Too Tired

Wanted to spend time updating my blog but ended up sleeping most of the pubic holiday away... oh well. Here's a picture of me at work the other day sleeping while shitting to tide you over in the meantime:



Also keeping this picture just in case I decide to have a consultation with my plastic surgeon over e-mail because I'm so lazy lol!!!!!

Yes, I did cut off my weave without doing a proper post about it, but I figured since it's been literally months since that's happened I shan't bother doing it...

Anyway, in memory of my curly lesbian weave, here's a video I did for Radio Heatwave (which I'm also officially retired from) a looooong time ago where we pitted ourselves against a team of professional gamers (legit!) to a game of L4D2 (and DOTA, but the footage was corrupted so the video never came out) so please don't judge me because let's just say... the things I did in that game were not among the smartest things I've done in my life HAHAHAH!!! And pardon the awkward hosting because I was too lazy to memorise the script until 1 minute before filming. Plus, I had to act cool when I'm not. YEA LA YEA LA I'M JUST MAKING EXCUSES FOR MY INEPTITUDE OK??? Go away la fuck




The Birds and the Feet

I have a bittersweet feeling towards growing old. Sweet because based on the past 5 years, I find myself looking more attractive with each coming year. Bitter because that's precisely why I fear for the day everything starts to go downhill (and frankly, it's coming). I'm ~only~ (as some people would tell me... annoying) turning 20 in three months and I'm already contemplating 20 botoxes, a nose job and 5 facelifts.

Because what I fear the most is ageing. Okay, that's too general. I'm cool with it. What I fear the most are crow's feet.

I CANNOT keep my eyes off looking at people's crow's feet. I'll admit it. It's this weird thing I have going on.

If there is one feature about growing old that I'm most afraid of, it's not the wrinkles anywhere else, maybe it's the receding hairline, but fo' sho', it's the wrinkles at the edge of my eyes. I don't know why. When I talk to old people, I can't help noticing their crow's feet. When I see peers my age having crow's feet, I start to Google for dermatologists. Fortunately, the one and ONLY good thing the Chan family genes have given me, other than my nice legs, are the fact that I don't seem to be getting crow's feet anytime soon.

All the cute boys have tight-skinned faces. I unfortunately don't have that genetic luxury; not only do I blame my ancestry which includes Jackie Chan, but I also blame my sordid childhood when I would order a 4 piece meal via KFC delivery because I had to meet a minimum order.

Also cannot understand why people around my age sometimes take photos raising their brows so high up, forcing forehead wrinkles to say hello. Is 20 years too long a wait?

"Look at him, he's so handsome. His crow's feet make me so moist" - No one EVER?
Okay, but the thing is this: I don't actually hate crow's feet. I just don't want it. And when I see that other people have it, it's like when my friends don't finish their food during our meals together – I don't mind (them not giving me to eat) it, but I can't stop staring at it.

I don't even know when or how this fear came about. It just happened. I remember many years back when there was this Channel 8 drama starring Zoe Tay and Fann Wong and I happened to read some reviews on those nasty forums online. Wa biang, everybody was SO QUICK to attack Zoe Tay saying how she's a has-been and looks so old that her crow's feet are super defined on screen. These people are like vultures attacking a dead carcass!

And then there is a certain national swimmer who recently made headlines and looks disturbingly like a cross between Aaron Allwood and Matthew Chaisit Tan. I'm not going to name names, but this picture should be obvious enough:


Still not naming names!

When I first saw him, all I could think of was... HOW OLD IS THIS GUY? Then I found out he is a full five months younger than me. Holy shitballs. How could this be? His (albeit newly-developed, I'll cut him some slack) crow's feet are so deep, a tadpole could practically live in there and you'd never find out!

That only means one thing – chlorinated water is fucked up. Thank god I never learnt swimming; when I was young, my uncle would try to teach me how to learn swimming but I never did because I had this weird phobia of deep waters (enough of the how-do-you-shower jokes). The funny thing is I don't have this fear anymore. God knew I would hate the ageing effects and gave me this blessing in disguise. Maybe that's why I don't fear it anymore cuz I have since grown too fat and lazy to swim.

There's also this saying that people who usually develop crow's feet at an early age means they are very positive people since they smile / laugh a lot. Therefore, I'm fucked. Yet, if I don't smile, people say I have a bitch face. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.

But you know who are the people who don't seem to get it until they're 80 years old? The Japanese. I have the same response as when their doctors step in: "I don't get it!" That's why I love them so much.


Whoever their doctors are, I want each and every one of their numbers. Now. Okay, I'll wait 5 years max.



Okay, maybe not this lady over here. Not even my full-of-flaws fave ayumi hamasaki could resist crow's feet in this show where she meets her teenage idol. Poor girl (she's not a girl anymore, she has crow's feet) woman... if she had piled on a bit more concealer maybe she would've stood a chance with him lol


OKAY maybe I should stop complaining... I've been very angsty and PMS-y these days, I don't know what's gotten to me. I think I need help. ;( ;( ;(

But I think I'm getting back into the habit of blogging, which I think is great. I'm one step closer to getting my shit together. It's been stagnant for too long so it has come to a point where I REALLY think nobody reads it anymore LOOOOOL.

But it's okay, life is blissful for me. Right now I'm really just sailing through for the rest of the year, which may or may not be a good thing. Every day I reach home and I'm just so tired from work, and I guess maybe that's why I'm blogging so much again. It's like a coping mechanism of some sorts, and I feel like I'm much more free based on the fact that when you leave the office, you leave all your work there too, so that's one perk I've never gotten to enjoy in a looooong time.

Also getting back to reading books again, am continuing learning Japanese at my own free time and all is good at the moment. No ragrets, just enjoy typing shit here because it's fun. Generally very blessed with what's happened for the past few months, and the many more months to come. Can't wait to graduate!!!!!

有些人笨就是笨

It took me quite a while to realise that I am actually really stupid. But what's severely overdue is realising that there are so many people who are worse off, and now that I do, it's annoying the shit out of me.

Unfortunately I can't name a lot of examples because they're quite specific in most of these stories. But sometimes when I talk to certain people who try to come off as smart, I can't help but to only deduce that they are either (a) stupid or (b) plain stupid.

Like people who speak in phoney accents. I hate it. Stop acting like you're so "worldly" and "cosmopolitan" when half your life was spent talking to the hawker centre auntie about how you like your Hokkien mee wet and moist. And just because you happened to *be born* in the States doesn't mean you *grew up in* or *was from* the States. It just means your parents didn't know how to plan their holidays. So change your Facebook bio.

Granted, our Singaporean accent doesn't exactly sound that cultured, and if I could, I wouldn't want to speak in a full-blown Singaporean accent overseas. But embarrassment forms only half of the equation. The other half is the fact that it's much easier to get around that way. Therefore, Singaporeans who fake accents when they're in Singapore are really incredibly stupid and pretentious. "I would like to have a bowl of laksa without the cockles to have here." (Not a specific example, but there have been similar instances I've witnessed) Sweet Jesus Christ, get over yourself and stop being a weirdo.

And then there are annoying, well-read people. I am not very well-read. I like to read books, especially The Three Little Pigs, but I've never been interested in deeply intellectual and philosophical literature like Shakespeare or, I don't know, Mr Midnight.

But some of the people who do appreciate such works (who I truly admire their ability to) seem to also look at themselves as people who perpetually have something stuffed up their ass while sitting on imaginary high horses. "Oh, you lowly peasants." And they think their well-read-ness = them knowing all about life. I've come to realise that knowledge, especially for most life skills, can hardly be learnt from books. A few profound books does not a smart person make. There are some incredibly well-read people in my life who end up being quite the dumbass, and these are the very people who've made me realise that perhaps I shouldn't be so quick to look up to these people after all. Can afford to buy books but cannot buy class. Bye.

People who pass off others' judgments for their own. Take this story for example. Feature Writing semester. Our lecturer found 8 DAYS as a publication repulsive, has trashy content, and has shitty layouts, and that we shouldn't base our projects based on that publication. I personally love it, as evident by how I've been reading it since Sec 3.

But based on this one opinion, about 80% of MCM students magically carried the same opinion literally overnight, and $10 these bitches don't even know what they're talking about because they've never even bothered to read the magazine. I bet another $10 that these people don't know that you can buy 5 issues with that $10. Hello, don't knock it till you've tried it? It's just like how everybody assumes FHM is a porn magazine. I think FHM is actually a really interesting magazine if you bother to actually flip through it! It's just like any other lifestyle magazine, just catered towards men, but some people are really just stupid to pass off judgments based on appearance. Unless what you're judging is a balut, which in that case... yes, some pretty nasty shit.

At least say "I've heard that..." or "This person said to me..." but don't pass off statements sweepingly as your own because when you start getting questioned and end up not knowing your shit, obviously no one's going to take you seriously?!

Ok, rant over. Internship's been making me extremely cranky because the air is so dry. The skin on my face is flaking off faster than a KFC egg tart, and no amount of moisturiser seems to be saving it. Lord have mercy on my face!!!!!!! It's the only asset that's going to get me the money and the boys in future, at least from waist up.