Lana Del Rey's lips are born to die ~*get them away from me*~

It has come to my attention that my skin has been gradually becoming worse and has of late reached a new low, also known as "pretty fucking butt ugly". Being the attractive young male that I am, things are not looking good.

I think no amount of sleep can ever take these eye bags away from me anymore and that's just really sad. Plus my pimples have thrown so many surprise parties to the point where it's not even funny anymore.

BUT ain't nobody got time for that because I have more pressing issues. Such as finding my compass in life that's going to take more than Google Image searching "compass".

I'm hungry.

Your bitch’ll get you cut and touch you crew up too, Pop

I think my life just changed when Sibyl introduced me to this woman who I should've listened to a pretty damn long time ago.

Azealia Banks.







WHEN I HIP-HOP SLANG BANG BANG FOR THE SUMMER
SO THEY NICK-NICK NAME-NAMED ME YOUR MOTHER


SHE IS THE GHETTO-EST BITCH UP IN THIS BITCH I FUCKING LOVE HER TO DEATH!!!!!!!

My life suddenly has meaning again.


Time for Nicki Minaj to retire!

Before I erase this shit off my memory for good

I forgot to mention something damn shitty which happened to me yesterday so here you go! My demise shall be your entertainment.

I decided to go to school earlier yesterday because I wanted to submit my typography assignment, and also because Cheryl and Nicolene had to attend make-up lessons in the morning so I thought I could also hang with them until SocPsy starts at 1.

So when I reached the bus stop at Clementi MRT station, I saw a 154 stop there so I decided to hop onto it! Screw the 184 that's just come and is right behind the bus I was boarding!

The moment I boarded 154, right after I tapped my card, the whole front part of the bus suddenly dropped. Like as if one of the tires just burst. But I thought screw that let him solve his own problems and moved to the back of the bus.

The bus driver went out of the vehicle to inspect and lucky me! No tires were punctured! Probably just some stupid problem that fixed itself. So the bus went off and stopped at the next bus stop.

That was when shit got real. The bus couldn't move forward anymore! JENG JENG JENGGGGG

We were stuck there for 5 minutes and the bus captain even switched off the engine and started it up again, hoping that whatever was broken would fix itself like how you would restart your phone / computer when something cocks up and everything would be fine again. But nooo, life is just so unfair!

Eventually all the passengers had to alight and as consolation we all got a complimentary bus ticket for our ride to school. Yea right.

So we have 5000 students on their way to NP, stuck at the bus stop right after the one at Clementi Station where every bus that comes now would probably be full as fuck.

So the chances of us actually getting onto the next bus was like 5%. Luckily I was with Lyvia so at least there was someone I know to suffer with me MUAHAHAHA

We eventually gave up and decided to just walk back to Clementi station and get a bus from there instead. Urgh! Day ruined already.

THEN while walking back to the station OH LOOKIE! Here's a DOUBLE-DECKERED 154 COMING YOUR WAY. FFFFFUUUUU and we were quite far from the bus stop we left from already!

Then guess what? OH LOOKIE! A 52 THAT IS PRACTICALLY EMPTY PASSED BY ME! Just like that! Wow! And who would have thought? Here comes a 184 too! THE HOLY TRINITY ALL CAME TOGETHER.

Thankfully we managed to stroll close enough to the point where the bus driver of 184 decided to wait for us, and luckily we got seats too so at least that wasn't really bad.

So yea, shittastic bus experience and I was sweating like a biaaaaatch. Plus, when I reached school I found out everyone was at Canteen 4 which is shit far from where I was so I decided not to meet them after all and I was ALL ARONE though luckily I had Syamimi and Lyvia as company.

I was in such a bad mood I almost murdered someone man. Would've easily jumped straight into an intense chanting ritual and broken someone's neck as sacrifice.

ombaleh ombaleh



I survived a busy week this week woohoo

Ok so let's go step by step and let one thing lead to another ;)

The RED Camp took place this past week and it made me so sad because of how I didn't get to be an SL because I either fucked up my interview or I'm just too butt ugly to be one (we know how this shit goes at the end of the day everyone) but it's okay I'll try again next year after I go for my plastic surgery scheduled tomorrow

And on the last day of the camp on Thursday I came to school in the morning together with the RED campers reporting to the convention centre and the SLs were all around school shouting their asses off "GOOD MORNING VIKING! GOOD MORNING APACHE!" and I was just awkwardly walking with Augustine.

I looked in front of me, sea of red campers. I looked behind me, sea of red campers. WTF like for the first time in my entire NP life I feel like I'm not a student in this school man! The SLs also never say good morning to me so rude! Haha

But I did get to be one of the tour guides for the camp to bring the campers around FMS!! It was damn fun to be honest.

I think I've found my calling to really be a tour guide lor. But too bad that of all the four groups that I've brought around FMS over 2 days, only 2 of the campers are interested in coming to FMS (or they're too shy to say) so the groups were pretty dead. Except for one group from Apaches who thought I was really funny so THANK YOU LOVE YOU TOO

I did my tour with Preeti on my second shift which made it easier to introduce ourselves cuz it will be like "Hi my name is Preeti" "and my name is Ugly" HAHAHAHHHAH sad but true

I also took a group where most of them were from Pioneer Sec and I can recognise some of them from my primary school too hahaha. I also saw my lovely JWSS juniors!! I was the guide for Kimberly and Mustaffa's sub-tribe too!

Anyway all in all that was really fun even though some groups were totally uninterested and didn't even laugh at my jokes. I'm very funny what.

"Why is the green screen studio green? Cuz it's not blue la." "Why are there no corners in the green screen studio? So that people inside won't lepak" I dunno about you but I'm loling so hard I'm falling off my chair. See you at Open House!

Because of the RED Camp my ENTIRE Marketing group wasn't around for tutorial because Meifang, Cheryl Chang, Cheryl Koh and Nicolene were all involved.

Which resulted in me being ALLL BYYYY MYSEEELFFFFf for tutorial and while everyone was having active group discussions, I was talking to myself. It was very productive so it's all good

I also got 73% for my first Speech Communication assessment which was an impromptu speech we had to come up in 30 minutes. I guess it's kinda good because I wasn't expecting myself to do fantastically.

I was essentially flipping a library book open with all sorts of landscape photos attempting to make the class be amazed by gasping to myself "WOW! LOOK AT THE SHARP SHADOWS!"

Charmaine also crashed my Japanese class today and it was like the best Japanese class so far this semester man. Also because half of the class was absent today and those absent were coincidentally also the super boring, quiet people. For once today I wasn't the only one repeating after what the teacher says!

Meanwhile for Social Psychology today since we had consults and after that we had nothing to do, Ms Sharon, who brought stale bread, decided to feed the dishes!! So Nicolene, Samantha, Nadiah, Syamimi and I went down to feed the fishes at the pond.

Do you realise how you never see anyone feeding the fishes? Then they eat what? Shit ah?

It was pretty sad to see the fish all competing with one another for bread crumbs. They must be feeling as hungry and bitter as a model. I think I'm going to make an effort to feed the fish in future!

I AM NOW A FISH-FEEDING ACTIVIST! I also think it's a good idea to make fish-feeding a CCA in NP. I'm sure Ms Sharon can pull some strings with SDAR ;)

Speaking of Ms Sharon, because we are such terrorising students, we posted this on her Facebook timeline during class:
Nicolene miss sharon you are so fine
oh my god i wished you were mine

Travis i think it's a sign

Nicolene that you are too kind

Travis would you like some wine

Nicolene you know you blow my mind

Travis and inside my heart you will find

Lyvia lemon and lime!

Nicolene wow this whole thing rhymes
oh look here's a dime

Travis i think i can work as a mime

Lyvia and it won't be wasting your time

Travis best of all i won't get a fine!

Nicolene now, go and eat at pine(s)!!

Lyvia but there is always a long line

Aravin Are you trying to be her valentine?

Nicolene well hands off to all the guys cus she's mine

Aravin You're a smelly porcupine

Nicolene at least i don't look like a vine

Aravin I'm sure you make a good concubine

Nicolene aravin you're stepping out of line

Travis I think you need to go dine

Nicolene you are like the sine to my cosine (CAUSE IM COCO)

Travis and you are the soap to my alkaline

Lyvia brighter than the star you shine

Travis would you like to call my dateline?

Aravin You have a smelly behind

Lyvia better tell me quick cause there's a deadline

Travis but my chair is able to recline

Nicolene i hope you dont decline

Lyvia everything that i've worked for to earn your time

Travis Aravin your ass is as big as singapore's skyline

Aravin Travis, you're just jealous of my perky behind

Lyvia Oh girl if i were an airport you're my airline

Travis I think it's gonna break your spine

Nicolene hottie you are fun like red camp nine

Travis when ms sharon sees this she's gonna whine

Lyvia ooooh you make me go high on cloud nine

Nicolene babe i pray to you like you are a shrine

Travis and i'll tattoo your name on my neckline

Lyvia woah your assets are so define

Nicolene
when you are offline, i will not be online


Lyvia you make me go MEEEOWWWW like a feline

Travis i think if ms sharon ismail sees this we will have to do a speech outline

Lyvia and girl if i were an essay will you be my guideline

Lyvia i hope our fingers would intertwine

Nicolene soon i'll have buttons as eyes like coraline
cause when you're in my sight my eyes won't align

Lyvia i wanna kiss you so please don't decline!

Lyvia whoever thinks you aren't beautiful is a swine

Nicolene whoever thinks you aren't gorgeous is blind

Why do I have a stinking feeling I'm gonna fail this module?

I was filmed for China news but I never saw the clip :( (China Part 2)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

Then on the forth day we went to ANOTHER farm but it was a pumpkin farm!

Once again it was a shit long walk and the worst part was that the path there was so damn muddy because it rained the night before. It's like those horrific secondary school adventure camps except the shoes you wear don't cost $10 and you can just throw away guiltlessly afterwards.

The farm was horrendously overrun by weeds so our job was to cut all of them down. Essentially it's a stress relief session because all you do is just hack all around you going "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME FAT" "SAY THAT AGAIN BITCH"



Our HARD, MANUAL LABOUR

But I ended up getting distracted and making magic wands pretending like I'm the asian Harry Potter



The rest started to follow suit and Angus Expelliarmus'd me. Because I take myself so seriously I really threw my wand away and I lost it for good so I had to make another one. So sad



Hi Nicolene

The next day we found out we were going to ride HORSES! So sexciting! Of course we weren't going to ride those gigantic ones with penises like water hoses (those are called scallops right) but the smaller versions that aren't small enough to be a pony.



My horse's name was Wu Zui which sounds like... guiltless in Chinese. And damn right he is because he is RUDE!

He can't stop eating and he doesn't give a damn about who's sitting on his back because when there's grass around, a horse's gotta eat. I even asked the uncle if he didn't eat breakfast and he said they have ALL DAY to eat! No wonder they shit so much!

He's also so stubborn because he refuses to stay on-task no matter how many times I tug onto the rope. I have a new-found respect for those people in movies that are like "JIA! JIA!" and incessantly whip them with the rope harness thing where the horses just obediently listen.

But I really liked riding the horse leh. Because they walk so slowly it's damn comfortable and with such an amazing scenic view it's so therapeutic especially after all the hard work we've been doing.







My parting words to it were "You have a lot of dandruff." in Chinese. I know I'm so sentimental ;_;

The whole course of the programme was to then take a boat ride back to the starting point. But we forgot we're also here to help the community so they totally scrapped the boat ride and instead got us to pick up horse poop for the biogas digester.

It actually didn't stink so bad there because the air was very cold and nice so it didn't really bother me. We even have to make sure the ones we choose are as fresh as possible! That's right people in 2 weeks we have been nurtured into shit experts.

All the while there was this guy who was filming us with this huge camera and apparently we were going to appear on the local news within that county which I don't even know the name of.

Of course being the attention whore that I am I managed to snag myself an interview HAHAHA.They asked me how this whole thing was like and using my B3 standard of Chinese I simply said that "It's a very different experience from Singapore's city lifestyle because you don't get to see horse shit there on a daily basis. You don't even get to see HORSES!" (连马都没有得看!)

After that embarrassing moment I shouldn't have had they reportedly liked my answer. So weird like me



An eel that literally died before my eyes. I didn't even know where it came from, so Alicia and I picked it up and placed it back into a puddle of water hoping it'd revive. No luck. I think I'm about to cry.







Next day we went hiking some random mountain for the whole morningz. I was about to have the most physical action I've had in the entire year, and I was determined to reach the peak! Actually there was another extremely hardcore group but I'm not that batshit crazy

There was also the very lazy group that just ended up picking mushrooms around the first checkpoint which was only a 5 minute walk to get to cheeeeh





Shitting into potholes or whatever you call those



A horse which ran away from me the moment I got close

Anyway I have nothing to type about my entire 2 hour hike because I VLOGGED IT! That's right. I wanted to only film it for Charmaine and Nicolene to see because they went picking mushrooms but halfway through Angus and I realised that this would make a pretty damn good reality TV show.

So may I present to you guys my new reality TV show spanning 1 episode featuring my breakthrough debut role





So that sums it up. Here are some pictures if you didn't watch the entire exciting 20-minute clip:











We actually almost got lost on the way down because we forgot the route we went by HAHAHA. It's all good though we still found our way back.

The hardcore group were seriously damn hardcore because they even walked to areas which Si Nan herself haven't ventured to and they even found a WATERFALL where they had to walk damn carefully because even a slip would send them falling to their deaths!! Walao eh talk about living life on the edge





The lunch prepared for us by the farmers which is like a flatbread with an egg in the middle with tubed luncheon meat. Ended up tasting pretty shit but ok.

The tubed luncheon meat is really nice though! I looooove it. I even bought a few tubes back for Jiarong to try until I found out that they actually have some locally-made ones here in the exact same packaging. Irritating



Lovely talk w Ms Mel about her career while waiting for the hardcore group to come back.



Aww



The dog developed such deep feelings with me that it followed us all the way back to the GEC. No shit. It kind of lost us halfway though (thankfully) but maybe it just wanted to know a way out or something.



How the forest looks like from the big big field

And then after that we went back and left for the city to enjoy the weekends but more on that in a later post because I like to be organised in the strangest ways.

We got back to work on Monday and I remembered (actually I didn't remember it was in my notes) that on the very morning I woke up I injured my ankle on Yong Qi's bloody open luggage and I was bleeding like shit.

I particularly liked (according to the note) how EVERYONE around me was panicking except me who couldn't really care less. Just thought it was something funny to share because usually nobody... cares.. about me

Anyway we finally did something that would leave a mark of our presence in the GEC forever and ever! We paved a road. That's right. We paved a road using little broken rocks from outside the GEC so that they will never have to step on muddy paths from the kitchen to the toilet on rainy days again!



I've never been more proud. The path looks absolutely groundbreaking.

Later that day we also went to some wood-recycling place where they actually gather all the unwanted wood and turn them into useful objects again like furniture and all that.

There are some really boring ones but the most interesting ones would probably be a 4-way see-saw and a set of stairs that have broken porcelain plates cemented into them as decoration. I was mostly fascinated by this wood-carved statue of this woman with really long and pointy breasts at the entrance of the place. Didn't take any pictures because they'll probably bore you to death



I did take this though



Your best friend



Kawaii-ne

The last exciting thing we did that day was also something that I looked forward to the least, which was none other than shovelling up horse shit.

I don't know if I've mentioned it in Part 1 because I can't be bothered to check but I was actually appointed as "Green Champion Leader" before the trip by the lecturers. Sorry, I meant lecturer. I swear Mr Yeo sabo-ed me because I was his class rep for Digital Photography.

I would later find out that the reason behind its name is because 1) Fresh, smoking, hot off the ass horse shit is green 2) champion sounds like "jian bian" ie. pick shit in Chinese. That's smaaarrrt.

ANYWAY my job scope basically revolved around picking up horse shit so that's the long story short, but 1 week into the trip I've done anything but that, so it was time to show everyone how it's DONE.



(Read in dramatic, deep and serious narrative voice for full effect)

The process of picking horse shit for the biogas digester is not an easy task. Every horse shit to be shovelled goes through an intensive selection process, where only the freshest produce is chosen. This is generally identified by their green-ish, soft appearance which may occasionally emit smoke (sign of FRESHNESS).

Upon collecting all visible poop from surrounding areas, the poop goes into the container shown above where they go through a labour-intensive mashing process to pureé the freshly-picked droppings to ensure that it is fit for consumption for the biogas digester. Water should be used sparingly to ease the mashing process.

After that, the shit will be left to "ferment" with a lid on top for up to 3 days before it is fit to be fed into the biogas digester. Mother nature, you're welcome.

Take a look:



Later that night Nicolene also did up a (secret) birthday card by reusing a piece of cardboard (GEC-friendly) for Mr Yeo's birthday which was going to be on the Friday of that week!



You can totally guess which figure is me from the row of people at the bottom

And this is the back side which will have everyone's birthday wishes:



The drawing of Mr Yeo there is a recreation of what I had taken earlier on that day:



I know right

Then the next day, which, if you've either lost track or can't wait for me to shut up, is the 10th day into the trip, I also went to pick shit the first thing in the morning because it was my turn in the duty roster to do it together with Nicolene and Charmaine.



Ooo la la

Thankfully there wasn't even much shit to pick up so you could say we were very lucky.



As you can see Nicolene loikes it

But we were WRONG. Because after we had breakfast, we walked back to the GEC and horrors of horrors- there was horse shit EVERYWHERE.

I was so pekcek! And then Mr Yeo kept calling me to go pick up (jokingly) but I kept avoiding making eye contact with him. Eventually I couldn't take the pressure and went to do it anyway hahahah.

Anyway our activity for the day was to go visit a market nearby so that was pretty boring. We ended up buying snacks and sweets here and there because they were damn cheap.



The pig died a happy pig



I like how they have Wang Leehom on the cardboard boxes in some rural village









Unbelievably blue skies

Anyway I was very touched that day because Nicolene and Charmaine bought this for me for 1 RMB which is SGD 0.20:



Which is totally heterosexual on all levels

Unfortunately it didn't even last for a day because I broke it by accident later that night. But I still keep it because THAT'S HOW MUCH I TREASURE MY GIFTS


And on our FINAL day of exciting activities in the Lashihai Village we were going FISHING! Aren't you excited this post is coming to an end?

Actually we had a choice -- only 6 of us could do the actual fishing on a separate boat whereas the rest would just sit in the bigger boats, enjoy the scenery and let the farmer do all the work. The latter obviously sounded more like my kind of thing.

But you know... I mean... sacrifices have to be made to give other people chances right?? HAHAHA where's my nobel peace prize? Nah I'm just lazy





I know



Some amazing scenery:







The clear water... the clear skies... the serenity....

was mostly disrupted because everyone kept ROCKING THE BOAT and I was freaking out not because I would drown but because I didn't want my phone to drown.

I repeatedly said that I can drown but my phone can't (as you can see I have my priorities perfectly straight) which motivated them to rock the boat even further. TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE

And Nicolene kept picking out sea snails which STINK.



Our fisherman ended up catching like 20 fishes when the DIY boat caught like 3 LOL.



Yes I used Snapseed to enhance this photo and you will deal

After we were done fishing I was totally not done with enjoying the serene scenery (say that 10 times in a row) because 1) they kept SHAKING THE BOAT 2) my life was at risk with Nicolene and her flailing sea snails everywhere

We proceeded to the farmer's house where they cooked the fish and everything for us! They were so nice and hospitable. Except for a certain someone.



A DEMON CHILD who just seems, for lack of better word, possessed and she even spat on I think Lindsay! SO RUDE!

Thank god she didn't touch any of my stuff if not the picture above would be me instead of Nicolene and I will be reaching my arm out to pull her hair and my CCA points for this trip will reduce to 0



Side dishes include this amazing salted bacon thing. It's like the salted duck my grandmother cooks during Chinese New Year but the pork version. So it tastes like hoOoooOOome. It's coated with so much oil, I love it.



The highlight of the day which is the fresh fish!

You know the fish bones are actually shaped like this --> y like it literally looks like a y and I accidentally swallowed one of them and I'm telling you it's TERRIBLE.

It was stuck there for hours and no amount of rice I swallowed could dislodge it. Thankfully it didn't hurt that much but I suffered and *dramatic music* I have the scars to show it lol no I don't

When I went into the kitchen to get more rice to attempt for the 10,000th time to dislodge the bone the fisherman and his wife decided to have a small conversation so I was trying hard to talk as little as I could so I wouldn't have to swallow my saliva. LOL


On that very pathetic note, that was the end of the exciting and stimulating activities that took place within the village of Lashihai and the GEC. Are you sad? (I'm not done talking about China though)



Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6