"Travis why are you being such a birthday bitch?"

I used to think I was very lucky to be born in January because it's usually the month where school would have just started which equals to minimal workload which equals to MOAR TIME FOR ME ME MEM EMEM ME

Unfortunately all good things come to an end just like my social life because January is probably the busiest period for us poly kids.

Which leads me to my next point which is: I think I am a very caring and considerate friend! Because I told everyone that I understand how busy they must be with their schoolwork so it's okay to not celebrate my birthday or anything this year. After all it's not like I throw big parties or organise huge mass orgies for special occasions.

(And by the way I am not being condescending ah! The people around me have brought to my attention that I am very guai lan and I still fail to see why)

So anyway on the 17th, Edrie asked me if he and Shiela can come over to my house on the night of the 18th so they can celebrate my birthday, but I replied with a "I dunno leh. I have a feeling my poly friends are planning something but I really dunno."

I'm not being demanding cuz we've kinda been doing that for everyone else's birthday the past year. They even created a WhatsApp group to discuss (as with everyone's in the past la) so I thought there'd be something! They kept telling me "actually we don't even talk there" "until now we haven't even plan anything" but I always thought they were just lying to me and shit.

Alas, I didn't want to take a chance, so I turned to Nicolene who was seated beside me and broke the question: "Are you all doing anything on Friday midnight?" and then she just replied with a "LOL NO" SADNASFKNDSMF

But my body was half-ready for that response so I didn't collapse right away so I just replied Edrie "Ok they just told me they not doing anything so you all can come!!". To which he decided to reply that I am a "Hahaha loner"

ANYWAY

On the 18th I had lunch at Strictly Pancakes with Angus, Charmaine, Jeremy and Nicolene to celebrate my birthday in advance. Actually they just wanted to have lunch la but since my birthday was the next day, you know, it's so convenient to label it that way HAHAHA

Before that Nicolene decided to buy me a ~*birthday durian crepe*~ for $3.90 which is reportedly the most she's ever spent individually for someone's birthday so thank you Nicolene you're such a nice friend





But eh it's DAMN GOOD! It was my first time there and I had a horrific experience from going to Nooks once so I didn't think any place else could top McDonald's hotcakes. As you can see I need to get out more, but holy shitballs their food is good even though I couldn't finish it lol

And I was SO SAD because everyone at that table was IGNORING ME but I can't blame them cuz they were discussing about their assignment and shit lol

The best part was when I had to leave to go to school for my Japanese writing test and when I reached a traffic light it started to suddenly RAIN REALLY HEAVILY and the pedestrian traffic light had only just turned red so I had to run all the way to the MRT station!! Which was just across the road la, but embarrassment is embarrassment regardless of shape and size ok

When I reached school Milo passed me this painting that I actually thought he and Lynette painted but turns out is they go to those vendors outside to paint HAHAHA



I'm just extremely puzzled WHY they decided to use green paint for my face I know my nose is as big as the hulk's body la but still

Then when I was having my Japanese class I realised the earbud for one of the sides of my earpiece fell out! I was damn depressed and I was like "WORST BIRTHDAY EVE EVER" and because of the delusional being that I always am, I retraced my steps after class and I found it on the floor at the FMS courtyard


~*Best birthday eve ever*~
(ended up losing the whole damn thing so I just bought a new pair yesterday)


Then later that night Edrie and Shiela came over to my place and we had sex.

Before they came I was craving for chwee kueh so I kept whatsapp-ing them to buy for me chwee kueh from Koufu (because they live so near it) and also because I knew they confirm didn't buy me shit for my birthday so this was the least they could do! They couldn't be bothered and came empty-handed.

THEN some time after they came they couldn't hold it in anymore and told me that they bought me something. I WAS SO HAPPY I was like YES I KNEW THEY BOUGHT ME CHWEE KUEH!!!!

And then Shiela took this out.



I dunno which is worse - that it's not chwee kueh or that they specially cut out 2 obituaries to stick onto the front dunno for what reason *ahem*



And at first they told me to guess what was inside so I was like "pillow la!" then they were like "AIYA SHIT HOW HE KNOW"

As the truth would unravel itself,



What the bloody fuck.

And then I just got fed up so I ripped everything apart





After sweating like a bitch just trying to unwrap everything, they got me lubricant, a pair of boxers (that says "OPEN ALL NIGHT" behind), and 3 cards, all of which have nothing on them that is not sexual in any sense. Sometimes I think I should migrate to a far away land and start anew with new friends.



By the way yes we played with the lubricant and that shit SMELLS GOOD! Not only does it smell good, it TASTES good! Only for the first few licks though. After that it gets too overpowering. Sigh why am I even telling you all this

So after that because I was STARVING and because I was 18 so I could do whatever the fuck I wanted I forced the two of them at gunpoint to bring me to buy chwee kueh. As luck would have it, the stall ran out. So we settled for McDonald's.

THEN all this while Nicolene was WhatsApping me asking me where I am because "she's at Boon Lay MRT". I knew obviously they would be too darn lazy to come all the way to the west so I said "lol try harder next time bitch I'm at McDonald's"

Then she kept saying shit like "YES WE'RE HERE OK I ASK UR SISTER OPEN THE DOOR AH?"  and bla bla bla and I told her to give evidence that she's at Jurong Point so she sent a google-d picture of Jurong Point taken in broad daylight and said "dunno why the sky so bright here"

She also sent a picture of herself taken in her own house, saying that she took it in my house.

The final messages were her saying "k I sleep while waiting for you k" and "I borrow your pants wear ah" (I knew she wasn't there so I just said ok)

So obviously I couldn't give two shits and continued eating twister fries and later on a vanilla cone (stop judging me it's my birthday) and then we had sex at some void deck nearby. Just as we were about to leave, it started to RAIN HEAVILY! And there's no sheltered route home! Sian ji pua! Ended up having to run to flag a taxi home and even then the short distance costed me $5 because of the midnight charge :(

When I opened my door the first thing I saw was a pair of Doc Marts boots like Charmaine's and I was like holy shit they're really here.

AND TADA



BLOODY BITCHES!!!! 

ANGUS STILL CAN WHATSAPP SAY "I STAY UNTIL 12AM TO WISH U EH I GO SLEEP ALREADY GOODNIGHT"!!!!!!

Sigh, my friends are also scheming bitches. And Nicolene did indeed take one of my boxers to wear.

But they bought me pandan cake as my birthday cake so it's all good :D I feel so looOOooOOooved at times like this



Among other things are leftover instant food from their houses. Thoughtful.



And stickers of ME! ~*Narcissistic*~ Hahah the one on the left is made by Nicolene and the other is mine that I asked her to print when she goes there cuz I lazy lulzxszxszxz



bitches broke into my house and hacked my macbook

So we all just hung around and ended up watching The Shining before going to bed.



Not only did Nicolene sleep like a pig she also farted like a pig ALL OVER MY SHEETS

Then although I'd like to sleep in on my birthday nooOOooOOoo I had to go for birthday lunch with Christel, Casey, Desmond, Adeline, Kimberly and Eva!! I was craving for chilli crab pasta so I told them to go to Swensens lulz.



(Eva not there yet)



The gifts they bought for me. So sweet, innocent, pure, etc. etc. I even mistook the condoms as pizza initially. Guys I'm not as twisted as you'd think

And I was already satisfied that it was just going to be a simple birthday lunch just as I intended! I even told them that I don't want them to sing birthday song or even buy me a cake.

And then this happened



They suddenly walked out with a birthday cake and I was like OH SHIT OH SHIT and to salvage the situation I repeatedly demanded "NO BIRTHDAY SONG! NO BIRTHDAY SONG!" AND THEY STILL SANG IT FFFUUUU SO RUDE TO UR ELDERS!! I had to tell everyone around us that it's not my birthday HAHAHAHA but I appreciate their effort love u guyzzsxszxsz



le cake



and a personalised message from each person. Amazing

Then the day ended with dinner with the kampong at Chomp Chomp hehehe I've never felt so looOOoOoOOooved

I'm very bad at thank you messages but BEAR WITH ME OK I love all of you and thank you guys for everything that you all have done not just for this birthday but as a friend to me ♥

Especially to Edrie and Shiela for always coming over to "countdown" with me (actually didn't la but still) as well as Angus, Charmaine, Coco and Kin Leonn for taking the last train all the way from your houses to the west to surprise me I couldn't have asked for more ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ best birthday evaaaaaaa


Going back to the harsh reality, I did not manage to secure an internship :'( I'm gonna be like those fine examples that people like to use and say shit like "Oh look he has a good GPA but can't get internship for shit" aiya fuck u all (need some sadness to balance out the happiness)

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