SMELLY CAAAAT

SMEOWLY CAT

WHAT ARE THEY FEEDING YOU?????



I'm watching Friends again, in the middle of Season 3 at the moment.

I would say re-watching, but I realised I watched it at such a young age I forgot EVERYTHING about it besides the theme song, which I used to also use as my Neopets profile BGM, MIDI version and all.

Reason why I know I forgot is because I didn't think a sitcom named "Friends" would have so many kissing scenes and going-to-have-sex or after-sex scenes. Take it from me when I say I would not recommend watching this on public transport.

Ban Mian 4 President

For the past few months, I've suffered from the lack of having above-average tasting ban mian.

That was because the ban mian stall at the coffee shop beside Pioneer MRT decided to convert itself into a subpar satay beehoon stall. Boo you whores! I was a regular!

When the ban mian stall was still around, I remember that the noodles were always cooked al dente. I would deliberately tell the auntie / uncle not to cook them too much because like my ____, I liked my noodles hard (Fill in the blanks yourself! Go nuts!). And they got it right each and every time!

The only other place I've had my ban mian noodles cooked this hard (read: delicious) was at NP's Makan Place, and well, it's a bit loser for an alumni to go back to school just to eat kopitiam ban mian. But I've come to realise it's not about whether it's by koufu or not – it's whether the people in front the stoves know their shit leh!

Because of that, I've had to resort to buying shitty ban mian from Jurong Point's kopitiam. First of all, it's a total rip-off that that shit is $5.50. And it only has fish slices. The Pioneer MRT one was $5, which had fish slices AND minced pork bits! Plus, the Jurong Point kopitiam broth is bland with a mild taste of MSG that does not sit well with me. How can your soup use MSG yet still taste so bland? You tell me?

Unfortunately, I had forgotten to pack an extra pair of underwear today, for I had creamed my pants when I got to the Pioneer MRT coffee shop to find out that... the satay beehoon stall expanded its menu to sell ban mian again!!! Slap my ass and call me Nasty Nancy!

The staff have changed, and the ban mian no longer has minced pork bits if you order the fish option, but damn, the broth is heavenly. There is a very distinct fishy taste from the white fish, and they also brew the soup with ginger slices – and I LOVE ginger slices. If it weren't so butt ugly, I would have a ginger tattooed somewhere on my ass, to also serve as a symbolic gesture that I will never suffer from trapped gas again.

The Pioneer MRT coffee shop is easily my favourite lah, seriously. Got dim sum, got cai png, got chicken rice, got duck rice, got Tenderfresh Western food, got roti prata, got century egg porridge, got the famous ah lian bee hoon, etc. etc. And I can walk there and back in less than 10 minutes! Thank you to my MP! You're the bomb!

The only problem I have with that coffee shop is that the cai png stall has this fat, ugly Chinaman who is ALWAYS sweating when serving customers. That's right. I always fear for my life that his sweat would actually drip into my food.

There was once I really saw a drop of sweat drip down from his chin, which either landed on the counter, or on the dish tray in front of him. I didn't want to check to confirm. Let's just say I've sworn off ordering any dish that's in the row of trays nearest to the staff.

To all Pioneer residents, do take this as a warning!!!!!! You ain't want to see no Chinaman sweat in your food!!!!!!!! Not to mention he always looks so dulan and tired. Then sweaty some more. Walan.

Tomorrow marks the second last day of my in-house freelance stint at my current company, and I feel so sad yet relieved that I can finally take a breather before my NS. But it's been so much fun there – the company, the work, everything. It'd be tough to find another group of people I can work this happily with again, and I'm thankful that it happened even though it's been a short 5 months. I AM GRATEFUL!!! If God is real please bless me with more happy working opportunities for the rest of my life!

Eyes Eyes Baby

One of the things I used to really pride myself in when I was young(er) was the fact that I had perfect eyesight. Jiarong just reminded me about that time in primary school when I told him about how the nurse who tested my eyesight went all like, "Your eyesight very good ahhhhhhhh, perfect eyesight ahhhhhh" (OMG! WE REMEMBER THE DUMBEST THINGS!)

Especially so when everybody in my family is short-sighted except me! I am either adopted, or I am pretty damn lucky, and I am still struggling to know which one it is.

Anyhoo, all of this (partially) changed when I was diagnosed with Red Green Deficiency when I was around P5 or P6. (Cue sad music)

Ok, it sounds very tragic, but it's not. Basically, it just means I supposedly have "troubles" differentiating between green and red. But I can see both colours just fine. I see the traffic light colours correctly what - from top to bottom, it's green, yellow, then red, right? You cross the road when it's red, right? Right? Right?

I was diagnosed because I wasn't able to read the numbers during the colour sight test. You know when those nurses would come to your primary / secondary school and ask you to read what's the number amongst the assortment of red and green dots? Yeah, I remember not being able to even see a number. It was just a bunch of dots. So that was when I was referred to a specialist.

And I remember stepping into the specialist's room, where I had to read another set of numbers, this time with my mother by my side. But the difference between the primary school one and the specialist's one is that I could actually see numbers! I was so happy cos that means I'm not colour-blind right?

I read the first number and I remember my mother going, "Oh dear," and I was so confused, because I could clearly see the number. And as the patterns went by both specialist and mother looked more and more concerned. As it turns out, colour blind people are supposed to see a different set of numbers than the colour unblind people. So I was fucked from the back without even knowing it.

I even remember the specialist looking at me dead in the eye, and said in a serious tone, "Travis, you are colour blind," like it was a terminal disease and I was going to die. And to be honest, at that point, I wasn't even convinced I was colour blind leh! But I guess I can't blame myself because I also thought I wasn't fat, when in actuality I was really fat.

(But of course, no surprises again when I did my NS check-up last year and I got marked for colour-blindness too for reading wrong numbers just like that time)

BUT. Despite all that, I never actually thought my colour-blindness affected my daily life in any way. I still got my driver's licence so nothing wrong there what. I even think I got an edge during my O Levels Chemistry Practical Exam because I was able to get the invigilator to tell me the colours of my solutions – something I had trouble in, but I am pretty sure was not because of my problem. A dark brown solution sometimes confuses you whether it might actually be reddish-brown also, right? So what am I supposed to write?!??! SOMEBODY PLEASE VALIDATE WHETHER THIS IS A UNIVERSAL DILEMMA!

Up till my time in poly, the only other incident that made me realise the existence of my deficiency was when I created an icon in Photoshop and thought it had a nice, subtle, pinkish hue to it. When I showed it to Jiarong he asked me why I decided to give it a greenish hue (I tried to find the icon again but I think I had since made the icon super pink so I see it as pink furrealz now. By the way, 100x100 icons used to be all the rage y'allz! I feel so old school!).

But that was literally the ONLY time. So I just simply thought that maybe it only affects me when the colour is very subtle.

It wasn't until my poly days when I realised this deficiency has encroached upon another element of my daily life – flagging cabs. It's so weird. Let me try to explain it.

Let's say I'm standing by the road, and I'm looking out for a cab. Far into the horizon, I see a cab approaching – and I will see that the text on the LED screen on top is green! Means it's available! Yay! But as it gets closer, I will realise that the text is actually red. It was actually hired right from the start. And it's happened many times, so I highly doubt it was a one-off uncle-dont-like-my-face incident. I'm so sad :(

I wonder how many uncles thought I was weird for flagging when they're clearly red...


Anyway, I decided to blog about this because now I think my actual eyesight, which was once perfectly 20/20, is starting to deteriorate too.

I've been having to squint my eyes at things at a distance lately, to read things like signs and shit. I didn't actually notice I was doing it until Magdelene pointed it out to me a few days back. Sigh. I AM ALREADY 20! ISN'T MY EYESIGHT SUPPOSED TO STABILISE NOW!!!

Oh well. Maybe cos I stare too long at computer screens already, especially with my job and stuff. Can't be helped I guess! If I ever do need to wear specs I hope I at least look hot in them.

Got sugar or not?

I find businessmen so scheming sometimes.

Not that I can blame them because they have a living to make, but sometimes they're such capitalist assholes they have completely no ethical concern for consumers!

So I go this salad place very frequently around CBD for my lunch. They also sell fruits and they're always very sweet. At first I thought jin swee leh, they really know how to choose their fruits. But one day I was suddenly reminded back when I was interning at MediaCorp when I noticed the canteen's fruits were also very sweet all the damn time (and I bought them almost every day), and Jerald raised a conspiracy theory that maybe the stall holders soak the fruits in sugar solution.

It's very possible because the fruits would normally have been already sliced and displayed, so you don't know whether they soak it in sugar solution prior to displaying them. They don't cut the fruits on the spot, but at the back where a wall blocks the kitchen. *cue suspicious JENG JENG JENG JENG music...*

And the reason why I drew parallels with the salad shop was because I realised I wasn't getting exactly thinner from eating the salads / fruits there. I know, my reasoning is TOTALLY not shaky, right? Okay, I'll be mean and say it's also cos I partially noticed a large proportion of overweight OLs everywhere I go.

ANYWAY!

I was rudely reminded of the sugar solution conspiracy theory when one day, Magdelene and I were queuing for our skinnybitch salads when she overheard a conversation between the OL and the cashier, in Chinese:
OL: What do you guys put in this avocado juice? (They sell fresh juices that have "no sugar added" stated on the boards in-store)
Cashier: Er... *slight reluctance* vanilla...
OL: Huh? Avocado juice put vanilla?
Cashier: Er... vanilla ice cream
OL: Huh! Put ice cream ah! (Try reading it like an auntie for the lulz: Huh! 雪糕啊!)
JENG JENG JENG....... .... ..... .... .... .. .. ... . ....
I got to give it to them – they're not wrong what, technically really no sugar added!

So the question is... DO THEY SOAK THEIR FRUITS IN SUGAR SOLUTION?? I also a bit pai seh to ask. Imagine if they really do soak them? I can't stop buying from them right? Cos their salads are really very nice... #lol.

Anyhoo, just to be a troll, I decided to write in on their feedback form on their website:



No reply yet though, and it's been almost 3 weeks :\ stupid businessmen! Where is the care and concern for consumers! Fuck you all!!! Why can't I have healthy food that's convenient at the same time!!!!

And that marks my next milestone in becoming an auntie. Also, the other day I saw someone who added the following toppings to her salad: potato salad, egg mayo, canned tuna, hot dogs, canned button mushrooms, topped with... mayonnaise dressing. May I ask what is the fucking point?

Recently there's been a lot of cockroaches under my block too leh, and not one but two flying cockroaches decided to fly in to my house on two separate occasions! Kanasai! So I used that new app that lets you snap a photo and report any incidences conveniently to the town council via the app. Not bad, they responded within one day, and earlier in the night I realised there were a lot of dead roaches on the floor. I may be too young to vote, but damn, the benefits to reap during election periods are AMAZING.