USA 2011 Part 5.0 -- A hot day spent Washing Lamingtons in DC (Get it?)

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You know what they say... the bigger, the better, and I'm not even talking about boobs. Instead I will start off this post by showing you a picture of a huge-assed pao!


As the American kids were still having school I was finally left with some peace and quiet. Talk about a real holiday where you finally get to purely relax and enjoy... NOPE!

They decided to take a short train ride down to Washington DC. Not that I'm complaining though...

Oh yea, and also on weekdays when the adults are working, auntie May has a little part-time job where she actually takes care of the infants around the neighbourhood for them!

They were obviously scared of me, and auntie May on this day brought the kids she were babysitting along for the car ride. There were two - one African-American named Naomi and one Indian one named... er, Wanka. (insert inappropriate masturbation joke) Actually I don't even know how to spell her name but she is like incredibly scared of me. This is why I can never have kids, everybody.

I took pictures of them but I don't think I should just upload them here since their parents knew nothing about it. I'm so politically correct, ur hur hur, like anybody would happen to come onto this site and decide to kidnap some American kids. But still

Anyway what I wanted to say was (yes, I've yet to even reach my main point) that I never saw Naomi smile or anything until I opened my iPhone's camera app and switched to the front camera. She loves her own reflection!

She'd look shocked and literally GASP every time I switch back to the back camera then to the front.

To illustrate, there was a lot of this going on: :| :O :D :| :O :D :| :O :D Cute or what?

And what do you mean I shouldn't teach young kids how to camwhore? This skill takes years of cultivation ok. She can thank the weird random China stranger when she grows up.

Our arrival at the Union Station! I have to say the interior looks pretty guud. They even have places where people will polish your shoes for you!! The seats are elevated high up so you can even act all king and shit. POLISH IT GOOD YOU PEASANT

The exterior with a disgruntled-looking mother of Eva at the corner. Couldn't blame her for it, because we realised that the weather in DC was very unlike the weather back in Maryland, and we were feeling hot like shit.

I was wearing like 3 layers top 2 layers bottom, and even after removing my jacket would leave me with 2. Damn, at least now I know Uniqlo's Heattech clothing works well.

Here are some obligatory touristy shots:

Ding dong bell dunno for what

The US Capitol building which we walked for like, 10 minutes to get to. It's okay, have to do some exercise after eating all the fatty American food after all. I burnt like 50 calories.

At the OTHER side of the US Capitol building


May I also say that the place is TEEMING with SQUIRRELS? AHHHHHHHH I think the fields full of squirrels alone can be tourist attractions. Look!

This one approached me because Eva's mum gave me the remnants of her totally Singaporean bun (those that come in packs of 6 stuck together I KNOW RIGHT) and there it is holding it

and then it decided to run away

Why am I so embarrassing

After much walking around, because there are like so many museums there we decided to take a tour around... all of them. Well, we thought we'd have enough time to tour all of them but we didn't think one museum would take us like 1 hour each cuz they are all so HUGE!

Our first museum was some artsy fartsy museum which is the Smithsonian American Art Museum, featuring like paintings and... stuff. Not my cup of tea to be honest, but my favourite part of this museum was where they displayed all the statues of naked people. Does not showing appreciation for these make me uncultured? Hey at least I appreciate naked people

Angsty man

Yea and that's it I decided to only show you all 2 pictures because I didn't want to bore you so much. Next!

The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History!!! So exciting! This was also where they filmed Night at the Museum right? ~*Ignorant fuck*~

Oh wow I'm so excited

Check out the disturbing zebras

har har har I look so cock here

Old Chang Kee

You know how squids have that plastic-like cartilage inside them that you remove before cooking? I think the giant squids' are like an entire plastic chair or something.

I still find it funny how they are sooo biiiig but have such pathetic, puny-looking tentacles that even Old Chang Kee wouldn't want.

Dinosaur desu

Oh god not Chemistry formulae



This was actually some holographic 3D thing that you can't tell from here which is supposed to fuck your eyes out. They're the atoms of Sodium Chloride magnified 92589543 times!

You... you buy her diamonds...

Bright... sparkling diamonds...
But believe me... dear when I say...
That she can give you the world BUT SHE'LL NEVER LOVE YOU THE WAAAAAAAY I LOOOOVE YOUUUUUUUUU sorry I got carried away

I don't know, a diamond is a diamond imo

They also had this special limited-time only exhibition with everything about races, racism etc. of us humans. So interesting right?

Bam! Though this is quite stupid since you can easily adjust skin tones and let's not even go down to camera settings.

Sian ji pua

People of mixed races writing messages or something like that. My favourite one was this:

Anyway, we also learnt that all of us actually came from Africa! Which means we were all poor once! Ok sorry for the distasteful joke that came from Jiarong ~*pushing blames like a pro*~

On a random side note, this disturbingly looks a lot like Smosh's Ian's mum.


By the way I am so Asian that the first thing I thought upon seeing this was gui ling gao.

Ooo mummies. Also, it looks like even vanity goes all the way back:

Nothing says trendy like the ability to constantly change hairstyles in a hot desert


Also, apparently back in ancient Egypt they actually worshipped bulls! The entire community would even go into mourning when a bull died. Can you imagine their reaction if they watch that episode of Fear Factor where they had to eat bull testicles?


We decided to head for lunch after that which sadly ended our museum-touring. We didn't even know if there was anything nice around and happened to enter this building which turned out to be the Kennedy building. We even had to go through a security check just like in the airports, don't know what for. We're just here to eat dammit.

My buuuurrrger which tasted quite nice. I asked for Sprite for my drink but they didn't have it. The woman at the counter suggested Sierra Mist instead which is also colourless and gassy so why not. Both drinks taste almost the same, though I still think Sprite is better.

After our lunch we started walking to the White House, intending to go for the tour. Some random pictures I took along the way:

Tada! Unfortunately, it was too late and the White House was closed already. It closes at 4PM apparently and we reached there at around 4:15PM.

It's alright since I wasn't really interested in touring the president's house in the first place. Why go for something that will only make you wallow in self-pity later? RIGHT?

Our next stop was to visit my brother Lincoln at the Lincoln Memorial! By then the weather was already much cooler and so much more pleasant. So nice that it made me wanna go jogging. Hahaha who am I kidding I'm never going to jog

Taken from the World War II memorial somewhere. I didn't want to do it but the other tourists were doing it too so I gave in to temptation HAHAHAH and Eva was so pekcek because she kept telling me to move to my right move to my left

And we're here!!! Sian, gotta climb stairs again

Don't we look alike?

I am so self-absorbed

And by the time we were done with our tour for the day the sun had already set!

So in conclusion for our day in Washington DC, first of all, I actually SWEATED for the first time since I came to the US. Secondly, I was very impressed with myself for walking such long distances! Yea, that was pretty much it. Oh, and check out my impersonation of Lady Diana, and no I did not get into a car accident (whoopsie)


We actually contemplated going back to the train station by foot but we decided to screw that and hail a cab anyway. The cab driver was from Somalia! Very friendly guy, just like most people in America of course.

To end off, here's a picture of a crazy girl

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