See Hedhe Eye An Aye (China Part 6 - GRAND FINALE!!!)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

I don't remember ever posting about this and I don't know where else to post this at but something really shitty happened on the day we went fishing!

Later that evening we actually got to visit Lijiang Old Town and eat dinner over there. I got this bowl of beef noodles which was lovely. That's not the shitty part though. The shitty part was that when I wanted to take a picture of it from the top, MY PHONE FELL HEADFIRST INTO THE BOWL OF NOODLES!!!

My phone was literally sticking up from the bowl and all we could do was stare in shock! What the fuck!!!

And then they all STARTED LAUGHING!!!! You know why? Because earlier that day on the fishing boat everyone kept rocking the boat and I panicked because I had my phone with me and if the boat capsizes my phone will be GONE! So I kept emphasising that I didn't want my phone to get wet and that I'd rather drown than get my phone wet (In hindsight, I have no idea why I valued my phone so much then). Fast forward a few hours later my phone really gets wet - in a bowl of beef noodles - caused by MYSELF! ARGH!!!

But the phone was still functioning well la. Although I'm pretty sure my warranty is considered void already. LMAO

Anyway the next day we got to go to the TIGER LEAPING GORGE! I've always heard about gorges in geography class but finally I'm gonna experience it hohohoho. It must be GORGEOUS



No we're not there yet



Creepy tourist shot 1



Yours



Angus' ratchet ass boobs



Cigars which are NOT MINE (just saying in case my father sees this) (RT if you get the joke) (except you can't RT here) (fuck)

And here we are at ze ~*gorge*~





Apparently because this place is supposedly ~*all natural*~ or something there is like a constant erosion of rocks and shit so they'd have rocks rolling down from the top regularly. In other words we could have died at any point during the time we were there



This is me making a fool of myself and trying to get shit down

Here are a few more creepy tourist shots for you to enjoy



Creepy tourist shot 2



Creepy tourist shot 3



EXTREMELY creepy tourist shot 4



Could this be what they call... a SPIT? ~*Geography realness*~



Could this be what they call... a DELTA? ~*Geography realness*~



Watergasm



Check this shit out



Some hardcore shit happening right here



One side of the water is crystal clear and the other side is like longkang. HOW DOES IT BECOME LIKE THAT? ~*Black magic*~



God bless my soul for being so embarrassing



The waves are so strong that you can feel little water droplets hitting your face! Rude ass water. And so dirty some more. But it was quite hilarious cuz there was this innocent tourist just enjoying the view when the waves got stronger and like a shitload of water just splashed on him suddenly just like that!!! Thank god it wasn't me!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA and I think he was even carrying a camera also. I guess mother nature hates him



The ideal suicide spot OK JUST KIDDING DON'T KILL YOURSELVES. But I heard there was once a group of people tried to canoe in this area and they ended up capsizing and went missing or something like that. oooOOOoooo....

Anyway since we were at the Tiger Leaping Gorge, what perfect timing than to debut my NEW TV series to succeed the short-lived Mountainous Adventures - an even shorter GORGEOUS ADVENTURES!



After that we were on the bus to go to some tourist place when we realised that our bus was like fucking chased by BEES! Not just 1 or 2 but like SHITLOADS of them. And you can tell that clearly we screwed them up in some way unbeknownst to us because you could literally hear them tapping on the glass windows, trying to send us death threats and shit. And we don't even know why??? Bunch of stupid fuckers, behaving like those gangsters who recently slashed that dude for doing nothing.



Anyway they ended up going to hound some other lorry so our lives were spared lol



Hot chocolate milk tea thingy from this hipster-looking cafe run by a Taiwanese dude



Kawaii



Cuteass dog belonging to this couple who owned a small eatery there! And over there they actually sold...



I was really happy at first because after you've been away from Singapore for so long this is the closest you'd get to eating something local. But I was wrong. Apparently in China they're tau huey contains ginger in it! Urgh. I mean, I like ginger but not in my tau huey?!?! Which is supposed to be sweet and shit?!?!

But just to give them face I pretended like I really liked it... Michelle even offered to give me her half-eaten bowl because she didn't like it. I mean, after having witnessed a China woman biting her boyfriend's shoulder in public I didn't want to take chances pissing off the shop owners.



They had this chee cheong fan which is really nice though, I loike.



This dog also very cute; I loike.


The next weekend was pretty boring - we took a flight from Lijiang to Kunming, the capital of Yunnan for a shopping weekend so it's pretty much just us walking around the streets, trying to get around and not land ourselves up with our organs cut out and sold at the black market, but here are some random pictures:



At ze atas Kunming hotel



Ian looking miserable



Rudeass building



More pizza hut goodness

We also visited some Kunming village place that Angus was bored to death with because he already went there in secondary school on a school trip to Kunming LOL





Yours ah?





You without makeup



And me being a ratchet ass thief



WOAHWAWOAOWAWHAOHWA



We also caught the Dynamic Yunnan show which essentially comprised creepy flexible women, screaming banshees, demon summoning and fat people dry humping drums. It was all really exciting.

The China people were really supportive though. We were asked not to take photos and remain silent but they just kept talking and taking flash photography!!! How lovely. I think some of them smoked inside too lol




Our last destination before going to the airport to fly back to Singapore (yas) was this hugeass shopping area that is basically the size of Singapore





See what I mean?

Most of the things there looked like shit though, and all I could care about was the amazing food that was there



I think I ate like 10 of these that day because it was only SGD1 each! Who can resist?!?!



We also had bubble tea, picy ma la noodles and wanton soup and some other stuff




~*and then we left China*~





She's not my friend



The shittiest airplane food once again. I thought the cake would at least be nice but... it was dry ;_;

The food was so bad, Charmaine did this to hers



Loljk but she really did drop it. Accident or not I don't know la but with food like this I'd throw it on the floor also, and then proceed to swear at the air stewardesses just for the fun of it since they won't understand what I say anyway... ok maybe they do



And we be HOME! Contrary to all the videos you watched taken during the trip I did not come back with a China accent so I'm just glad about that LOL.

I can't think of a proper ending to this post because all of this happened 9 months ago and I think I had in mind what outro I wanted to write but I guess my memory has failed me as always so OH WELL! Yolo swag

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

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