG

We were stuck there for 5 minutes and the bus captain even switched off the engine and started it up again, hoping that whatever was broken would fix itself like how you would restart your phone / computer when something cocks up and everything would be fine again. But nooo, life is just so unfair!

Eventually all the passengers had to alight and as consolation we all got a complimentary bus ticket for our ride to school. Yea right.

So we have 5000 students on their way to NP, stuck at the bus stop right after the one at Clementi Station where every bus that comes now would probably be full as fuck.

So the chances of us actually getting onto the next bus was like 5%. Luckily I was with Lyvia so at least there was someone I know to suffer with me MUAHAHAHA

We eventually gave up and decided to just walk back to Clementi station and get a bus from there instead. Urgh! Day ruined already.

THEN while walking back to the station OH LOOKIE! Here's a DOUBLE-DECKERED 154 COMING YOUR WAY. FFFFFUUUUU and we were quite far from the bus stop we left from already!

Then guess what? OH LOOKIE! A 52 THAT IS PRACTICALLY EMPTY PASSED BY ME! Just like that! Wow! And who would have thought? Here comes a 184 too! THE HOLY TRINITY ALL CAME TOGETHER.

Thankfully we managed to stroll close enough to the point where the bus driver of 184 decided to wait for us, and luckily we got seats too so at least that wasn't really bad.

So yea, shittastic bus experience and I was sweating like a biaaaaatch. Plus, when I reached school I found out everyone was at Canteen 4 which is shit far from where I was so I decided not to meet them after all and I was ALL ARONE though luckily I had Syamimi and Lyvia as company.

I was in such a bad mood I almost murdered someone man. Would've easily jumped straight into an intense chanting ritual and broken someone's neck as sacrifice.

ombaleh ombaleh



I survived a busy week this week woohoo

Ok so let's go step by step and let one thing lead to another ;)

The RED Camp took place this past week and it made me so sad because of how I didn't get to be an SL because I either fucked up my interview or I'm just too butt ugly to be one (we know how this shit goes at the end of the day everyone) but it's okay I'll try again next year after I go for my plastic surgery scheduled tomorrow

And on the last day of the camp on Thursday I came to school in the morning together with the RED campers reporting to the convention centre and the SLs were all around school shouting their asses off "GOOD MORNING VIKING! GOOD MORNING APACHE!" and I was just awkwardly walking with Augustine.

I looked in front of me, sea of red campers. I looked behind me, sea of red campers. WTF like for the first time in my entire NP life I feel like I'm not a student in this school man! The SLs also never say good morning to me so rude! Haha

But I did get to be one of the tour guides for the camp to bring the campers around FMS!! It was damn fun to be honest.

I think I've found my calling to really be a tour guide lor. But too bad that of all the four groups that I've brought around FMS over 2 days, only 2 of the campers are interested in coming to FMS (or they're too shy to say) so the groups were pretty dead. Except for one group from Apaches who thought I was really funny so THANK YOU LOVE YOU TOO

I did my tour with Preeti on my second shift which made it easier to introduce ourselves cuz it will be like "Hi my name is Preeti" "and my name is Ugly" HAHAHAHHHAH sad but true

I also took a group where most of them were from Pioneer Sec and I can recognise some of them from my primary school too hahaha. I also saw my lovely JWSS juniors!! I was the guide for Kimberly and Mustaffa's sub-tribe too!

Anyway all in all that was really fun even though some groups were totally uninterested and didn't even laugh at my jokes. I'm very funny what.

"Why is the green screen studio green? Cuz it's not blue la." "Why are there no corners in the green screen studio? So that people inside won't lepak" I dunno about you but I'm loling so hard I'm falling off my chair. See you at Open House!

Because of the RED Camp my ENTIRE Marketing group wasn't around for tutorial because Meifang, Cheryl Chang, Cheryl Koh and Nicolene were all involved.

Which resulted in me being ALLL BYYYY MYSEEELFFFFf for tutorial and while everyone was having active group discussions, I was talking to myself. It was very productive so it's all good

I also got 73% for my first Speech Communication assessment which was an impromptu speech we had to come up in 30 minutes. I guess it's kinda good because I wasn't expecting myself to do fantastically.

I was essentially flipping a library book open with all sorts of landscape photos attempting to make the class be amazed by gasping to myself "WOW! LOOK AT THE SHARP SHADOWS!"

Charmaine also crashed my Japanese class today and it was like the best Japanese class so far this semester man. Also because half of the class was absent today and those absent were coincidentally also the super boring, quiet people. For once today I wasn't the only one repeating after what the teacher says!

Meanwhile for Social Psychology today since we had consults and after that we had nothing to do, Ms Sharon, who brought stale bread, decided to feed the dishes!! So Nicolene, Samantha, Nadiah, Syamimi and I went down to feed the fishes at the pond.

Do you realise how you never see anyone feeding the fishes? Then they eat what? Shit ah?

It was pretty sad to see the fish all competing with one another for bread crumbs. They must be feeling as hungry and bitter as a model. I think I'm going to make an effort to feed the fish in future!

I AM NOW A FISH-FEEDING ACTIVIST! I also think it's a good idea to make fish-feeding a CCA in NP. I'm sure Ms Sharon can pull some strings with SDAR ;)

Speaking of Ms Sharon, because we are such terrorising students, we posted this on her Facebook timeline during class:
Nicolene miss sharon you are so fine
oh my god i wished you were mine

Travis i think it's a sign

Nicolene that you are too kind

Travis would you like some wine

Nicolene you know you blow my mind

Travis and inside my heart you will find

Lyvia lemon and lime!

Nicolene wow this whole thing rhymes
oh look here's a dime

Travis i think i can work as a mime

Lyvia and it won't be wasting your time

Travis best of all i won't get a fine!

Nicolene now, go and eat at pine(s)!!

Lyvia but there is always a long line

Aravin Are you trying to be her valentine?

Nicolene well hands off to all the guys cus she's mine

Aravin You're a smelly porcupine

Nicolene at least i don't look like a vine

Aravin I'm sure you make a good concubine

Nicolene aravin you're stepping out of line

Travis I think you need to go dine

Nicolene you are like the sine to my cosine (CAUSE IM COCO)

Travis and you are the soap to my alkaline

Lyvia brighter than the star you shine

Travis would you like to call my dateline?

Aravin You have a smelly behind

Lyvia better tell me quick cause there's a deadline

Travis but my chair is able to recline

Nicolene i hope you dont decline

Lyvia everything that i've worked for to earn your time

Travis Aravin your ass is as big as singapore's skyline

Aravin Travis, you're just jealous of my perky behind

Lyvia Oh girl if i were an airport you're my airline

Travis I think it's gonna break your spine

Nicolene hottie you are fun like red camp nine

Travis when ms sharon sees this she's gonna whine

Lyvia ooooh you make me go high on cloud nine

Nicolene babe i pray to you like you are a shrine

Travis and i'll tattoo your name on my neckline

Lyvia woah your assets are so define

Nicolene
when you are offline, i will not be online


Lyvia you make me go MEEEOWWWW like a feline

Travis i think if ms sharon ismail sees this we will have to do a speech outline

Lyvia and girl if i were an essay will you be my guideline

Lyvia i hope our fingers would intertwine

Nicolene soon i'll have buttons as eyes like coraline
cause when you're in my sight my eyes won't align

Lyvia i wanna kiss you so please don't decline!

Lyvia whoever thinks you aren't beautiful is a swine

Nicolene whoever thinks you aren't gorgeous is blind

Why do I have a stinking feeling I'm gonna fail this module?

I was filmed for China news but I never saw the clip :( (China Part 2)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Then on the forth day we went to ANOTHER farm but it was a pumpkin farm!

Once again it was a shit long walk and the worst part was that the path there was so damn muddy because it rained the night before. It's like those horrific secondary school adventure camps except the shoes you wear don't cost $10 and you can just throw away guiltlessly afterwards.

The farm was horrendously overrun by weeds so our job was to cut all of them down. Essentially it's a stress relief session because all you do is just hack all around you going "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME FAT" "SAY THAT AGAIN BITCH"



Our HARD, MANUAL LABOUR

But I ended up getting distracted and making magic wands pretending like I'm the asian Harry Potter



The rest started to follow suit and Angus Expelliarmus'd me. Because I take myself so seriously I really threw my wand away and I lost it for good so I had to make another one. So sad



Hi Nicolene

The next day we found out we were going to ride HORSES! So sexciting! Of course we weren't going to ride those gigantic ones with penises like water hoses (those are called scallops right) but the smaller versions that aren't small enough to be a pony.



My horse's name was Wu Zui which sounds like... guiltless in Chinese. And damn right he is because he is RUDE!

He can't stop eating and he doesn't give a damn about who's sitting on his back because when there's grass around, a horse's gotta eat. I even asked the uncle if he didn't eat breakfast and he said they have ALL DAY to eat! No wonder they shit so much!

He's also so stubborn because he refuses to stay on-task no matter how many times I tug onto the rope. I have a new-found respect for those people in movies that are like "JIA! JIA!" and incessantly whip them with the rope harness thing where the horses just obediently listen.

But I really liked riding the horse leh. Because they walk so slowly it's damn comfortable and with such an amazing scenic view it's so therapeutic especially after all the hard work we've been doing.







My parting words to it were "You have a lot of dandruff." in Chinese. I know I'm so sentimental ;_;

The whole course of the programme was to then take a boat ride back to the starting point. But we forgot we're also here to help the community so they totally scrapped the boat ride and instead got us to pick up horse poop for the biogas digester.

It actually didn't stink so bad there because the air was very cold and nice so it didn't really bother me. We even have to make sure the ones we choose are as fresh as possible! That's right people in 2 weeks we have been nurtured into shit experts.

All the while there was this guy who was filming us with this huge camera and apparently we were going to appear on the local news within that county which I don't even know the name of.

Of course being the attention whore that I am I managed to snag myself an interview HAHAHA.They asked me how this whole thing was like and using my B3 standard of Chinese I simply said that "It's a very different experience from Singapore's city lifestyle because you don't get to see horse shit there on a daily basis. You don't even get to see HORSES!" (连马都没有得看!)

After that embarrassing moment I shouldn't have had they reportedly liked my answer. So weird like me



An eel that literally died before my eyes. I didn't even know where it came from, so Alicia and I picked it up and placed it back into a puddle of water hoping it'd revive. No luck. I think I'm about to cry.







Next day we went hiking some random mountain for the whole morningz. I was about to have the most physical action I've had in the entire year, and I was determined to reach the peak! Actually there was another extremely hardcore group but I'm not that batshit crazy

There was also the very lazy group that just ended up picking mushrooms around the first checkpoint which was only a 5 minute walk to get to cheeeeh





Shitting into potholes or whatever you call those



A horse which ran away from me the moment I got close

Anyway I have nothing to type about my entire 2 hour hike because I VLOGGED IT! That's right. I wanted to only film it for Charmaine and Nicolene to see because they went picking mushrooms but halfway through Angus and I realised that this would make a pretty damn good reality TV show.

So may I present to you guys my new reality TV show spanning 1 episode featuring my breakthrough debut role





So that sums it up. Here are some pictures if you didn't watch the entire exciting 20-minute clip:











We actually almost got lost on the way down because we forgot the route we went by HAHAHA. It's all good though we still found our way back.

The hardcore group were seriously damn hardcore because they even walked to areas which Si Nan herself haven't ventured to and they even found a WATERFALL where they had to walk damn carefully because even a slip would send them falling to their deaths!! Walao eh talk about living life on the edge





The lunch prepared for us by the farmers which is like a flatbread with an egg in the middle with tubed luncheon meat. Ended up tasting pretty shit but ok.

The tubed luncheon meat is really nice though! I looooove it. I even bought a few tubes back for Jiarong to try until I found out that they actually have some locally-made ones here in the exact same packaging. Irritating



Lovely talk w Ms Mel about her career while waiting for the hardcore group to come back.



Aww



The dog developed such deep feelings with me that it followed us all the way back to the GEC. No shit. It kind of lost us halfway though (thankfully) but maybe it just wanted to know a way out or something.



How the forest looks like from the big big field

And then after that we went back and left for the city to enjoy the weekends but more on that in a later post because I like to be organised in the strangest ways.

We got back to work on Monday and I remembered (actually I didn't remember it was in my notes) that on the very morning I woke up I injured my ankle on Yong Qi's bloody open luggage and I was bleeding like shit.

I particularly liked (according to the note) how EVERYONE around me was panicking except me who couldn't really care less. Just thought it was something funny to share because usually nobody... cares.. about me

Anyway we finally did something that would leave a mark of our presence in the GEC forever and ever! We paved a road. That's right. We paved a road using little broken rocks from outside the GEC so that they will never have to step on muddy paths from the kitchen to the toilet on rainy days again!



I've never been more proud. The path looks absolutely groundbreaking.

Later that day we also went to some wood-recycling place where they actually gather all the unwanted wood and turn them into useful objects again like furniture and all that.

There are some really boring ones but the most interesting ones would probably be a 4-way see-saw and a set of stairs that have broken porcelain plates cemented into them as decoration. I was mostly fascinated by this wood-carved statue of this woman with really long and pointy breasts at the entrance of the place. Didn't take any pictures because they'll probably bore you to death



I did take this though



Your best friend



Kawaii-ne

The last exciting thing we did that day was also something that I looked forward to the least, which was none other than shovelling up horse shit.

I don't know if I've mentioned it in Part 1 because I can't be bothered to check but I was actually appointed as "Green Champion Leader" before the trip by the lecturers. Sorry, I meant lecturer. I swear Mr Yeo sabo-ed me because I was his class rep for Digital Photography.

I would later find out that the reason behind its name is because 1) Fresh, smoking, hot off the ass horse shit is green 2) champion sounds like "jian bian" ie. pick shit in Chinese. That's smaaarrrt.

ANYWAY my job scope basically revolved around picking up horse shit so that's the long story short, but 1 week into the trip I've done anything but that, so it was time to show everyone how it's DONE.



(Read in dramatic, deep and serious narrative voice for full effect)

The process of picking horse shit for the biogas digester is not an easy task. Every horse shit to be shovelled goes through an intensive selection process, where only the freshest produce is chosen. This is generally identified by their green-ish, soft appearance which may occasionally emit smoke (sign of FRESHNESS).

Upon collecting all visible poop from surrounding areas, the poop goes into the container shown above where they go through a labour-intensive mashing process to pureé the freshly-picked droppings to ensure that it is fit for consumption for the biogas digester. Water should be used sparingly to ease the mashing process.

After that, the shit will be left to "ferment" with a lid on top for up to 3 days before it is fit to be fed into the biogas digester. Mother nature, you're welcome.

Take a look:



Later that night Nicolene also did up a (secret) birthday card by reusing a piece of cardboard (GEC-friendly) for Mr Yeo's birthday which was going to be on the Friday of that week!



You can totally guess which figure is me from the row of people at the bottom

And this is the back side which will have everyone's birthday wishes:



The drawing of Mr Yeo there is a recreation of what I had taken earlier on that day:



I know right

Then the next day, which, if you've either lost track or can't wait for me to shut up, is the 10th day into the trip, I also went to pick shit the first thing in the morning because it was my turn in the duty roster to do it together with Nicolene and Charmaine.



Ooo la la

Thankfully there wasn't even much shit to pick up so you could say we were very lucky.



As you can see Nicolene loikes it

But we were WRONG. Because after we had breakfast, we walked back to the GEC and horrors of horrors- there was horse shit EVERYWHERE.

I was so pekcek! And then Mr Yeo kept calling me to go pick up (jokingly) but I kept avoiding making eye contact with him. Eventually I couldn't take the pressure and went to do it anyway hahahah.

Anyway our activity for the day was to go visit a market nearby so that was pretty boring. We ended up buying snacks and sweets here and there because they were damn cheap.



The pig died a happy pig



I like how they have Wang Leehom on the cardboard boxes in some rural village









Unbelievably blue skies

Anyway I was very touched that day because Nicolene and Charmaine bought this for me for 1 RMB which is SGD 0.20:



Which is totally heterosexual on all levels

Unfortunately it didn't even last for a day because I broke it by accident later that night. But I still keep it because THAT'S HOW MUCH I TREASURE MY GIFTS


And on our FINAL day of exciting activities in the Lashihai Village we were going FISHING! Aren't you excited this post is coming to an end?

Actually we had a choice -- only 6 of us could do the actual fishing on a separate boat whereas the rest would just sit in the bigger boats, enjoy the scenery and let the farmer do all the work. The latter obviously sounded more like my kind of thing.

But you know... I mean... sacrifices have to be made to give other people chances right?? HAHAHA where's my nobel peace prize? Nah I'm just lazy





I know



Some amazing scenery:







The clear water... the clear skies... the serenity....

was mostly disrupted because everyone kept ROCKING THE BOAT and I was freaking out not because I would drown but because I didn't want my phone to drown.

I repeatedly said that I can drown but my phone can't (as you can see I have my priorities perfectly straight) which motivated them to rock the boat even further. TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE

And Nicolene kept picking out sea snails which STINK.



Our fisherman ended up catching like 20 fishes when the DIY boat caught like 3 LOL.



Yes I used Snapseed to enhance this photo and you will deal

After we were done fishing I was totally not done with enjoying the serene scenery (say that 10 times in a row) because 1) they kept SHAKING THE BOAT 2) my life was at risk with Nicolene and her flailing sea snails everywhere

We proceeded to the farmer's house where they cooked the fish and everything for us! They were so nice and hospitable. Except for a certain someone.



A DEMON CHILD who just seems, for lack of better word, possessed and she even spat on I think Lindsay! SO RUDE!

Thank god she didn't touch any of my stuff if not the picture above would be me instead of Nicolene and I will be reaching my arm out to pull her hair and my CCA points for this trip will reduce to 0



Side dishes include this amazing salted bacon thing. It's like the salted duck my grandmother cooks during Chinese New Year but the pork version. So it tastes like hoOoooOOome. It's coated with so much oil, I love it.



The highlight of the day which is the fresh fish!

You know the fish bones are actually shaped like this --> y like it literally looks like a y and I accidentally swallowed one of them and I'm telling you it's TERRIBLE.

It was stuck there for hours and no amount of rice I swallowed could dislodge it. Thankfully it didn't hurt that much but I suffered and *dramatic music* I have the scars to show it lol no I don't

When I went into the kitchen to get more rice to attempt for the 10,000th time to dislodge the bone the fisherman and his wife decided to have a small conversation so I was trying hard to talk as little as I could so I wouldn't have to swallow my saliva. LOL


On that very pathetic note, that was the end of the exciting and stimulating activities that took place within the village of Lashihai and the GEC. Are you sad? (I'm not done talking about China though)



Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6