Time to get a little salty!

It's the last day of my block leave after passing out and tomorrow it's back to the grind again, Jesus Christ.

Fortunately I got posted to ~*SCS*~ so the camp is like 10 metres from my house, compared to Tekong which was all the way in Ethiopia, so woop woop! I'm gonna be a sergeant siak!

There was once I took the public transport to Pasir Ris for the first time to book in because my stepdad wasn't free, and I totally underestimated the time taken and realised it when I was at Queenstown station so I had to loser-ly alight and grab a cab instead LOL.

Anyhoo, passing out from BMT was such a bittersweet feeling. My section was super fun to be with (and while I have no basis of comparison, I would like to think that my section tbh was the best section in the platoon) and I had lots of fun with them lah.

During our 24km route march (more on that later) we were so bored we started going round asking one another what is one thing they are thankful for in BMT. I said I was thankful that NS allows us enlistees to go in as a clean slate – devoid of our past achievements, history, education, what not. We knew nothing about each other to form any sort of pre-conceived notions or judgements, and you know I judge people the moment I see their hair. But lo and behold there weren't any there either!

So it was really nice. I've become good friends with people, after knowing who they are, I probably wouldn't have approached or come in contact with in real life. So that's what I really liked about being in BMT.

Anyhoo, the 24km route march, besides the ability for me to even do so, made me realise two things I never knew I could do either – get abrasions on my thighs where my pockets are (I had my wallet and phone in them LMAO) and LITERALLY sleepwalk.

Sleepwalking is like the best shit. My eyes would be 3/4 closed, opened just enough to look at the person's shadow in front of me to make sure I keep proper distance. I did several conscious experiments and realise that I was able to keep pace better sleepwalking (not to mention feel better) than if I were to be awake. Who would have thought right? Also, by the end of the walk my name wasn't even Travis Chan anymore. It was The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

My only gripe with NS is how my English has gone down to the shitters because everybody speaks TERRIBLE ENGLISH! I swear to God, one of the things I'd like to achieve as a sergeant in my future unit is to promote good English practices. Seriously. To any future enlistees reading this, please take out an exercise book and write this:

Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree. Three is not read as tree.

And this:

The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets". The plural of "foot" is "feet", not "feets".

For the betterment of our society, please.


So I got my posting on Friday. I'll be completely honest to say that I thought I had a fighting chance to get posted to OCS. THERE I SAID IT BITCH!!! BUT I DIDN'T!!!! LOL.

Am I being salty? You bet I am!
I think what makes me upset more, too, is that after browsing Facebook like the kaypoh I am, I see so many nasty people getting posted there, which is like, the first time in my life I really question the system. I guess some people just manage to slip through the cracks. Is it because I have a French stepdad? Is it because my dad went through four marriages thus my family background is officially shady? Is it because I have no tonsils? ~*Who really knows*~

But Magdelene was being very real yesterday with me by saying that I am really only upset because it's the first time in my life since PSLE that I am not getting the "top" position. Fair enough, I'm not going to deny that it's an ego thing. HAHAHAHAHAA!!!! So I guess it makes sense that I am in SCS because at least I know my heart would be in the right place. Aiya the military system is flawed anyway and it's not like I have intentions of signing on and/or put my NS rank in my resume (Seriously, some people find it's okay to do it but I'm struggling to find the direct relevance?)

I'm not sure if I posted about this before here but I've reached a point in my life where I believe everything has happened for a reason, and that at times like this God probably has better plans. I'm not religious but it's a state of mind that has proved to be very effective in getting my shit together LOL. #zen So, hopefully everything works out in SCS if this is what has been bestowed upon me.

The year is coming to an end yet again and this has been such a good year. It's been a great time to be alive. Not to mention I think I'm in love.... ... . . .. . ... . . . . .. . .. .. . . . .. . .. .. ... with the coco.

Maybe some time next week I'll do another post to review my year. Despite the fact that army will literally be my entire 2016, I have plans to do things to maintain my sanity so hopefully everything works out in that department too. Can't wait for time to fly by tbh, as much as I hate to anticipate the onset of ageing, as usual. My 21st birthday is going to be on a weekday in camp leh, kanasai!

I got soul but I'm not a soldier

In exactly one month I will be passing out as a SOLDIER Y'ALLZ!!!

Here is an obligatory photo of me bald:



Are you ready for this jelly?

NS has been... a very trying experience. I remember bitching about it before so many years back, I think in 2008 or something, about how I really didn't want to go through NS.

I still think it's stupid lah, but for very irrational reasons. I totally get why we need it. And as I grew older I looked more and more forward to serving NS, with big dreams about how I'm going to give it my all, wanna be an officer and all that kind of shit, and take this as a once in a lifetime experience (which it is), mostly for the bragging rights to tell people in other countries "Eh I was in the army before leh" HAHAHAHHAHAHA

But the first time I went in, I swear to God, one day felt like one week. And it was that feeling for the most part of my first week. It's really quite emotionally draining. But I guess everyone deals with it on their own internally. At one point I thought I was gonna go insane. But after the first week everything just went by so quickly, and by now I've already completed my 5th week, and I'm still alive! I'm already halfway there leh!

Being in one of, if not THE, strictest and / or fiercest company here, I will honestly feel extremely proud of myself if I make it through alive at the end of this. Seriously. I didn't even think things here were being run so intensely until my other friends in companies tell me how things are like on their side lol.

Here is the one and only photo of me from the BMTC Facebook page, receiving "my" rifle:



The doneness shown on my face is not the result of a poorly timed shot. It is very real. My skin tone is also a representation of how I am as done as a well done steak.

As Joey once put it, this is truly the place where all the idiots in the world collide. I cannot count the number of times I have been proven time and again with how people can be so stupid. But that's not to say I didn't meet a bunch of cool peeps from my platoon – especially my section mates (there are 14 of us sharing a bunk). They're freakin' awesome and I think I got pretty lucky to be grouped up with them! And one of them is the token ang moh that draws the attention of everybody lol!

Surprisingly I've also been seeing more familiar faces than I thought I would. Seeing anyone from FMS makes me feel so happy and wish I was back in poly again lol. I even bumped into secondary school mates I literally haven't heard from since we graduated. I thought they fell off the face of the Earth, only to realise they're still alive!!!!!!!!!

The only hint of civilisation we get is the little pockets of time we get to use our phones in our bunks or watching Channel News Asia during meals. But as much as I hated hearing that I will "get used to it", it is true that you eventually get used to the regimentation and everything. I wouldn't say that I have "fallen into the system", but rather... I just do what I got to do lol. I still miss a lot about civilian life, but I think in one way or another, this also makes you appreciate civilian life more, as much as I feel like I don't even need it in the first place.

I am also one of the very few people who actually enjoy the food in Tekong. Thank Jesus Christ for my peasant tongue! Where even I find $2 ananas cafe chicken rice heavenly!

Some other things I am grateful NS has given me include the ability for me to eat a shit ton of junk food again. I can finally enjoy roti prata without feeling any guilt because I know I will sweat the shit out of it when I go back in the next week. Wooo fuck you calories! I am actually losing weight amidst all this bingeing. Is this what people with high metabolisms feel?!?!?!?! Cos it feels great?!?!!?!? Don't know what's the problem with y'all complaining all the damn time?!?!!

Nonetheless I will try to update more when I can! I need to stimulate my brain more through writing otherwise I will become dumber than I already am. Everything in the army gets so repetitive and routine that you eventually stop using your brain. Even my Japanese classmates tell me that I sound more "ang moh" when I speak Japanese now during class. Yep, my brain is dying :(

My First and Last City Harvest Church Experience

Yes, this might be an unwarranted, #toosoon kind of post, if you're Christian, I guess. But we all know I am a shit-stirrer, and I always like to tell this story so I figured I'll just lay it out here for my future self-reference in case I get dementia.

I remember I was in Primary 2 and I was playing at the playground at night with one of my childhood friends who I don't keep in contact with anymore. I vividly remember this woman who came up to us – I even remember her fucking name ok – WENDY! She wore black-rimmed spectacles and had brown hair up till her chest. If I remember correctly, she was also wearing a lesbian-esque polo shirt with jeans.

Anyhoo, she passed us flyers to go to City Harvest Church that weekend or something, because they had some kind of kids programme and wanted to get people to participate. I didn't think twice about it, because at that age, I knew shit about religion, and I didn't even know that I was going to go to a church. I'm not sure if I was that stupid or I simply gave no fucks.

So we made the decision to go anyways for some unknown reason, and I remember something happened that day that made me late / miss the shuttle bus – so the church actually got one of their members down to fetch me from Jurong Point and take a public bus there. Okay lah, that was actually pretty nice. In retrospect, I guess they're clearly very serious about converting people.

We got there and it was super crowded in the auditorium, and all I could remember was people singing Christian songs my friend and I had totally no clue about (the church people saw us not singing and told us to sing but WTF I DUNNO THE SONGS WHAT). But that's not the most memorable bit.

The most memorable bit was how at one point, we were all told to close our eyes and cup our hands. We were adamantly told that we CANNOT open our eyes – because Jesus would damn me to hell if I did (they did not actually say that, but I can't think of any other... logical... reason). If we did as we were told, Jesus, aka the volunteers, would give us a sweet.

So I closed my eyes.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Did I cup my hands wrongly? Correct what.

Waited.

Waited.

Waited.

And bitch, I never got the sweet.

That's exactly why I never went back to City Harvest Church.

Also, I lost my phone there. I still remember it was the Motorola Peanut Phone which had polyphonic ringtones, which made me the coolest kid in Jurong West's Art Park.






Also, somebody please tell Sun Ho her botox looks like shit:





Bitch looked like she went from Dr. Georgia Lee straight to the court! Nasty!

SMELLY CAAAAT

SMEOWLY CAT

WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU?????



I'm watching Friends again, in the middle of Season 3 at the moment.

I would say re-watching, but I realised I watched it at such a young age I forgot EVERYTHING about it besides the theme song, which I used to also use as my Neopets profile BGM, MIDI version and all.

Reason why I know I forgot is because I didn't think a sitcom named "Friends" would have so many kissing scenes and going-to-have-sex or after-sex scenes. Take it from me when I say I would not recommend watching this on public transport.

Ban Mian 4 President

For the past few months, I've suffered from the lack of having above-average tasting ban mian.

That was because the ban mian stall at the coffee shop beside Pioneer MRT decided to convert itself into a subpar satay beehoon stall. Boo you whores! I was a regular!

When the ban mian stall was still around, I remember that the noodles were always cooked al dente. I would deliberately tell the auntie / uncle not to cook them too much because like my ____, I liked my noodles hard (Fill in the blanks yourself! Go nuts!). And they got it right each and every time!

The only other place I've had my ban mian noodles cooked this hard (read: delicious) was at NP's Makan Place, and well, it's a bit loser for an alumni to go back to school just to eat kopitiam ban mian. But I've come to realise it's not about whether it's by koufu or not – it's whether the people in front the stoves know their shit leh!

Because of that, I've had to resort to buying shitty ban mian from Jurong Point's kopitiam. First of all, it's a total rip-off that that shit is $5.50. And it only has fish slices. The Pioneer MRT one was $5, which had fish slices AND minced pork bits! Plus, the Jurong Point kopitiam broth is bland with a mild taste of MSG that does not sit well with me. How can your soup use MSG yet still taste so bland? You tell me?

Unfortunately, I had forgotten to pack an extra pair of underwear today, for I had creamed my pants when I got to the Pioneer MRT coffee shop to find out that... the satay beehoon stall expanded its menu to sell ban mian again!!! Slap my ass and call me Nasty Nancy!

The staff have changed, and the ban mian no longer has minced pork bits if you order the fish option, but damn, the broth is heavenly. There is a very distinct fishy taste from the white fish, and they also brew the soup with ginger slices – and I LOVE ginger slices. If it weren't so butt ugly, I would have a ginger tattooed somewhere on my ass, to also serve as a symbolic gesture that I will never suffer from trapped gas again.

The Pioneer MRT coffee shop is easily my favourite lah, seriously. Got dim sum, got cai png, got chicken rice, got duck rice, got Tenderfresh Western food, got roti prata, got century egg porridge, got the famous ah lian bee hoon, etc. etc. And I can walk there and back in less than 10 minutes! Thank you to my MP! You're the bomb!

The only problem I have with that coffee shop is that the cai png stall has this fat, ugly Chinaman who is ALWAYS sweating when serving customers. That's right. I always fear for my life that his sweat would actually drip into my food.

There was once I really saw a drop of sweat drip down from his chin, which either landed on the counter, or on the dish tray in front of him. I didn't want to check to confirm. Let's just say I've sworn off ordering any dish that's in the row of trays nearest to the staff.

To all Pioneer residents, do take this as a warning!!!!!! You ain't want to see no Chinaman sweat in your food!!!!!!!! Not to mention he always looks so dulan and tired. Then sweaty some more. Walan.

Tomorrow marks the second last day of my in-house freelance stint at my current company, and I feel so sad yet relieved that I can finally take a breather before my NS. But it's been so much fun there – the company, the work, everything. It'd be tough to find another group of people I can work this happily with again, and I'm thankful that it happened even though it's been a short 5 months. I AM GRATEFUL!!! If God is real please bless me with more happy working opportunities for the rest of my life!

Eyes Eyes Baby

One of the things I used to really pride myself in when I was young(er) was the fact that I had perfect eyesight. Jiarong just reminded me about that time in primary school when I told him about how the nurse who tested my eyesight went all like, "Your eyesight very good ahhhhhhhh, perfect eyesight ahhhhhh" (OMG! WE REMEMBER THE DUMBEST THINGS!)

Especially so when everybody in my family is short-sighted except me! I am either adopted, or I am pretty damn lucky, and I am still struggling to know which one it is.

Anyhoo, all of this (partially) changed when I was diagnosed with Red Green Deficiency when I was around P5 or P6. (Cue sad music)

Ok, it sounds very tragic, but it's not. Basically, it just means I supposedly have "troubles" differentiating between green and red. But I can see both colours just fine. I see the traffic light colours correctly what - from top to bottom, it's green, yellow, then red, right? You cross the road when it's red, right? Right? Right?

I was diagnosed because I wasn't able to read the numbers during the colour sight test. You know when those nurses would come to your primary / secondary school and ask you to read what's the number amongst the assortment of red and green dots? Yeah, I remember not being able to even see a number. It was just a bunch of dots. So that was when I was referred to a specialist.

And I remember stepping into the specialist's room, where I had to read another set of numbers, this time with my mother by my side. But the difference between the primary school one and the specialist's one is that I could actually see numbers! I was so happy cos that means I'm not colour-blind right?

I read the first number and I remember my mother going, "Oh dear," and I was so confused, because I could clearly see the number. And as the patterns went by both specialist and mother looked more and more concerned. As it turns out, colour blind people are supposed to see a different set of numbers than the colour unblind people. So I was fucked from the back without even knowing it.

I even remember the specialist looking at me dead in the eye, and said in a serious tone, "Travis, you are colour blind," like it was a terminal disease and I was going to die. And to be honest, at that point, I wasn't even convinced I was colour blind leh! But I guess I can't blame myself because I also thought I wasn't fat, when in actuality I was really fat.

(But of course, no surprises again when I did my NS check-up last year and I got marked for colour-blindness too for reading wrong numbers just like that time)

BUT. Despite all that, I never actually thought my colour-blindness affected my daily life in any way. I still got my driver's licence so nothing wrong there what. I even think I got an edge during my O Levels Chemistry Practical Exam because I was able to get the invigilator to tell me the colours of my solutions – something I had trouble in, but I am pretty sure was not because of my problem. A dark brown solution sometimes confuses you whether it might actually be reddish-brown also, right? So what am I supposed to write?!??! SOMEBODY PLEASE VALIDATE WHETHER THIS IS A UNIVERSAL DILEMMA!

Up till my time in poly, the only other incident that made me realise the existence of my deficiency was when I created an icon in Photoshop and thought it had a nice, subtle, pinkish hue to it. When I showed it to Jiarong he asked me why I decided to give it a greenish hue (I tried to find the icon again but I think I had since made the icon super pink so I see it as pink furrealz now. By the way, 100x100 icons used to be all the rage y'allz! I feel so old school!).

But that was literally the ONLY time. So I just simply thought that maybe it only affects me when the colour is very subtle.

It wasn't until my poly days when I realised this deficiency has encroached upon another element of my daily life – flagging cabs. It's so weird. Let me try to explain it.

Let's say I'm standing by the road, and I'm looking out for a cab. Far into the horizon, I see a cab approaching – and I will see that the text on the LED screen on top is green! Means it's available! Yay! But as it gets closer, I will realise that the text is actually red. It was actually hired right from the start. And it's happened many times, so I highly doubt it was a one-off uncle-dont-like-my-face incident. I'm so sad :(

I wonder how many uncles thought I was weird for flagging when they're clearly red...


Anyway, I decided to blog about this because now I think my actual eyesight, which was once perfectly 20/20, is starting to deteriorate too.

I've been having to squint my eyes at things at a distance lately, to read things like signs and shit. I didn't actually notice I was doing it until Magdelene pointed it out to me a few days back. Sigh. I AM ALREADY 20! ISN'T MY EYESIGHT SUPPOSED TO STABILISE NOW!!!

Oh well. Maybe cos I stare too long at computer screens already, especially with my job and stuff. Can't be helped I guess! If I ever do need to wear specs I hope I at least look hot in them.

Got sugar or not?

I find businessmen so scheming sometimes.

Not that I can blame them because they have a living to make, but sometimes they're such capitalist assholes they have completely no ethical concern for consumers!

So I go this salad place very frequently around CBD for my lunch. They also sell fruits and they're always very sweet. At first I thought jin swee leh, they really know how to choose their fruits. But one day I was suddenly reminded back when I was interning at MediaCorp when I noticed the canteen's fruits were also very sweet all the damn time (and I bought them almost every day), and Jerald raised a conspiracy theory that maybe the stall holders soak the fruits in sugar solution.

It's very possible because the fruits would normally have been already sliced and displayed, so you don't know whether they soak it in sugar solution prior to displaying them. They don't cut the fruits on the spot, but at the back where a wall blocks the kitchen. *cue suspicious JENG JENG JENG JENG music...*

And the reason why I drew parallels with the salad shop was because I realised I wasn't getting exactly thinner from eating the salads / fruits there. I know, my reasoning is TOTALLY not shaky, right? Okay, I'll be mean and say it's also cos I partially noticed a large proportion of overweight OLs everywhere I go.

ANYWAY!

I was rudely reminded of the sugar solution conspiracy theory when one day, Magdelene and I were queuing for our skinnybitch salads when she overheard a conversation between the OL and the cashier, in Chinese:
OL: What do you guys put in this avocado juice? (They sell fresh juices that have "no sugar added" stated on the boards in-store)
Cashier: Er... *slight reluctance* vanilla...
OL: Huh? Avocado juice put vanilla?
Cashier: Er... vanilla ice cream
OL: Huh! Put ice cream ah! (Try reading it like an auntie for the lulz: Huh! 雪糕啊!)
JENG JENG JENG....... .... ..... .... .... .. .. ... . ....
I got to give it to them – they're not wrong what, technically really no sugar added!

So the question is... DO THEY SOAK THEIR FRUITS IN SUGAR SOLUTION?? I also a bit pai seh to ask. Imagine if they really do soak them? I can't stop buying from them right? Cos their salads are really very nice... #lol.

Anyhoo, just to be a troll, I decided to write in on their feedback form on their website:



No reply yet though, and it's been almost 3 weeks :\ stupid businessmen! Where is the care and concern for consumers! Fuck you all!!! Why can't I have healthy food that's convenient at the same time!!!!

And that marks my next milestone in becoming an auntie. Also, the other day I saw someone who added the following toppings to her salad: potato salad, egg mayo, canned tuna, hot dogs, canned button mushrooms, topped with... mayonnaise dressing. May I ask what is the fucking point?

Recently there's been a lot of cockroaches under my block too leh, and not one but two flying cockroaches decided to fly in to my house on two separate occasions! Kanasai! So I used that new app that lets you snap a photo and report any incidences conveniently to the town council via the app. Not bad, they responded within one day, and earlier in the night I realised there were a lot of dead roaches on the floor. I may be too young to vote, but damn, the benefits to reap during election periods are AMAZING.

Hello it's me again

You'd probably think I'm joking if I say Asa Akira (a porn star, if you didn't already know) inspired me to blog again. But I'm not. LOL! I've been reading her book thanks to my sistel Magdelene and um, I'm not going to be embarrassed to say...

I don't think I'd actually mind having people pay me for sex.

As Asa Akira put it succinctly, you get paid and get an orgasm at the same time. I know we live in a conservatively Asian society to accept this thinking, but all you Singaporeans cannot deny that it's a good deal.

Okay, let's just hold that there and see how long it's gonna take for me to publish an "Update: I found my morals and I ain't gon' do that shit again!"

I guess I do have some moral issues. But when you're in dire need of cash I think certain things need to be put aside. Not gonna be caught dead as a homeless smelly hobo! I recently read a Reddit AMA of an anonymous Singaporean woman who is a marketing executive by day, and high-end escort by night. And by high-end, we're talking $20k a month from her clients. $20k!!! That is already worth more than my life fam. Talk about milking your youth for all it's worth y'allz.

Can't believe it's been this long since I actually picked up an English-language book. I've been too caught up with learning Japanese that it's messing with my mind. And even then I only barely passed my JLPT N3. I don't think I'm meant to be a polylinguist (Not too sure about being a cunning linguist though), but I'm going to die trying, because you know, I love breaking boundaries and shit.

I actually can't wait for 2 things to do in my life: enlist in NS and write my tell-all, no-holds-barred memoir when I hit 45, provided I'm not dead by then – because with all the shit I'm gonna stir my family with it, it'll be a great time to be alive. I'm enlisting on October 8, but it feels so far away because everybody else except Milo and Jerald Chan have already enlisted. But at least I have Angus and Evan in the army already to tell me that I should prepare enough underwear when I go in.

And I already have the working title of my memoir ready, as suggested by Sibyl a few years back. I actually wrote a few chapters but it's in my PC which unfortunately crashed from overheating while playing MapleStory last year LOL. TRUE STORY!!!!!!!!!

I think I've really begun to see that everything in my life has happened for a specific reason. That's not to say I can forgive the people who've pissed me off in the past – I still hate all of your guts. But I don't know if that's because God is real or everything I'm feeling is just a state of mind. Does that make me a basic bitch? Because lately the other basic bitch thing that I've really bought into is horoscopes. Not those daily horoscope readings shit, but how your star sign actually coincides with your character. Or is God messing with my mind?

I think one distinct trait of a Capricorn that really syncs with me is being resistant to change. I actually have always been like that my whole life:

1. I can literally buy a pair of shoes, have it wear out after 5 years, and actually think, "I want to buy the same pair of shoes."

2. When I still used an iPhone 4S, I bought this $6 plain blue rubber casing from Gmarket and ended up using it for the whole 2 years I owned it. When I changed to the longer iPhone 5s I actually went back to Gmarket, went to the same merchant's page, and bought the same rubber casing, but for the iPhone 5s. Now I'm using a new phone case bought my Charmaine from Japan because it's very cute, but it's chipped on two corners and I'm not even thinking of replacing it, ever.

3. For the past 3.5 months, 8/10 times, I get eggplant and bittergourd when I order cai png. This is one thing that's not basic bitch of me lately – it's sibei auntie please. I never actually liked those two things prior. I don't know how I ordered them in the first place to even know I had the taste for them. It just happened (God messing with me again???). I actually had eggplant with my cai png for dinner just now. Ordered cabbage instead of bittergourd cos they ran out.

Another reason why I believe in horoscopes now is because of this horny chart on my Facebook feed that said Capricorns' horny rating is 10/10.

ANYWAY! My life is becoming such a routine now, I may as well be in NS already. I really like to blog on this but I've realised that the older I become, the more things I've come to learn that should be best left unsaid on a public platform. I am so annoyed! It's mainly because there are certain things that certain people shouldn't know. Lol. The old me (aka the younger me, ironically) would just say whatever the fuck I want and just let it escalate into astronomical proportions of shit stirring, but I don't think I can risk that now.

I would privatise this blog for only my friends to see but at the same time I'm an attention whore so it's very hard ;( that's what she said.

p/s. Not joking when I said I need money. Will need jobs to pay off $500 for monthly Japanese and music lessons while I am in NS – so hook me up if you have any weekend / freelance / ad-hoc / project-based jobs. I really mean ANY. Just nothing to do with foot fetishes and the likes, thanks!

Cai png

I love cai png so much.

It has almost anything and everything there is to homely, Asian food. I love it. You get to choose what you want, you get to control how much your meal costs, and in some places, they really go pretty darn cheap.

I love cai png.

HELLO!!!

I think one of the reasons why I always don't feel like updating my blog is because I always feel compelled to include pictures, and let's say uploading pictures and then putting them into this stupid box is a bitch to do. So screw it no pictures for oyu!!!! (Or maybe I'll put them in at a later time, we'll see) 

Anyway I can't help but feel like THIS YEAR HAS BEEN THE BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Turning 20 really felt like I truly entered a new phase of my life. I don't know how to explain it. But I guess I've come to realise how different a person I am than I was last year. And that can also explain why I don't blog as much, because there's something about me no longer seeing the need to put everything I do out there on a public platform (I normally just Instagram / Tweet / Snapchat it, in order of glamorousness, btw, so all the lapsap moments usually go on Snapchat). But I still find writing a very cathartic process for me so here I am writing while my body is still riled up from having just finished a run! 

Now that I'm older I think I do more self-reflection / zen posts, which are totally boring and might border on creepy because it's me talking to myself, so these posts normally go on a private blog that only I have access to lol. Usually if there are things I want my friends to know I would've already used my big mouth to do so on WhatsApp (woo, technology!!!). I also think I have many things going on in my life right now that I'm not comfortable revealing / talking about this publicly anymore for personal reasons. So I guess this blog only shows the happy, fun side of my life? I am a multi-faced bitch after all.

For the sake of nothing here's what's happened to my life lately, summarised in hopefully less than 1000 words! (Highly doubt it)

In February, I ended my 5-month internship with MediaCorp's 8 DAYS magazine! I can finally reveal it because this blog has content nasty enough for them to have fired me if there was the association, I think. Hahahahah.

Anyhoo, it brought back memories from secondary school, how my then form teacher, Miss Rachel Teo (who got married over the weekend btw), thought I was weird for wanting to write for them someday, because Edrie would buy the latest issue every week and bring it to school. So ironic how their target audience is like, adults.

Since then it's probably the only magazine I've religiously read, which explains why my level of weirdness has increased exponentially over the years. So you can only imagine how it was a dream come true for me when my lecturer-in-charge of internships told me that 8 DAYS was one of the internship choices when I asked her! My batch is literally the only batch in recent years (as far as I know) to offer a position at 8 DAYS, and not even the current batch of juniors on internship had that choice. I swear everything in life happens for a reason lor. GOD IS REAL!

It was probably the highlight of my poly life because I learnt so much about myself and so much about writing. This internship made me grow so much as a writer, and re-affirmed my passion for writing through realising the power of words. I want to go back to my second year just so I can rewrite all my nasty News Writing and Feature Writing assignments.

On the flipside, it's also made me realise that I probably don't want to dive into journalism as a main career choice. It's not that I didn't enjoy my internship. I just feel like it's better for me to keep it as a sideline hobby, or maybe a freelance kind of job. It's just the mindset of having deadlines and the fact that "it's a job" that stifles my creativity a bit, so it's entirely in my head lah. I still love writing a lot though.

But that's the point of internships right? It was actually a topic raised by the press during my graduation ceremony when they interviewed me, and I'd just like to say I truly endorse internships okay!!! Lol, so embarrassing cos the Chinese radio stations interviewed me and I didn't even know what 'internship' was in Chinese. I also just rambled a garbled mix of English and Chinese during the interview so badly that they ended up just telling me to answer in English. LOL!!! Fuck my life.

Which perfectly segues into how I just graduated recently! Woohoo! It was pretty awesome. I'm so lazy to say anything else about it. You can just see my Instagram feed for what went down, or my Facebook for more photos. Long story short: yes, I am the valedictorian for the second time in my life (what are the chances?), which is precisely why I invited Miss Teo because she made a bet with me that I wouldn't become a valedictorian again (LOL life is so funny), and hell yes, my speech was given the green light with no edits, and let's just say it involved chwee kueh which the minister who attended picked up on and used it in his Facebook post. Proudest moment of my life! Yay chwee kueh! We also got moderately drunk at 3pm that day. I am a terrible role model!!!!



And now I can also say I got sassed by a minister. Let's just say I felt AWESOME.




Also realised there was a pic of me on a CNA article on that day, which has totally nothing to do with me. It just happened to be my face.


And now to perfectly segue into another topic since we're on significant milestones in life, I would also like to proudly announce that I HAVE PASSED MY NAPFA TEST FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!!! Thank god for new 3-station system to cater to losers like me!!! I am eternally grateful!

Seriously. If I can pass NAPFA, anybody can pass okay. Seriously.


I just officially completed my medical examination last Friday (because I was sent on a couple of heart tests from my first check-up, end up there was totally no problem and I was in fact "very fit") so I'll probably get my enlistment letter next week. The sad thing about having a perfectly healthy heart is that I probably won't get PES C and below, which is what I want so that I can audition for the Music and Drama Company :( Crossing my fingers!

That's not the only thing at stake either, because I also recently booked a flight to Osaka in early October, HAHAHAHA!!! What lah, Scoot had a 3-day launch promo and it was so cheap, I couldn't not buy it okay? Plus, Namie Amuro is performing during that period so I haz to go!!!! Watch this space to see if I will eat my words when my enlistment date comes and clashes completely with the trip and my $450 flight tickets. And potentially more, because I've already applied to ballot for the concert tickets. On two dates. HAHAHA!!! Life is a gamble, friends.

Now I'm occupying myself in the meantime by studying Japanese and music, working (so that I can fund my studying of Japanese and music), and working out whenever I can. On top of trying to update my blogs. So I guess my plate's still pretty full even after graduation. I'm basically doing the things I wish I had did when I was 13. Oh well! Too late for regrets. And it's also getting too late for me to stay up. So goodnight! 


20 and (still) Nasty

So my birthday happened last week. Yay! My own present to myself was to not exercise in any way for the entire week. Needless to say I am suffering the emotional repercussions now.

Thanks to all the awesome people who wished me. I have officially entered the stage in my life where I will probably have to tick "20–25 years old" under survey age ranges. Not sure how I feel about that. But I'm pretty sure I'm going through a 1/5 life crisis.

My birthday last year was spent getting turnt and drunk as fuck. But one year later I find comfort and warmth in just having small house parties / hawker centre dinners. Most alcoholic drink I had was a Tiger Radler (could be 10, but I lost count, just kept poppin tabs all night long), which is nice okay?!?! Haha.

As graduation looms nearer I'm so fearful of what's to come in the future. I'm not even thinking about NS, because I'm very sure I'll be able to deal with that sort of change since I've been mentally preparing myself for like, the past 10 years.

But rather, what's to come after that? Everyone's already getting ready to apply for university applications coming end Feb. At least for the girls. I definitely won't be applying for admission for 2017 now. NTU e-mailed me about my eligibility for their early admissions exercise but I gave that a skip because I didn't want to make hasty decisions.

The change I'm probably most reticent toward is the thought of possibly going overseas for studies after NS. If I decide to go with it, I don't think I'll be able to adequately deal with such a change, mainly because I'll be leaving all my friends and essentially my life behind? I think I have attachment issues.

I know I will probably be able to make new friends and get used to a new life with a change of scenery, but not being able to stay updated with my friends' lives in Singapore, growing up with them and all, will probably be very sad. I'm such a clingy bitch.

I mean, Singapore can change a lot in a few years. Friends' lives can progress a lot in a few years with major milestones I won't get to be a part of. I will probably have friends who will get married while I am overseas. The thought of that scares me because we're growing up at such a fast pace?!?! I CANNOT deal with this. I am NOT ready for adulthood. I'm so bad at dealing with change. Growing up kinda sucks.

But obviously my life is not run by my friends right? They also have their own lives they want to lead right? I know, and despite knowing that, I don't know why I still feel so affected! Once again, I'm a clingy bitch.

My only problem now is probably that... there are a lot of things that I want to do. Like, A LOT. And I am finding means to earn the money to fund these interests. It's kind of taking a toll on my financials and social life.

Mostly attributed to the fact that I've wasted a lot of my teenage years. Looking back, I think I do have a lot of regrets in life, as much as I tried to spend those days as happily as possible. I've had a lot of wasted opportunities when I was a kid, and now I'm just trying to make up for lost time. But I guess that's what keeps me driven to work hard, but it's probably wearing my soul down more than is known to me. It'll be fun to see where this takes me. I just hope I don't like, die in NS or something.

New Year, New Me




...no, not really. Still the same thirsty ho!

Everyone's doing their year-in-review posts but I'm soooo lazy to go into detail, so I think I'll just post a review of some of the highlights in no particular order:

  1. Had one of my biggest birthday celebrations ever at (the now-defunct) PLAY with all my friends
  2. Completed some of my proudest school projects in poly life
  3. Travelled to Tokyo for a study trip and got to see amazing things and meet so many people (more on that later)
  4. Took part as an SL in FBC 2014; met some pretty cool juniors
  5. Stepped down as an FMSA SMT
  6. Officially retired as a Radio Heatwave DJ after 2 years
  7. Fostered stronger relationships with the people around me; let go some that were too cumbersome and were wearing me down
  8. Became more independent of people than before
  9. Scored dream internship, which I firmly believe, was because I stated that I liked stuffing myself with pasar malam food in my CV (true story)
  10. Cut down on cabbing to school from lateness compared to 2013
  11. Hit an all-time low of 60kg in 6 years
  12. Cut my damn lesbian weave away after 2 years with it
  13. My 5-year-old track shoes finally gave in and died 
  14. Attended a-nation and got to watch m-flo and ayumi hamasaki AT LONG LAST!
  15. Got my driving licence
  16. Had a blast in my last school semester with Charmaine, Shaista, Jake and Germaine as my class/groupmates
  17. Got an AD for Media Law which is kinda encouraging me to pursue law as one of my interests in the *distant* future 

Not a bad year at all right? There are so many highlights I want to write about but can't find the time and energy to.

What I will talk about is about how saaaaaaaaaaaaad the world is. I mean, okay, pretty sure we all know about the Xiaxue vs. Gushcloud thing by now. And with that here is an appropriate picture to start off as a #throwbackhoebag



Ian, Nicolene, Cheryl and I at Gushcloud's CNY gathering party last year because Cheryl and Coco were interns there before the semester started! The people there are really REALLY nice and their boss is really REALLY super cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Coco I trust you to NOT SHOW ANY OF THEM THIS LINE) So I don't have any opinions because I have no right to criticise them since I don't know the truth and all the interactions I've had with them have been pleasant!

I'm not going to side any party because it's so exhausting to keep up with all the details that are coming out, but what I will state my opinion of is all the nasty people who've been leaving the MEANEST comments of Xiaxue! Here's a list of samples I've gotten from various sources:

Slap her hard so that her fake nose, fake mouth and fake eyebrows drop. Her actual uglier self will be revealed.

How she not chee bye when her face so chee bye liao?? (With apologies to vaginas)

I'm surprised her husband doesn't dump her n move on in life. This bimbo's thoughts are painful to deal with online... Imagine what they're like in person?

SINGAPORE SHORT AND UGLY MIDGET WITH A LOUD, CRUDE AND LOWLY RUNG EVOLVED PERSONALITY TRAIT... (too long and negative for me to bother pasting in entirety)

I'm sorry but I'm not going to talk about whether Xiaxue is mean or not but the deeper meaning behind all these comments people are saying. It's like their words totally REEK of SO MUCH hate and negativity that I am so perplexed at how people can be sooooooooo resentful towards somebody they're not even in direct contact with! I don't even know if I should laugh or feel sorry for these people leh.

First of all, is there really nothing better for them to do than to leave such negativity on the net?! There's no second of all, but it almost feels like these people have gone through nasty things in their lives (bullying or something) that have made them so innately insecure to become who they are today, so full of spite, that they have to vent this sort of frustration over the web on other people.

I don't know, I'm just surmising, but I just think it's very sad lol. Aiya I just don't get why people are so negative all the damn time. Why can't we all just have a good time and get into mass orgies seriously.

LET'S TALK ABOUT HAPPIER THINGS!!!

I didn't get to blog about our Tokyo trip BUT I only recently uploaded a video compiling all the retarded videos we took during it for memory (literally, because I needed to delete those videos off my phone for memory space).

I think the timeliness (or lack thereof) speaks for itself in that I don't think I'll be blogging about the Tokyo trip anymore, but you can see what we did from my Instagram feed and read some of the stuff the writing team (where I was the editor) did on our FMS in Tokyo blog!

Basically as a study trip we went to places like Waseda University, NHK Studios, Asahi Newspapers, etc. etc. which was SOOOO fun and we also went to touristy places like Inokashira Park, Cup Noodles Museum and Tsukiji Fish Market etc. etc. as well as free and easy time to roam on our own throughout the two weeks. Plus, beer everywhere we went! Loves it!

It's 12 minutes long and would most definitely justify the number of brain cells you will kill by watching it.



I MISS BEING WEIRD AND GROSS IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY :')


Speaking of weird and gross, I am still in denial that I am turning 20 REALLY SOON (15 days?!?!?!). It's sooooooooooooooooo weird, and it's so hard for me to complain because I have so many friends who are already 20 and older!

I was talking to Clement a few hours back and he's telling me that he is attending a friend's baby shower tomorrow.

BABY SHOWER.

I HAVE OFFICIALLY ENTERED THE AGE GROUP WHERE EVERYONE IS GONNA START HAVING KIDS! Is this reality?!?!?!?!?!?!??!??!?!?!?!????!?!?!?!??!?!?!? I HOPE NOT?!?!?!?!??!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!! CAN SOMEONE MARRY ME NOW BEFORE I GET DEPRESSED SEEING ALL MY FRIENDS MARRY OFF??

Okay I'll blog again soon I wanna go and sleep bye bye