Let's step into the ~time machine~

And finally...

For the long-awaited O Levels itself...



So just a little backstory here. I woke up after having a horrific dream that I got a B4 for English. Then I woke up and started to think, and realised that I just might get a B4 after all!

I SMS-ed Miss Teo, who prior to that said our class only got 2 A1s for English, although all of us passed.

In the end she just replied, "I can only say that u'd wish u were more cheena", and this scared the shit out of me because this could go either way -- either my Chinese is making my results awful, or my Maths is awful!

I didn't want to scare myself so early in the morning so I just stayed calm anyway. When I went to school, Edrie and I walked past Mrs Mano and we said a very enthusiastic "Hi!" only to be COMPLETELY IGNORED by her. I can't, seriously.

Halfway through eating my nasi goreng I suddenly had random people congratulating me, with the first being Noel. I was still very doubtful about it because they can't provide a credible source when I ask them. "RUMOURS!" I'd yell in my head (I didn't), although I already had my suspicions la hehehe

People have also been saying that it was circulating around that this year's top student was NOT from 4E1 which raised my hopes AND my eyebrows. Once again, no credible source.

So I just relaxed... until I walked past Yi Xin and he immediately exclaimed "EH HE TOP SCORER LEH"


Even when I went to the general office to collect my EAGLES award, Mr Aziz saw me and did the "orh-hor" sign to me.

Afterwards in the hall, while sitting down feeling sick to the stomach, remember how Mrs Chong said if Mr Leong came I wouldn't be the top student? Well, HE DID COME!! (NO SEXUAL CONTEXT PLEASE)

Mrs Chong then went on to say that it was "my retribution" because I made the class do the 69 sign in the class photo, which by the way, MADE IT INTO THE YEARBOOK!!! HAHAHA

Then Mr Gan showed the statistics which weren't very impressive because they were below national average, but I lost it when I saw that Computer Studies had 75% distinctions!!! Which is the 6 of us! We also did better than last year's 4E!

And before I could even get my shit together, Mr Gan immediately switched to the next slide and BAM.

I ALREADY PREPARED MYSELF FOR THIS OKAY I TOLD MYSELF "If my name appears... FASTER TAKE PHOTO!" and I did! After which I immediately went apeshit.

I think it's very ironic how I am right at the top over here, but in the very next slide...

I'm right at the bottom.


The teachers are really good at sporting poker faces because they already knew since 8AM! Ms Ho even told me outside the hall about my long hair, and said that she will trim it if I don't do well. Lol!

Here comes part with many different feelings:

- Douchebaggery -
(don't read if you're all sensitive and shit)


First of all, I am the first 6-pointer in JWSS' 11-year history. Secondly, I'M NOT EVEN FROM 4E1! First time ever a non-E1 student became top scorer! Thirdly, there's no thirdly, I'm just fat.

I also found out there's no wooden leaderboard in the school for top pupils... I is sad. But it's okay, because I am still the school's first 6-pointer!

- Humble -

I, personally, don't think I deserve to be called the top pupil. I KNOW!!! I'm not even trying to be humble here, I'm being very serious, and I have reasons why!

First of all, my subject combination is not taken by many of the elites in Singapore. Therefore, I believe the bellcurves of some subjects were tilted towards my favour.

On the other hand, the other top pupils like Marcus (who, by right, should be the top scorer) (but, by left, turns out to be me) and the other 4E1 pupils, are taking pure sciences! Which is very hard to get a distinction for! So I think their efforts are more commendable.

Plus, I only take 7 subjects, and they take 8.

I was even told that in the staff room when the teachers were discussing who the top scorer would be, everybody just said Marcus, or Ella, or Zhi Yang, except only Mr Leong who said me! Even Miss Teo didn't say my name! Miss Teo I am disappoint.

So do I think I am smart? No, I still think I am a retard.

- Emotional -

Honestly speaking I never thought I would have become the top scorer, let alone make school history! I've NEVER gotten an A1 for English, I swear. Even when I'm estimating my aggregate in my head, I always put English as an A2 at best.

Oh, and Philana is the second A1 from the class. What an American.

And holy shit, A1 for Combined Science, NEVER IN MY LIFE MAN!

Also, I have to say my Combined Humanities' A1 also came as a huge shock. To be very honest, I wrote some bullshit in my SS paper as well.

For example, in the pictorial source with the many different families, asking us to compare with another source, this is the rough idea of what I wrote:

"In [text source], it states that "something about families having only 2 children," however, in [pictorial source], a family is seen with 3 children, not 2!"

I'M SERIOUS HAHAHA. The pictorial source isn't even like, real pictures of people but just drawings. See? Full of shit. But any juniors seeing this please don't bullshit and play a fool in exams! It was a last resort!

- Angry -

When I got back my results, for some weird reason, everybody automatically assumed that I'm going to JC. Guess what?


And when I tell them I'm going to Poly, the most common phrase that comes afterwards is "Fuck you." WALAO EH!!!

In a more reasonable point of view, let me express my reasons.

1. I did not take any Pure Sciences, therefore the foundation is not there. I don't like the idea of having to struggle in JC because there's no time for shit like that.

2. My Chinese is like shit. That B3 is a total combo breaker.

3. I already mug like shit for O Levels, you want me to do that for another 2 years? I DON'T THINK SO


In a more "unreasonable" manner,

Why the hell are you even not happy that I'm going to Poly? My mind, since Day 1, has already been set on Poly. So what if I did better than I expected? Does that mean I should give it up to be somewhere I never want myself to be in? I don't think so, buddy.

What if I struggle in JC and end up getting kanasai results for A Levels? CANNOT EVEN GET INTO UNI, MUST SETTLE FOR A LEVEL CERT. I don't want to take any chances please. Time is money!

I even told Mrs Chong in an act-atas manner: "In this ~*dog-eat-dog world*~, it is ~*every man for himself*~"


Speaking of which... now I have a HUUUUGE dilemma. Because I never expected myself to get an aggregate so low, I've never considered International Business as a choice.

But I have already more or less decided that I want to get into Mass Communications since my interest lies more in there, although I might put IB as one of my first few choices. I'll post my 12 choices soon. Raffles JC will be my 12th choice. *insert trollface here*

Now everybody scold me for not going JC, when Chinese New Year comes get another round again.

We had a group shot of the top scorers with the principals (Omg I feel like a star!!!) and I got a solo shot, which I think is going to appear on the school website. Bleh. It was only one shot, and I didn't even get to see if it was good or not! So don't go and see ah.

Here are also pictures Mdm Lock asked me to take of her Combined Science A1 students!

(Gerald, Mdm Lock, me and Kar Qi)

The only difference between both pictures is Gerald's shirt.

I'm also scared for the Speech Day valedictorian speech! I was not ready for this! I CANNOT make a boring speech, because I have sat through two of those, and I can't do it, so we'll see how it goes. At most I'll follow Alex from Modern Family: "Don't stop believing and let's get this party started!"

Anyway, I'd like to thank everyone for their congratulations, but I'd also like to congratulate Marcus, Christel, Ella, Si Yuan and Zhi Yang for being the top scorers in the school! Don't forget to congratulate them because they deserve it! And a very big fuck you to those who don't want me to go to poly!

I also want to thank all my teachers especially Miss Teo for your efforts as well as words of encouragement. (eg. "Pride comes before a fall" "YOU BETTER BE THE TOP SCORER AH")

Most importantly, I hope all students who just got their results reading this are satisfied with their results and are able to get into a course that they like. Even if you don't get your desired results, I think everybody should simply move on. When life throws lemons at you, squeeze them into your vodka.

And if any juniors are seeing this, ESPECIALLY THOSE FROM 3E2/4E2, IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE!!!

I don't care if you don't see me as a role model but just know that it IS possible to reach the top without being from the best class. Of course just because you're not from E2 doesn't mean you shouldn't work hard la, who knows you could be the next non-E1/non-E2 to be the top scorer!

Can't wait for the speech day buffet man! See, I was so determined to get the speech day buffet, and I be GETTING IT.

p/s. My face appeared twice in the yearbook. Let's play hide and seek.

p/p/s. To Mrs Mano: you ignored the top scorer today. 


  1. OMG , Congrats! I totally relate to the getting high marks but not going JC part. I got 13 and everyone expected me to go back but I've gone to ITE. HAHA

    P/s Mrs Mano is a bish ask me not to come back. -___-" Thank god don't have to see anymore.

  2. Anonymous3:02 PM

    Wow, so pro! But u mugged for o levels. I regretted i didnt, i got l1r5 only 10, my punishment is that i will mug for another 2 years in jc :(. Worst is that im from triple science class but got only 1 distinction for science. Wth lol...

    1. Dude... how is 10 for L1R5 a bad thing? You can go anywhere you want with that score what...?