Cheebye uncle

I am utterly pissed with myself because when I should be getting wet dreams, I'm not. So here's another irritating dream I had.

So I had a dream where I was at this place selling jackfruit candy -- like really chewy, tasty ones. They were DAMN GOOD! So I wanted to buy some from the store assistant who was this 60+ year old uncle looking very sloppy and all. Like one of those Singaporean uncles.

Then he asked me to put my money into 2 glass jars. So I don't know why but I felt DAMN compelled to put all of the money I had with me to fill those 2 glass jars. I didn't even know how much the jackfruit candy cost. So I just kept filling my money in.

Then after that I was damn dulan. I was like CAN I GET MY DAMN CANDY ALREADY but actually I was more pissed because I obviously just got cheated of my money.

Then I asked him why he took so much of my money and he said "ma piao lor" (Lottery lor) and I was like HUH

He says it's some kind of lottery to the gods to guarantee me protection or something. What the fuck right? And then suddenly there was thunder and lightning outside and he said that I'll be EVEN MORE protected and EVEN MORE LUCKY because he told me all that right before it rained.

At that point of time all I really wanted was my money back and not some godly protection or striking the lottery (he didn't even give me a ticket it's like those scam emails) and I was ready to leave all pissed and all.

Then I walked out and before I left he asked "Do you know what will happen if I give you back your money?" then I just turned around sharply and sarcastically said "Oh I will DIE is it" followed by an eye roll. HE SAID YES AND GAVE A SINISTER SMILE WA FUCKING CHEEBYE

So I left being damn angry. No 4D ticket, no jackfruit candy, MY MONEY GONE. Then I woke up. you say pissed off or not?

But on a more serious tone because I take my dreams so seriously ur hur hur MAYBE IT'S A SIGN RIGHT? Like in the past I'd dream of a location and IT CAN TAKE YEARS but I will end up going to that exact location and I will remember from the dream!! It's different from a deja vu cuz I can actually remember it's from a dream!


Aiya anyway, for someone as narcissistic as me, I've come to realise that I've been very... boring lately. So that means I've been SHIT BORING.

Like I don't really have any interesting to say. Not online, not to anyone I've been with lately. I feel so, for lack of better word, retarded and I hate it.

Maybe it's because I haven't touched books in MONTHS so I'll probably get back to reading again before I become staler than a pile of week-old horse shit and my brain starts eating its own grey matter out of boredom. It's so hard to find out which books are good!

USA 2011 Part 10.0 -- The People

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Being brought up in Singapore's society brought about a major culture shock to me when I came to the US. Over here in Singapore, being sociable and friendly to strangers = being weird and creepy.

Whereas in America, everybody is so nice, I have to ADAPT to being so nice. Whatever's considered socially creepy in Singapore is the norm here in the US. Everybody is friends with one another!

I literally saw this black woman walking and then suddenly saying hi to another black woman walking the other direction going all "Hey sista how you doin'!" Maybe that's why they get laid so easily

Being Asian, it was also the first time for me to experience being a minority and in all honesty I do feel a bit of unease even though people generally don't mind us.

Oh wait, in fact, people are pretty racist here in the US. I remember Auntie May telling me when we went to Costco in Baltimore that the white housewives would only shop for their groceries on a certain day on a certain time of the day because that's when the Asians don't shop for theirs. I know right?

I was also at New York where there would be people giving out invitations to some comedy club and at one point this black guy saw me and immediately did this kungfu stance while yelling "HAIYA!" so loudly it actually scared the shit out of me. I didn't mind at all though! In fact I found it funny. But fuck him anyway.

Other than that, I like that the people are just so effusive and lack inhibition. They let their opinions known y'all.

I once entered a store and this woman liked something so she immediately exclaimed to the shop assistant "I LOVE THIS"! Now that's the kind of people I love interacting with! I made a simple eye contact with someone sitting down eating a cup of noodles and he was like "What's up brutha!" hahaha

I don't mean to say that Singaporeans suck a lot la! I'm proud to be from Singapore and all, but I do share a greater simpatico with Americans because of how I was brought up and also in a way it has taught me to be more vocal about my opinions (as if I'm not already) and never be afraid of talking to strangers. I've come to realise that the more you avoid a conversation, the more awkward shit becomes!

So I thought it'd be a great way to end off the USA post series saying how much I love the people there. If there's any reason why I'd want to live there it's for the friends I'll be able to make. The people here, female AND male, are all so bloody sexy that they all turn me on all the way up. Or maybe I'm just extremely horny.

Of course the time I had there isn't representative of how everyone is like there la because I haven't been to the ghetto but still. I think that all is well as long as you don't piss someone off.

I hope you guys enjoyed reading this shitlong post series because I put SO MUCH EFFORT INTO THIS lolol. I thought this would take 1 year to complete but thank god that was not the case.

I really hope I get to visit the states again because it's a really great place, and everyone should visit it at least once. It's a very eye-opening, butt-aching, penis-erecting experience. There, I said it.

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USA 2011 Part 9.0 -- The Shopping

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Other than the food here, if anything else is cheap, it's the shopping! Being the typical Asian I actually bought most of my stuff from the discount rack but hey, some of them were actually good finds.




I bought these 2 ridiculously unnecessary but cute hats at I think USD10 each. Not that cheap but I thought they were quite cute leh so I bought them lor.



Also bought both of Adele's albums while I was at a CD store somewhere. Adele's 21 was everywhere!



Bought these 2 T-Shirts that were on discount at Hot Topic. Only USD5 each!



Some other random nonsense I bought from Hot Topic.



Bought these 2 DVDs while I was at Walmart. Date Night was on sale for only USD10!! And I thought Singapore would sell the Harry Potter DVD for a higher price so I bought it while I was there.



A pathetic pin from Hot Topic and Aldo slippers I bought during the Black Friday sales. Hot Topic's system for the Black Friday sales is that they pass each customer one scratch card and when you scratch it it tells you how much discount you'll get!! Unfortunately mine only warranted a 5% discount. Meh.

I was also at Aldo and at first I thought the slippers would be USD20 as stated on its price tag so I was like ok since my current slippers doesn't have the friction at the bottom anymore. Then at the counter when I was about to pay it turns out that it's on 50% discount so it ended up being USD10!!!



This little Calvin Klein bag which I bought also on the day of the Black Friday sales at the factory outlets. It was damn cheap like less than SGD30 because it was also on 50% discount.



T-Shirts I bought at GAP



I was at the Dollar Store and I went crazy there buying so many unnecessary sweets. There are some that have yet to be opened until now... apparently my sweet tooth lasted only during the 3 weeks I was there.



I was listening to Talk That Talk on YouTube when it was uploaded and decided to buy it because I liked it. I also bought Mary J Blige's album cuz I really liked the lead single!



This pair of Aldo shoes which I bought at some random shopping mall. Its original price is around USD80 but it was discounted TWICE (I forgot why) so it ended up being only USD35. Woah woah woah!



Fake glasses from Chinatown in New York for about USD3 each.



Clothes from Forever 21 at a slightly cheaper price than Singapore sells it. Neither cheap nor expensive.



Hilarious magnets I got from some street stall at the Central Park.



Other stuff I bought from a music store!! I was looking for Florence + the Machine's Lungs deluxe edition for the LONGEST time ever and tada! Funny how the 2 DVDs above were only released recently at that time but already on sale.



And lastly some useless Harry Potter badges

I also bought much more stuff but I got too lazy to really take pictures but it's just a lot of touristy stuff.

One thing I hate about shopping there is the amount of coins you get though.

First of all, my small IQ makes me unable to distinguish between coins.

I need a freaking number like "20 cents" or something on it, not things like "penny" "dime" "quarter" because I will first struggle to read the fine print, then try to process how much it is.

It's all too much work! I ended up bringing home USD4.39 worth of coins. I know right.

You know what else I also brought back? 20kg worth of extra load. No fucking shit. I came to the USA with less than 20kg in my luggage and after three weeks I came back with 2 luggages each weighing 20kg. Ridiculous! But I loike.


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USA 2011 Part 8.0 -- The food

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After the 3 weeks I think it's safe to call the USA the land of the extremes when it comes to food.

In Singapore, while we always like to use a lot of oil and very little vegetables, one thing we can all agree on is that we always need a little more money. Slicing your shrimp into half -- double your shrimp, double your money!

Whereas here it's the total opposite. THEY JUST WHACK EVERYTHING IN. It's always either very sweet or very salty or whatnot.

Maybe it's just the palettes of us Asians who have to get accustomed to their food culture, because they are so notoriously infamous for serving up HUUUGE portions of food. We're already too full to finish our entrée, yet they still ask us if we want dessert!

Their cartoned apple juice is also sweet till the high heavens. I had to dilute half a glass with water!

Nonetheless, the food here in the States is undeniably delicious, though it's not something I'd like to eat all-year round. Unless I have a really good metabolism, and we all know that ain't gonna happen.

When it comes to fast food I've talked about the McDonald's here where everything except the apple pies are the same.

But I also got to try Burger King and I was really surprised that their burgers were reaaallly small. Auntie May was surfing the website and every burger averaged about 600 calories but those things are tiny which made things all the more scary!

They were also really cheap. You can get a full meal for less than USD6 and they even have burgers priced at only USD1. Funny how comparing a Whopper Jr. to a normal Whopper, it's like the exact same size. Like whut.

So in comparison to Singapore, I think our burgers are definitely way bigger than theirs, maybe even 2 times bigger!

I tried their Double Stacker and the bacon actually tastes like bak kwa LOL. It was only USD2! Though I can probably just buy a single stacker at USD1 and a whopper at also USD1 and I'll get 2 extra buns. JUST SAYING

I also finally got a taste of Sprite and it actually tastes really bad over there, and Eva's mum explained something about how it's obligatory for them to use corn sugar as part of their battle in reducing obesity rates (totally helping).

Speaking of obesity, guess how much weight I gained after the 3 weeks in fatty land?

3kg.

Not bad, I must say! I thought I'd gain like 5.


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USA 2011 Part 7.0 -- Final Moments (no I'm not gonna die)

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In the last remaining days of our stay in the US, and since Christmas was coming, we decided to take a walk around auntie May's neighbourhood in the middle of one night (and I didn't even get kidnapped) to look at some of the decorations her neighbours did!









I loike! I think the most you'd ever see decorations from us Singaporeans is hanging the flag from our balconies during the National Day period.



This is me giving the I-am-so-cold expression.

As if I didn't gain enough weight for the past 2+ weeks, we had McDonald's for one of our last lunches!



Their apple pie looks totally different from what we have here where it's more... baked-like? I don't know how to describe it, but it has a thicker, more solid crust whereas the ones we have here are crispier and flakier. I personally prefer the ones we have here at home.



Something different that I also tried here was their Angus beef burger! Not very different from their quarter pounders, just that the beef is slightly thicker and juicier. Lavvit. Hi Angus if you're reading this

We also tried one of the more... domestic fast foods called "Five Guys" which I've never heard of before but...







IT LOOKS AND TASTES SO GOOD. Their patties, unlike the other fast food chains, are handmade so I guess it contributes to much of its juiciness and... taste. Do people with sweaty palms make better patties? The imperfect look of the burger just makes it look all the more homemade and appetising in my opinion.

Anyway nothing much really happened for the rest of the remaining days to be honest and I was missing home too much to really want to do anything else. I know right? I'm such a pussy.

All we did was to pack our stuff and watch TV here and there. You should have seen their basement floor where one entire section is totally covered by all of my purchases, some of which I kinda regret buying now but YOLO.

What's more depressing is that the flight back would take another 20 hours, and I was all prepared to confuse my body once again because according to the flight itinerary we were even going to have dinner TWICE.



I also don't know what it is about aeroplane toilet mirrors because they somehow make me appear like a complete utter mess. Oh wait... but seriously. I literally become disgusted with myself.



To add on to my disgustingness, my breakfast at the Maryland airport was a Sausage, Egg and Cheese Maple Baked Frescruit from Wendy's. Tasted pretty shit though.

Though we were unlucky to not see snow while we were in the USA, we finally got to see some when we landed at Minneapolis to transit to another flight:



Hahahhahahah pathetic





Oooo you can see me there but that's not the point

And before I knew it, I was back in Singapore!!! Felt that bittersweet feeling again of wanting to stay in the USA and coming home to Singapore. Oh well, hopefully I'll get to go back there in a few years' time! Maybe if NP has a few extra thousand to give me an overseas internship in Year 3 or overseas university scholarship AHEM AHEM AHEM (I wish)

Anyway this is not the end of the USA 2011 series because I will be doing some other... reflection posts...ish... stuff. Because this is my blog and you will like the way I do things around here muahahahahaha


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I did not come back with an accent + First Semester results!!!

Hello!!! I am finally back from China and all is well, all is well. I had a great time shitting into holes and drinking potentially tainted milk.

While I'll probably take another 10 years before I blog about the China trip, I was having so much fun there (ur hur hur) that I actually forgot that my results for the first semester were released on the 14th so when I woke up that day and saw the others checking their results I was like OMGOMGOMG

In all honesty I was hoping for like, 3.7? 3.8? Somewhere there because I screwed up my MedSoc paper, my photography sucks, and I have an IQ of 10.

But when the page opened on Jeremy's MacBook Air it was exactly like when I got a better-than-expected B3 for my Mother Tongue O Levels where I looked at Mr Zubir and said "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME"



(AD - A w/ Distinction | PX - Pass for ungraded module)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I was damn happy!! I also forgot to check what I got for my Japanese 101 module so I checked just now and I got an AD for that too! I feel sooo harpieee except for that stupid IDEA JUMPSTART.

Apparently Mr Yeo also said that I topped my semester so I'll appear on the Director's List. I don't know what that signifies but ok I'll take that. HEHE but that would mean that our cohort will no longer have 4.0 GPA-ers unlike the Year 2s who have Joshua!! So that's pretty sad

But I really feel that people who didn't do as well for this semester shouldn't feel sad because there are 5 more semesters to go and the seniors once told me that most of the students will generally get a decent GPA above 3.5 at the end of the 3 years so leave tomorrow's worries to tomorrow!

I also heard that the next semester will be very competitive because of this so I wouldn't mind if I end up getting ~*dethroned*~ by next year since I can't be bothered to compete.

Anyway to prove you all wrong that I am not lazy I will start drafting up my China trip posts now! Hahah who am I kidding. It'll probably be a 3-4 part series or less though!

USA 2011 Part 6.0 -- Travis Chan takes New York (Kourtney and Kim who?)

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As our trip to the States is nearing an end how can I NOT visit New York City right?! *annoying bimbo accent* Like, totes!

You know how in that song Empire State of Mind, Alicia Keys be all like "THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO"?

Well, if there is anything that I can't do, it's getting anything for free!




This picture with Dora? Cost me $0.50. In New York, it's some sort of unwritten rule to give everybody tips, even for a simple picture like this!

Not that I'm very ungenerous or being like your stereotypically thrifty Asian but it just kinda surprised me. Not sure about the other places but from what I observed they only tip at restaurants! I'm sure Dora got a shock too because I kinda popped up behind her "HI CAN I GET A PICTURE?"





Train pix


When I first arrived in New York, and finally breathed in some New York air, ho ly shit.

Everywhere is practically super crowded and the roads are so extremely congested. Think Orchard Road on Sunday, but without the Filipinos and a crowd 10 times worse. Yep. The good thing, though, is that despite everyone telling me how dirty New York is, it actually isn't that bad.




Oh wait.







Your best friend



I forgot the name of the hotel we were actually staying at, but all I know is that it's located near Times Square and it's actually pretty shit. I can't really judge since it's my first time staying at a New York hotel but Eva's mum who has been here many times said that this was actually one of the better hotels! The TV doesn't even work!

The other hotels probably don't even have toilets or something. The sad thing is that even the shittiest hotels in NY are quite pricey.



Even the taxis have working TVs at the back of the front seats. They are also really squeezy at the back.


After putting down our baggage in our hotel rooms we decided to just generally walk around and stuff. We went to this restaurant called Ellen's Stardust which my mother highly recommended them via email because their waiting staff don't just serve, they also sing!

Apparently whatever tips that you give them contribute to the funding which provides the staff with singing and dancing lessons, and that they're just waiting to be discovered by the big guys. One of them was even a performer for The Lion King musical in 2007!



My blurry picture of grilled salmon with roasted potatoes and spinach which was guuuuuud (I accidentally wrote roasted spinach and potatoes lulz). Not to mention there was a bar there so *AHEM*. Our waiter was so fun too. He's this fat gay guy who sang Adele's Set Fire To The Rain!



After that we went shopping around the 5th avenue where they have all the big brands like Forever 21, Uniqlo, A&F etc. Once again, crowded as hell. Eva's mum even went into A&F where they took a polaroid of her with the hot model at the entrance haha! She was literally going like "WOW WOW WOW WOW" thank goodness her husband wasn't there





I saw this in Sex and the City! Now all we need is a horse in front of it.





I like that the stores have too much bloody space that they can produce such elaborate displays at the front. Maybe that's why the streets are always so crowded because onlookers clog the shit outta them









Legoooo check out the creepy lady in the glass reflection

We also went to see the Christmas tree at the Rockerfella plaza and this is me looking very cock:







Some cool shit going on on the building





We walked by Times Square on the way back to the hotel for the night and I was in absolute AWE. Just look at this:



Like Natalie Tran said, this is probably where light bulbs go to die.

In addition to the many firsts I've had in New York (including my first sex no I'm just kidding I'm gonna die a virgin) I've also had my first ever FORTUNE COOKIE!



Of course, we had dinner at a Chinese restaurant. Tastes like hooooome. We were even conversing in Cantonese and the level of Asian-ness was just too damn high there.

After excitedly losing my fortune cookie virginity, I guess sometimes in life, you'll get disappointments like these:




REALLY? NICE DAY TO YOU TOO


---


The next morning I could have actually gone on a hop-on hop-off bus tour to visit New York's attractions like The Statue of Liberty, The Empire State Building and all that but I decided to just ditch that because first of all it starts waaay early in the morning at 8am, and secondly I wanted to go shopping instead so yipee.

We went to a nearby McDonald's for breakfast in the morning and I tried a Peppermint Mocha there and it's naiiise.

After that we took the subway to Chinatown for shopping and lunch!



My Metro card





The Subway isn't as bad as some people put it to be, what with "it's like you shaking a can of coke" or something to that effect. It's like the normal MRTs here, but more dark and gloomy-looking which makes me very depressed.

Speaking of depression, even though I've never been to China myself, it sure looks a hell lot like how I would envision it to be.




Totally dirt-free.





I just never understood why every Chinatown in the world has to look like... well, that. Is China really that bad? Ok, maybe it is, but I'll see for myself when I go there in September. I don't think it's portraying a good impression though! Let's face it, even Singapore's Chinatown looks like shit.

Nonetheless, we went to this dimsum restaurant and the food was reaaaally good so that's one thing I cannot complain about. We then shopped around for cheap stuff here and there for the afternoon and they also bought stuff from the supermarket there.

It was FREEZING cold that day so I was dying while waiting for the adults to be done. The small kids even had ice-cream like they don't feel a thing in this retarded weather

After that we took the subway back where we went for a relaxing walk along the skreets before auntie May and Co. head back to the hotel room (I think the kids were tired) while Eva, her mum and I go to Central Park.



Asians walking on the skreets



It's so ghetto around here that even police cars have to be stationed at weddings. And yes I don't need no permission to take pictures of other people cuz that's how ghetto I am





I'm so fascinated by how nice their buildings are. If I were to play those build your own city games this is something close to how I would make them. Except I'd attach unnecessary genitalia onto every one of them.







Is this where Carrie Bradshaw lived cuz I don't see no stables



Cuuuute! The dog too #Bam

After a reaaaaallly looooooooong walk where we almost gave up and decided that we really lost our way, we have arrived atttt



The Central Paaaaaarrrrkkkk





BAM hello



This dog wins the noisiest dog award because if you've heard the way my neighbour's dogs bark the moment they hear my footsteps, this dog does it 10 times worse.





Very pretty lor I can stay here all day



The zoo which we didn't bother to buy tickets to get in to so we enjoy the parts that we see for free



I don't even know what to caption this

After that I don't remember what happened but I think we took a Subway back to Times Square and literally sat there for 20 minutes looking at birds because our feet were really tired (somehow I have a vague memory of us walking back there by foot actually but idk)



It's also because we were going to embark on another walkathon to the Macy's building which was... not really near from where we were, and that's because they had this huuuuge sale going on so why the hell not?



Can you believe this is a departmental store? CAN YOU

But that's the only picture I took of Macy's because it was SO crowded I'm not even joking. I might have lost my virginity in there. I ended up not really buying anything but I think Eva's mum bought some limited edition Michael Kors thing.



Another shot of Times Square





oooOOOoooOOOoooo





This really kewl Forever 21 billboard that had a live camera on it!! If you go apeshit the most the camera will even zoom in to you and attract all the unnecessary attention that you need!

Needless to say, the people with me went absolutely crazy (I mean come on, one of them is the manager of SG's F21 after all) and the camera zoomed in to us like 3 times!!! You'd think once was enough!

I wanted to play my I-don't-know-these-people card but I realised we're the only Asians there so talk about an oopsie whoopsie. Bonus points if you can spot me in the picture above hur hur.

Of course, being in New York, it is a total must to risk getting diarrhea and try one of the 9000 hot dog stalls around!



Other than the fact that there's way too much ketchup for my liking, I loooove it. Too bad the sausage was like really thin... kinda like yours!! (love you)



To end off the night, you know, despite the hotel being shitty and all, at least they put in the effort to create a Christmas-y atmosphere for us. A for effort.

We also had a little talk with the staff at the reception area and we had a very exciting conversation talking to them about Singapore's strict laws.

The one that really got them was the part when we said that the punishment for possessing drugs is death. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE PRICELESS LOOK OF A COMBINATION OF AWE, SHOCK AND HORROR on the woman and when the man beside her even went to nudge her elbow after that I was like EH HEH HEH HEH crackwhore

Unfortunately that was the end of our lovely adventure to New York and the next day we took a train back to Baltimore.






As a whole, New York is just like Singapore -- multiracial. Except the former is way dirtier, way more populated, but let's be real, the people there are way more friendlier too! My kind of people!

The trip to New York was generally a really fruitful one! I liked the adventurousness that we had because we risked getting lost just to get to places by foot.

We didn't want to take public transport because we wanted to simply look and observe the surroundings and immerse ourselves in the lovely chilly weather. Although our feet were pretty much dead I don't regret it at all. I sound like one of those travel people from Lonely Planet.

I also take back what I said about New York being not as dirty. It turns out that the dirt people talk about is something... slightly more invisible -- the air.

By the end of the first day my nails were REALLY DIRTY. I'm talking about loads of black shit under your nails within a timespan of a few hours. Even my nose was producing more pi sai than usual, and the icing to the cake (mmmm, how appetising) was how even the pi sai itself looked dirtier.

The greatest takeaway for me from New York was not looking at the beautiful attractions, the food, the people, the shopping -- none of that. Instead, it was none other than the fact that I managed to get a glimpse of the infamous Mr. Death, the Grim Reaper himself:







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