Life's unexpected surprises and my fucked up brain

Have you ever chanced upon a particularly hazardous area, always fearful of falling to your death or dropping something important into it? Like, say, the MRT platform back then when they didn't have the barriers and when SMRT thought a simple yellow line would be sufficient protection from potential deaths.

Or when you're a lizard and you casually saunter into Travis Chan's bathroom, thinking you'll be able to enjoy a few sips of water (and smelling his used underwear because his crotch obvs smells like roses) only to have a water-spraying monster coming your way to flush you down the drain (that is not his penis).

Think about it! Which place have you seen that made you think, "Wa biang, one day I confirm will drop something inside one" but actually never do. For me, it's the small gap between the lift and the floor landing.

I've always heard horror stories of people dropping their phones, tablets, or virginities through a gap that I'd think would be the second-most feared hole after a vagina to a gay man, but I've never actually seen it happen! Probably because I live on the second floor so I usually take the stairs, but you know what I mean.

But then you will look at it and be like, "Aiya, so small only! Drop also confirm kiap there one lor!". That's what I always thought too. Just like how I never understood why the announcers at MRT stations tell us to "mind the platform gap" when it really isn't anything to mind about.

So recently I was going to a friend's place and we were gonna go out for dinner from his house. The lift door opened and I walked in, with my wallet, phone and keys precariously being held onto by like 1cm² of my palm in one hand. Then all I did was to move my hand a bit and BAM!

I came to a realisation that it's actually a very auntie thing to hold all your shit in one hand.

I also realised that my key just fell out of my hand.

I KNEW it fell off my hand. I was EXTREMELY AWARE that I could have easily kicked it mid-air so it would land somewhere else.

But I just looked down, staring at how only one key went into the gap, the other one still lying on the lift floor. With a swift kick, I should have been able to get the key out before shit hits the fan (or rather, floor).

Yet all I did was stare, and because I have no bulky keychain whatsoever, the weight of the key pulled the other in anyway and it fell to oblivion. It was like a cold-blooded serial murderer disposing just one of his other corpses. Ok wait what

Damn sian. Although only my friends saw what happened (which resulted in a simultaneous panic attack from all of them except myself) I feel thoroughly embarrassed by this incident. It feels more embarrassing than bumping into a schoolmate after grocery shopping in NTUC clad in an old, oversized T-Shirt and boxers (I am not actually embarrassed by that at all).

So when I went home I promptly googled "Have you ever dropped anything into the lift gap?" to offer myself consolation but only resulted in this loltastic YouTube link and websites telling me why I should take a gap year.

Fortunately there wasn't anything about thigh gaps, but the bad news is nobody has really experienced this before other than some guy who dropped his phone because it was too big to fit into his pocket fully (Samsung.). Even then, at least it wasn't held in his HAND, being in perfect control of its fate!!!

I think they should do something about this gap leh. If they can invent seals that cover the gap under doors I'm sure they can do the same for lifts too right! Cleans one side of the lift shaft as well, so that's a win-win situation. Wa whichever lift association reads this should thank me man (then pay me)

But you know what they should do? They should install a hugeass sensor right at the very bottom of the lift shaft, so when something falls onto it it will play a track of someone shouting "LOSER!", but the town council probably doesn't have that big of a budget so they can just recruit part-time lift-shouters to station there all day. New job openings!!! (If the sensor idea works out, it would be a really sad day if the lift snaps one day (choy) and falls while people are still in it, and when they go down to retrieve the bodies they just hear a speaker continuously playing "loser! loser! loser!")

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Something else also happened on Saturday. I've always been a firm believer in good oral. Nothing feels better every morning than having a stick shoved into your mouth and have this white substance slowly, and gently cleaning the surface of your teeth. That's why I take the effort to do it every morning AND every night before I sleep. And just in case you're wondering, I spit, not swallow.

Which is why I was shocked and legitimately disappointed in myself when I realised I had forgotten to brush my teeth that morning (You thought I talking about what? Naughty) when I was already on the train to school!! Bloody cheebye, and cheebye indeed because that's how my breath probably smelt like as well!

It never actually crossed my mind until I was on the train and shifted my attention to the taste of my saliva because I was so bored. It tasted quite funky. And that was when I thought... "Did I brush my teeth this morning?" and that memory was honestly very hazy in my head. Brushing teeth isn't a particularly memorable activity.

Then I started exhaling breath into my palm then smelling the resultant air continuously to no results because it didn't smell bad. I licked my finger discreetly and smelt the saliva. Didn't smell bad. Yes, I did all those while on the train too.

But I didn't want to take chances so I started running through my head what I should do to salvage the situation. I Googled for help and it was full of people scolding people like me for being nasty and inconsiderate for not remembering to brush (walao wei) and how you'd have to keep eating mints all day to keep it smelling okay which is out of the question because I was on a strict diet (Note how it's in past tense and this only happened 2 days ago).

I could also just stop talking to people altogether, but I'd have to remain mute for more than 12 hours that way. I ultimately decided that if anybody complains of bad breath I'll just say it's them and not me on the bus to school.

But when I reached NP I immediately headed for Cheers, hoping for a miracle in the form of a stick and a tube that's not a dildo and lube (poem la sial), and the moment I opened the door it's like the store KNEW I was going to forget to brush my teeth because a hugeass stand full of oral hygiene stuff was right there!! So I quickly bought it and went to the toilet to brush my teeth. Yay to a guiltless day!

I was quite happy about it so I went around telling all the FMSA SMTs about it. Big mistake. Cheryl shouted at the juniors "TRAVIS DIDN'T BRUSH HIS TEETH!!!" which now makes my already non-existent image in school even more non-existent, just like my sex life.

I have also come to a conclusion that I will never make it far in life, and in the event that my dream career of being a pole stripper whose underwear only accepts $50 bills truly fails, I will go to my immediate Plan B which is to be a hawker. That is why I will be attempting to make chwee kueh tomorrow (if I even manage to wake up early) so wish me all the best instead of scolding me all the time about how it only costs $1 at Kopitiam OKAY?!?!!?!

Hey yo mamas

I'm proud to announce that I am actually taking a legitimate semester break this time!!! Woohoo!!

But I'm only saying this because I recently only got officially rejected for an internship. I mean, it's not surprising when I'm such a mess. But apparently they also told me it was too short of a period because there's only 5 weeks of my holidays left. I submitted my resume before school even ended. ~*real world problems*~

I don't think I've ever taken such a big break from blogging, probably because I'm just starting to outgrow this phase of my life HOHOHOHOH but year 2 life is really no joke man. I feel like whatever life that I had inside me before the semester started (and let's be real there wasn't much to begin with) has all been sucked up by my schoolwork.

So here's some hip hop happenings!!

I've decided to enroll into driving school because I thought this would be a good time to read up and work towards my driving license. I probably should have done this the moment I turned 18 but aiya it's not like I'm getting a car anytime soon. Or ever. But you never know la hor. Good to have, good to have.

On a random sidenote whoever taking driving also please don't book your BTT in November cuz I'm waiting for my timetable to book it okay

Despite the hectic semester I have to say I really enjoyed myself a lot. It's fun but in a tiring way la, so I'd say it's a love/hate relationship between the two of us. The rewards are amazing though.




We did an interview show previously for TV Production and our final project was to do a demo show instead, which basically requires us to source for a guest who is able to showcase a certain skill to entertain audiences.

It was probably one of the more stressful modules this sem because our initial guest, a sugar sculptor, suddenly pulled out two weeks before the rehearsal!!! And we already settled on the entire programme rundown, script and all that!

We also wanted pole dancing because I was the host and I wanted to show off my pole dancing skills. My underwear only takes ten dolla bills yo. But my life savings couldn't afford the price of getting a pole installed in the studio.

So we tried to quickly source for other guests - food carvers, magicians, even freaking chinese opera people who told us they'd call at 2pm that day but didn't (thanks man), but still never managed to really secure one. There was this woman who does rainbow calligraphy who wanted to charge us $200 LOL. I almost had to go sell my backside for that

Then we managed to find a yoyo-ist who's also a student in NP! That was when I just felt a shining beacon of hope falling upon me... blinding me with its brightness... until apparently he was flying overseas literally a day before our recording date. Fuck our lives man.

So I was lamenting about my poor fate with TV Prod to Ana and how the demo show is gonna flop so bad... until she suggested Ryo's mum. Who makes sushi.

Sushi. Japanese woman. Host with Poodle-like hair.
COOKING WITH DOG. DING!

I immediately went down that weekend to Ryo's place to discuss the detailz and even learnt how to make sushi woohoo!



KAWAII



The awesome sushi Ryo's mum made that day!

I've honestly never met a nicer woman than Ryo's mum. She's so hospitable and even though I told her that she only needed to bring a few equipments for the rehearsal show she practically brought half of Tokyo along with her!!! Along with additional ingredients, and even made a few bento boxes to showcase, all for our show!!!

Then end up our lecturer didn't even allow us to tape it for final grading that night which made me feel damn bad :(






On-set realness



Despite all the setbacks our show really went much better than expected! Honestly, Ms Hong only accepted our sushi idea because we were already damn desperate, else not she would've flat out rejected it. Which is why I was so damn happy when she said that we did better than expected for a group doing on sushi-making! Ana, Ryo and his mum saved my life man.

I really learnt a lot about sushi also!!! Did you know sushi came about because the ancient Japanese used to go backpacking all the time? That's why they use long-lasting ingredients and vinegar in the rice?!?! Wowowowow!!! Ok maybe y'all already knew that but I DIDN'T!



Everyone nomming on the goodies after wrapping up (GEDDIT? SUSHI? WRAPPING? Ok) our recording. They say very nice leh then I very happy cuz I spent the whole afternoon making the sushi rice HAHAHAHAHA



Check out what Ryo's mum prepared beforehand just for our show!!! Amazeballs or what?! You can't see it clearly but the blue small tupperware is basically a bento in the shape of ULTRAMAN'S FACE! CAN YOU DO THAT??

I ended up getting an A for this module when I was so dead sure I was gonna get a B leh!! I was so happy that I went to add Ms Hong on Facebook for the lulz.


Our News Writing final project was one of the projects I looked forward to the most because we had to come up with our very own newspaper! Woohoo!

I was the sub-editor who is essentially in charge of the articles to ensure that they do not have any factual, grammatical and housestyle mistakes because I, being my usual OCD fuck, will always pay attention to detail.

I literally get bored of the articles because I have to comb through every story at least 5 times to really sieve out everything because I sometimes also a bit cock eye.

But the final project is ~*loooovely*~ check it out:



Wowowowow!



That's right




Advertising was also one of the modules I'm proud of because I was the group leader. CHEHH not because of that la but because I thought our group really did a good job!

We chose mascara as our advertising product and instead of being all boring and hard-selling the product with factual information like many of the ads do, we made it more relatable to women.

Basically: our mascara lasts 24 hours = no need to touch up = let's tell everybody that touching up will fuck you up so use ours.

And yes, we really boarded a bus and had Nicolene lie down unglamorously on the floor while having a lot of vegetables thrown at her by Charmaine and I HAHAHAHAHA



Mounted in A3 goodness



And our presentation went pretty well too!!! Hehehe




Digital Media Design was really awesome as well. It's actually my favourite module this semester, which probably just means I'm a huge fat nerd. I really liked Webgra in year 1 too leh, so I guess this semester was less torturous because of this since everybody seemed to hate it. Like hello, designing websites?! Drafting up website proposals How awesome is that?! No? Nobody? ......

And our final assignment was a huuuuge success! One of the topics listed in the brief was recycling, and Mr David advised us to come up with our own, creative topics to do on so that it'll be interesting because historically, groups that did recycling never really wowed anybody. So we decided to take on that challenge.

And honestly, no tea no shade, but seeing other groups doing different topics just for the sake of it was kinda like, painful to see lol

I can't say we didn't struggle because we never thought of a wow campaign with a wow website plan. But in the end everything worked really well and our campaign was called JUST ONE.

We know that people don't become avid recyclers overnight, so what the hell, ask you suddenly recycle all your bottles a bit siao right? So we're just telling people to recycle JUST ONE. JUST ONE!!! And it will make a difference, yknow what I'm sayin' homie?

And our final website is probably one of the proudest assignments I've ever worked on because I was the coder and the website was made such that a water bottle is "falling down" as you scroll down and takes you through a bunch of infographics telling you what happens when you do / do not recycle your bottles, and at the end of it we get people to pledge to adhere to recycling just one bottle a day. Sleep already not?

Here's our video done by Diyanah!!! (Which when we shared on Facebook kena share by a few other people who didn't know it was just a project and not a real thing LOL)


Just 1 Project - Recycle for a Change. from Just One on Vimeo.




I think we can all agree MRM was a really shit module. Even though seniors say it really comes useful in the future, a shit module is still a shit module any way you slice it.

I've honestly never felt this frustrated over a module (especially the final group assignment which I was so sure we were gonna fuck up but didn't la lol)!! I even got an AD for it which I think is quite embarrassing LOL

But that's pretty much it for the last half of the semester! Japanese classes were awesome because Charmaine is my classmate also so at least there was someone I actually knew, and we'd always bring dinner to class and make our sensei jealous lol (she must be wondering why Singapore has such ill-mannered fuckers cuz she just came here)

I also watched The xx who were AWESOME



And watching the show actually made me like Coexist a little bit more, so yay!


Meanwhile, my next one month before school starts will be INCREDIBLY boring. I have no internship, and I have no job at all, so I'm just being a total bum.

And it's really sad because everyone around me is doing either of those (minus being a bum), so very intimidating also la. I can't wait to flash my empty resume to my future employers man, gonna be so funny.

It's also very funny how I'm finally desperate of getting a job when I only have one month left so that's pretty much impossible :(

I've been thinking of either being a tram commentator at the night safari, a bartender somewhere, part of a kitchen crew (because I've been watching a hell load of MasterBateChef), or a model at A&F. I might go for the last one though, since it suits me the most.

But also no point seeing all this since it's all too late for regrets now... sigh... life........

I am however going to embark on my humble quest of learning how to make CHWEE KUEH. 

Everybody is all like, "Why can't you just buy from the hawker center?" like whatever man. Everybody is just being a h8r. There are fewer and fewer chwee kueh stalls in Singapore already, if one day all of them are gone how am I going to get my chwee kueh fix?!?!

Unfortunately the moulds can only be bought at Beach Road (NO I WILL NOT SETTLE FOR CUPCAKE MOULDS) so I'll probably head down there to get it when I have the time.

Woohoo so exciting! I may have no job, I may have no internship, but at the end of it, I can (hopefully) make some pretty damn good chwee kueh. Then I can put in my resume. Sounds like a plan.

I also twisted my ankle recently! It's okay now but I just felt like saying it for the lulz

My debit card also split into half and for a very stupid reason too. It all started many months ago when I couldn't seem to take out my MacBook cover so I tried to use my debit card to sort of "pop" it out, but it ended up splitting the card at the corner.

Then many months later and after many swipes on the NETS machine, the debit card somehow gave way and created an even bigger split, so before shit hits the fan I quickly brought it to OCBC to get it replaced. Then they told me I had to wait 1-2 weeks before getting it back. Fair enough.

Then just YESTERDAY, which is after 1 week and 1 day, I finally received a letter from OCBC! Telling me that the signatures on my card and replacement application letter are DIFFERENT so they can't replace it and asked me to submit a new form.

KANINA! I HAD TO WAIT ONE MONTH FOR THEM TO TELL ME THIS SHIT LEH!

I was so pissed I called the OCBC hotline (I was BEYOND pissed because I really had no money lol) and they told me I'll get it by Friday, lol. But seriously no tea no shade but telling me to wait 1 week is already pushing it when other banks do immediate replacements man. Then ask me to wait some more. Siao liao.

But yea this is pretty much it. I shall go back to living my ~*depressed jobless life*~.  :'(

I.A.A.D - I Am Absolutely Done



I'm not even going to bother to like, say anything else because the video speaks for itself. I am so done! These girls are going to look back at this 5 years on and wonder wtf is going on (and Zayn is engaged la hor so if any of y'all have been masturbating on his life-sized cutout ah...)

112



I had the honour of starring in Stage 52's latest production 112 last Friday and Saturday and boy, was it a fucking long yet rewarding journey. Something I thought would've been a flop ended up selling out both dates with roaring demand with even students / graduates NUS and La Salle giving raving reviews of the play. This is honestly one of the things I've never been more proud of in my life.

Just like Adele's 21 album, I have yet to see / hear a single negative review about 112. Both of them also happen to comprise only the numbers 1 and 2 WOAHWAHWOHA.

For those who didn't catch the play, it's essentially a story about 1 woman, 1 wife and 2 assassins. Something like that la.
It centers around this woman Emma who meets Nathan at a bar, called "The Black Cat", which is run for a very long time by Steve, and recently only hired Adam (played by me), who can never get shit done right, always unknowingly stirs trouble and is an attention whore.

Emma gets into a relationship with Nathan, not knowing that he's married. Nathan and Paul are best friends and work for Camille as assassins who kill men that cheat on their wives.

Nearing the end, the audience would find out that this entire scenario is actually all within the real Emma's head. She's a fucking crazy woman, and the characters in her head are people whom she had interaction with in real life. Like me, the bartender in her head, was the police officer that arrested her. Lucas acted as Emma's REAL husband, and would appear in every scene of the play because her husband is that one person Emma can never get off her mind.

Aiya, there's a lot of interlinking, underlying meanings behind the play that I cannot possibly type everything out of without killing your eyes but that's essentially the gist of the story. It may come across as a shallow story but if you think deeper there's really a lot more meaning to it.
I remember being hesitant at the beginning on whether or not I should've auditioned for a role, but somehow, Charmaine managed to persuade me to do so. Even then, I auditioned just for a supporting role. I thought I would've been lucky enough to have gotten a role as a tree or as a cocktail shaker or something. But surprise surprise! I was cast as the bartender!

And initially I can't say I wasn't pissed because the very very very first draft of the script only had me saying 2 lines: "CLEAR THE BAR!" and "LET'S GO!", so I was like meh ~*insignificant*~ LOL

Nonetheless as the weeks went by I had more and more lines added because my role as the bartender was essentially for comic relief and Nicole didn't want to force comedy, hence the reason why lines were added on an impromptu basis, so me, Nicole (the director), Eeter all contributed to my lines for the play which I have to say is pretty amazing.

And when I started going to rehearsals in the classrooms together with the cast I felt fucking insecure because everybody could act so well - and I had barely any drama experience!

I found it really difficult getting into my character at first because my character's supposed to be extremely loud, flamboyant and all over the place which I initially only managed to deliver, say, 60% of? So I felt quite bad about it but I did get better throughout the weeks.


Promotional image siolz

I admittedly wasn't as committed as I should have been for the play because I was always late, I was always skipping rehearsals and all that throughout the entire 3.5 months. God knows how many times Sophia would say to me "Very early hor?" and have Fenny ask me "What time is it?" Hahahaha. I'm not gonna lie - part of the reason why I never wanted to go for rehearsals was because I thought the play would flop... but I'm so glad that I was proven wrong ultimately.





Beatrice being damn excited for the premiere of Lady Gaga's Applause music video LOL



When we watched back the recording of one of our rehearsals Beatrice was even scared of herself HAHAHA and she looks like she's freaking levitating like some exorcism shit going on



Production week was when shit really got down, also because it was when my exams were finally over so I could concentrate 100% on the play. Everything started to come together, and when I saw the finalised set for the first time, I was bloody impressed. Like BLOODY. I would've menstruated all over my pants if I could.

The art department really did a banging good job and everything started coming together perfectly. Rehearsals actually started becoming a breeze to go to because it was all very smooth-sailing.



Furthermore, I was down with a fever and mild food poisoning the first few days of the week, which prevented me from going down for Music Box rehearsals. I literally only managed to successfully project my voice loudly enough on stage just days before the actual production, because I never had prior practice to know how loud I should be. Thank god!

There was also a dance segment of the play where we have our own rendition of Chicago's Cell Block Tango. It doesn't matter that it was a direct copy because they definitely did it justice. I kid you not. The dance was definitely one of the highlights of the play because everybody did the routine so flawlessly without leaving out the most important and captivating parts.

Fuck man, they practiced for so long EVERYBODY on set could recite the whole thing. I subliminally learnt everything because I was always sleeping near the stage when they practiced HAHAHA. Oh, and the dancers even took the effort to record their own voices to be played during their segment and they sound freaking amazing and professional man.



Daniel, Charmaine and Ian stayed over at my place the night after the first show because we tried sleeping in school the night before and proved to be a horrible nightmare.

It was some shady classroom at the BA block and we were watching The Little Mermaid (don't ask why) on the projector. Out of nowhere the movie started to become BLUR (like cuz got fog) which scared the living shit out of everybody (it was like 1AM or something) so instead of investigating the matter all 6 of us in the room started HUGGING EACH OTHER AND WHIMPERING CUZ WE WERE SO DAMN SCARED!!!

Then we found out that the air con was blowing directly on the projector lens resulting in condensation. Fuck our lives.





Check out my bruises because I had to suddenly kneel down in one scene



What's a girl like you doing in a place like this



The changing room at Music Box which I never knew existed



With Naavin, Ysabel (she gets into character like 2 hours before the show she's mad) and Shaistaaa





With Constance (top), Jovita (left) and Andrea (right)!



I have no idea wtf Tricia and I were doing HAHAHAHA



And Nicolene got us drinks for our throats before the second show because our throats were feeling a little sore from the first!!! Thoughtful or what siaaaaaxzsxzxsz

Anyway I say so much also gong jiao wei. Here are some pictures of the play taken by this guy called Ahmad whom I stole the photos from on Facebook. If you're reading this I'm sorry for stealing but your photos are really fucking amazing HAHAHA:













Damn right





Beatrice the crazy bitch


I'm so happy that a lot of people actually came to support us and came to watch the show. Honestly I never thought that knowing that your friends are there to support and watch you could give such a huge boost to your energy and performance during the actual play.

Speaking of which, I was SO happy after the first show because people were actually laughing at all of my jokes at all of the right times - it honestly felt damn good and was a massive energy booster man!

Especially after weeks of rehearsing in front of an empty audience ( = no laughter), you really never know whether or not the joke would actually work with the audience!

But I held back on inviting a lot of people because like I said earlier, I'm gonna admit that I really thought it was a play that was doomed from the start which was why I didn't want to get my friends to pay and have them bitching to be about wasting their time and stuff so I'm sorry to some of you guys :(



Jiarong came down even though my flop instincts made me try to persuade him not to HAHAH



Awesum frenzzzz



My Radio Heatwave niggas (Kim Anne Tan on the right got into the Top 8 of the 987 Radio Star competition w00h00)



Joey also baked amazeballs cookies to be sold at the venue



With Rajid who I kept irritating by saying "OMG ACTOR FROM CLICK AND RECESSION HEROES CAME TO WATCH ME!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHA



With Preeti Preetz!

...and many other photos which have yet to be uploaded for me to repost because I didn't have my phone on hand to take my own LOL


I really cannot explain how this whole play has really become such an incredible journey for me. I wasn't fully involved in it for long but it just feels so good to be around all these people who are working together so closely and just having fun because we're all working towards the same shit.

Furthermore, drama was always a hidden passion that I never bothered to actively pursue for so many damn years man. The year I enrolled into JWSS was also the year their drama club disbanded.

4 years of being in Red Cross and an expired First Aid certificate later, in retrospect, I honestly thought I could've spent more time doing stuff that I liked instead of trying to nurture a liking towards certain things.

The thing about working on a theatre production is that the rewards and satisfaction comes after a really long wait, and even though I would call myself an impatient person I really liked the experience of going through 112 despite all of its disorganisations and what not. Now I'm even more sure that I might wanna pursue theatre in the future, or even as a degree to be honest. And I certainly hope 112 will not be my last production to be involved in.

I'm so grateful that I was given this chance to star in this, and while I didn't manage to take a picture with him, I really want to specially thank my fellow bartender Eeter for giving so much guidance.

He's younger than me yet he's given me so much guidance and he really knows his shit damn well, which is why he's probably the junior I look up to the most. It's sad knowing that I probably won't see him next semester around campus cuz he's transferring to another school, but I never thought I would be able to work this well with him and I'm really glad to have had him star beside me.

If any of the cast / crew are reading this I'm so so so so thankful to have you guys around and I really can't wait to work with y'all again for Scarefest!!!