"Hey I'm running, and so is my penis"



When it comes to classifying friends, you can say that there are many sub-categories. We have the best friends, the weird friends, the rich friends, the poor friends, and then we have the absolute douchebags who spend most of their time flaunting their shit like they can be the king of the world if they want to.

Now changing the perspective from friends to sports, the douchebag that nobody likes and tries to prove that he/she is capable of everything is the

triathlon.


For years and years I've always been baffled by the idea of a triathlon. Look ma! 3 sports in 1!

If there is a threesome I wouldn't want to jump into, it's this. It's like the worst possible combination - running, swimming AND cycling? I don't think so buddy. I'd go for 3-in-1 coffee and/or 3-in-1 milo. Now that's an ingenious and innovative idea.

I don't get why you have to prove so much to yourself and most likely the world too that you can run 10km, swim across the Pacific ocean and then cycle around the perimeter of Singapore. On the other hand I can't even pass my 2.4km NAPFA run.

But nothing can be more bewildering than the fact that you have to do all this with your tiny little friend, the oh-so-conspicuous dick, out.

I've seen it. WE'VE ALL SEEN IT at some point or another on TV but I just never got around to really think about how disturbing it is until one night when I was on the phone with Sibyl.

I don't care if it helps you swim better or if it prevents you from getting saddle sores or what. The truth of the matter at the end of the day is that WE CAN SEE YOUR DICK! We can see *imagine me gesticulating it* YOUR SHAPE! Nobody is here for that.

"Meh, since I'm gonna flaunt my awesome mad sportz skillz that will give me so many problems when I'm old from all the rigorous training, I may as well flaunt my dick while I'm at it" FAAAAAT DOUUUCHEEEBAAAAG

I'm also not here for all that "you can don't see it" crap. Distractions are still distractions. As much as we don't want to see it, it's like bumping into a friend in public when you don't want to be seen - if it's flopping about trying to say hi, it's hard to avoid it.

Especially when they're running back to the finish line and you can see them happily smiling, arms up high with their ding dongs vacillating from side to side in full glory, covered by nothing but a thin layer of... whatever material their outfit is made of.

At least some have the decency of wearing something black so it's not as prominent, though that's not exactly a place you'd want your clothes to have a slimming effect on.

Let's not forget that moment where they all stand in one row receiving their medals but instead of focusing on this glorious moment you're instead transfixed on their appendages, where you can even see, no shit, the direction they're pointing at.



Case in point. It's exactly like those hotel lobbies with all the clocks set to international times side by side, no? You see the picture 3pm 2pm 2pm 9.15pm 3.30pm they are like SUNDIALS!

On a disturbing sidenote I Googled for that pic at like 1:50AM

Even the women wear sports bras underneath. And at least they look hot in those tight outfits. I wouldn't mind them out but breasts that are also swinging heavily from side to side can also look pretty disturbing (imagine Nicki Minaj), just like when your cocks are busy saying hello to the spectators by the side too. Or even worse -- getting an erection upon looking at the bouncing boobies. Talk about a real oopsie whoopsie! At the very least, do what they always say: put a sock in it!

Do you think triathlons are a pretentious rich people sport too? A bike alone would probably be a few thousand, on top of all the accessories, clothes and shit along with swimming gear, running shoes, gym membership, bla bla bla. Maybe they're trying to compensate for their ineptitude in bed and other things... but now I'm starting to sound like a sad old fat virgin.

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