20 and (still) Nasty

So my birthday happened last week. Yay! My own present to myself was to not exercise in any way for the entire week. Needless to say I am suffering the emotional repercussions now.

Thanks to all the awesome people who wished me. I have officially entered the stage in my life where I will probably have to tick "20–25 years old" under survey age ranges. Not sure how I feel about that. But I'm pretty sure I'm going through a 1/5 life crisis.

My birthday last year was spent getting turnt and drunk as fuck. But one year later I find comfort and warmth in just having small house parties / hawker centre dinners. Most alcoholic drink I had was a Tiger Radler (could be 10, but I lost count, just kept poppin tabs all night long), which is nice okay?!?! Haha.

As graduation looms nearer I'm so fearful of what's to come in the future. I'm not even thinking about NS, because I'm very sure I'll be able to deal with that sort of change since I've been mentally preparing myself for like, the past 10 years.

But rather, what's to come after that? Everyone's already getting ready to apply for university applications coming end Feb. At least for the girls. I definitely won't be applying for admission for 2017 now. NTU e-mailed me about my eligibility for their early admissions exercise but I gave that a skip because I didn't want to make hasty decisions.

The change I'm probably most reticent toward is the thought of possibly going overseas for studies after NS. If I decide to go with it, I don't think I'll be able to adequately deal with such a change, mainly because I'll be leaving all my friends and essentially my life behind? I think I have attachment issues.

I know I will probably be able to make new friends and get used to a new life with a change of scenery, but not being able to stay updated with my friends' lives in Singapore, growing up with them and all, will probably be very sad. I'm such a clingy bitch.

I mean, Singapore can change a lot in a few years. Friends' lives can progress a lot in a few years with major milestones I won't get to be a part of. I will probably have friends who will get married while I am overseas. The thought of that scares me because we're growing up at such a fast pace?!?! I CANNOT deal with this. I am NOT ready for adulthood. I'm so bad at dealing with change. Growing up kinda sucks.

But obviously my life is not run by my friends right? They also have their own lives they want to lead right? I know, and despite knowing that, I don't know why I still feel so affected! Once again, I'm a clingy bitch.

My only problem now is probably that... there are a lot of things that I want to do. Like, A LOT. And I am finding means to earn the money to fund these interests. It's kind of taking a toll on my financials and social life.

Mostly attributed to the fact that I've wasted a lot of my teenage years. Looking back, I think I do have a lot of regrets in life, as much as I tried to spend those days as happily as possible. I've had a lot of wasted opportunities when I was a kid, and now I'm just trying to make up for lost time. But I guess that's what keeps me driven to work hard, but it's probably wearing my soul down more than is known to me. It'll be fun to see where this takes me. I just hope I don't like, die in NS or something.

New Year, New Me

...no, not really. Still the same thirsty ho!

Everyone's doing their year-in-review posts but I'm soooo lazy to go into detail, so I think I'll just post a review of some of the highlights in no particular order:

  1. Had one of my biggest birthday celebrations ever at (the now-defunct) PLAY with all my friends
  2. Completed some of my proudest school projects in poly life
  3. Travelled to Tokyo for a study trip and got to see amazing things and meet so many people (more on that later)
  4. Took part as an SL in FBC 2014; met some pretty cool juniors
  5. Stepped down as an FMSA SMT
  6. Officially retired as a Radio Heatwave DJ after 2 years
  7. Fostered stronger relationships with the people around me; let go some that were too cumbersome and were wearing me down
  8. Became more independent of people than before
  9. Scored dream internship, which I firmly believe, was because I stated that I liked stuffing myself with pasar malam food in my CV (true story)
  10. Cut down on cabbing to school from lateness compared to 2013
  11. Hit an all-time low of 60kg in 6 years
  12. Cut my damn lesbian weave away after 2 years with it
  13. My 5-year-old track shoes finally gave in and died 
  14. Attended a-nation and got to watch m-flo and ayumi hamasaki AT LONG LAST!
  15. Got my driving licence
  16. Had a blast in my last school semester with Charmaine, Shaista, Jake and Germaine as my class/groupmates
  17. Got an AD for Media Law which is kinda encouraging me to pursue law as one of my interests in the *distant* future 

Not a bad year at all right? There are so many highlights I want to write about but can't find the time and energy to.

What I will talk about is about how saaaaaaaaaaaaad the world is. I mean, okay, pretty sure we all know about the Xiaxue vs. Gushcloud thing by now. And with that here is an appropriate picture to start off as a #throwbackhoebag

Ian, Nicolene, Cheryl and I at Gushcloud's CNY gathering party last year because Cheryl and Coco were interns there before the semester started! The people there are really REALLY nice and their boss is really REALLY super cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Coco I trust you to NOT SHOW ANY OF THEM THIS LINE) So I don't have any opinions because I have no right to criticise them since I don't know the truth and all the interactions I've had with them have been pleasant!

I'm not going to side any party because it's so exhausting to keep up with all the details that are coming out, but what I will state my opinion of is all the nasty people who've been leaving the MEANEST comments of Xiaxue! Here's a list of samples I've gotten from various sources:

Slap her hard so that her fake nose, fake mouth and fake eyebrows drop. Her actual uglier self will be revealed.

How she not chee bye when her face so chee bye liao?? (With apologies to vaginas)

I'm surprised her husband doesn't dump her n move on in life. This bimbo's thoughts are painful to deal with online... Imagine what they're like in person?

SINGAPORE SHORT AND UGLY MIDGET WITH A LOUD, CRUDE AND LOWLY RUNG EVOLVED PERSONALITY TRAIT... (too long and negative for me to bother pasting in entirety)

I'm sorry but I'm not going to talk about whether Xiaxue is mean or not but the deeper meaning behind all these comments people are saying. It's like their words totally REEK of SO MUCH hate and negativity that I am so perplexed at how people can be sooooooooo resentful towards somebody they're not even in direct contact with! I don't even know if I should laugh or feel sorry for these people leh.

First of all, is there really nothing better for them to do than to leave such negativity on the net?! There's no second of all, but it almost feels like these people have gone through nasty things in their lives (bullying or something) that have made them so innately insecure to become who they are today, so full of spite, that they have to vent this sort of frustration over the web on other people.

I don't know, I'm just surmising, but I just think it's very sad lol. Aiya I just don't get why people are so negative all the damn time. Why can't we all just have a good time and get into mass orgies seriously.


I didn't get to blog about our Tokyo trip BUT I only recently uploaded a video compiling all the retarded videos we took during it for memory (literally, because I needed to delete those videos off my phone for memory space).

I think the timeliness (or lack thereof) speaks for itself in that I don't think I'll be blogging about the Tokyo trip anymore, but you can see what we did from my Instagram feed and read some of the stuff the writing team (where I was the editor) did on our FMS in Tokyo blog!

Basically as a study trip we went to places like Waseda University, NHK Studios, Asahi Newspapers, etc. etc. which was SOOOO fun and we also went to touristy places like Inokashira Park, Cup Noodles Museum and Tsukiji Fish Market etc. etc. as well as free and easy time to roam on our own throughout the two weeks. Plus, beer everywhere we went! Loves it!

It's 12 minutes long and would most definitely justify the number of brain cells you will kill by watching it.


Speaking of weird and gross, I am still in denial that I am turning 20 REALLY SOON (15 days?!?!?!). It's sooooooooooooooooo weird, and it's so hard for me to complain because I have so many friends who are already 20 and older!

I was talking to Clement a few hours back and he's telling me that he is attending a friend's baby shower tomorrow.



Okay I'll blog again soon I wanna go and sleep bye bye