Sometimes I find myself to be more emotional and sensitive than I'd like to be. It's a bit crazy because there's always a war of words going on in my mind.

I miss everything about the real world. I miss engaging in intellectual conversations with people, talking about the things that matter; it's been a while since my mind's been stimulated / challenged.

The army feels like a separate world of its own, detached from the true reality. Perhaps for some, they relish this kind of escapism because of their own personal circumstances. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't crave the everyday sights of what used to be my normal routine.

I miss my routine of going to work every day, and then either going to the gym after work, meet up with my friends or going home to study Japanese or practice music. It felt like such a productive routine (and Capricorns love routine and hate change).

I miss my worry-free Sundays when despite knowing I have work the next day, it's okay because I would still look forward to going to work.

I miss being around people who know that everything we do shouldn't be about upholding one's pride because we all know that is stupid, but rather, centred around doing things that matter to the bigger picture.

I miss a world where titles don't matter (so much).

Most importantly, I miss spending time with the people who matter in my life. Time is seriously, ridiculously limited.

I can drink 7 cups of positivi-tea every day but at the end of the day, deep inside, we're all fighting internal wars nobody else can see. It's just a matter of whether you want to show it or not.

楽しいそうに笑って 誰でもロンリー
Even if they all laugh so joyously, everyone’s lonely

It's not exactly the most positive post I can write when the year has just started, but though I know that this phase will pass too, when you can't dealz, you can't dealz. I know things will get better eventually.

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